


Tear My Heart Away

by Joey_Westwife



Series: She's Back [3]
Category: Westlife
Genre: Adoption, Character Death, Cheating, Depression, Domestic Violence, Emotions, Fist Fights, Heartbreak, M/M, MarKian, Mental Health Issues, Parent-Child Relationship, Partner Betrayal, Shnicky - Freeform, Threesome - F/M/M, Wakes & Funerals, boyband audition, engagement celebrations, shark - shane and mark
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-26
Updated: 2018-03-26
Packaged: 2019-04-08 09:34:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 50,728
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14102526
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Joey_Westwife/pseuds/Joey_Westwife
Summary: The stress of Rhaiya's return causes trouble over and over as Shane struggles to come to terms with the changes in everyone's lives. The band is in jeopardy and so is his relationship when he makes mistake after mistake. Can he save his relationship with Nicky before it's too late? And will Louis get to sign the next big thing?





	1. Chapter 1

The boys were back home in Sligo in the middle of Monday night/Tuesday morning while the streets were still dark and eerie and the birds were still sleeping. Not wanting to wake his parents and son, Shane suggested they pulled up at Bridge Street and slept there until morning. The couple were so excited and couldn't wait to tell everyone the amazing news of their engagement before having to deal with what Jodi had handed to them. 

The brunette laid confused on the bed as Nicky slept peacefully in his arms.  
'Why is she doing this?! Why now?! Poor Cobi.' He gently exhaled through his nose and held back his emotions. He didn't want his body to jolt with tears and wake his beautiful fiancé. Their trip had been awesome but equally as tiring and Nicky was due back to work by lunchtime. 'We have to tell Mark before Nick gets to work... About the engagement at least. What if Jodi's at work?! I'll ask him to play dumb. I need to speak to her first. Stupid bitch... God I can't wait to hold Cobi in the morning and give him a massive cuddle and kiss. Daddy loves him... I can't wait to tell Paige the news. I hope she's not too jealous...' mid thought, Shane suddenly blasted a sneeze over Nicky's topless body. The blonde didn't flinch in his slumber but Shane chuckled at the guilt of spitting all over his innocent man. 

"Sorry babe." He whispered and kissed Nicky's head.  
'Great I need to pee.' he rolled his wide awake eyes and slowly peeled Nicky's arms off him, sliding out of bed. He picked up his mobile, now fully charged, and used the bathroom before heading to the kitchen for a glass of water. 

As the brunette took a seat on the couch he swiped across his gallery to marvel at all the stunning photo's he'd taken on their trip. Remembering his proposal to Nicky created a warm smile on his face. He couldn't believe he was engaged. He was going to be a husband to the most amazing person on the planet. He was already a dad to the most amazing little boy on the planet. And he... He was a manager but he felt like the biggest popstar on the planet too... He'd never been so happy and the thought of it scared him. 

'What’s the catch?!' he closed his eyes as his photos reached one of Paige and Jodi. 'Her... She's gonna break hearts.'  
Staring at the girls he couldn't work out who was prettier. Not that it mattered. He'd had Jodi and he'd never be with Paige and the more he compared the two brunettes, the more he realised they were so alike. Yes he'd kissed Paige for a dare not long after his closure kiss with Jodi but he hadn't felt anything. Neither kisses had stirred his groin, neither kiss left him wanting more and neither woman had entered his dirty thoughts since. Every dirty thought was for Nicky... His beauty, his fiancé and this realisation comforted him.  
'I'm definitely gay then. This time last year I'd have been dating Paige without a doubt. She's stunning but I don't feel a faint sexual attraction to her now... It's a good job I had Cobi after all. The thought of making a baby scientifically, artificially, clinically - freaks me out... I hope Cobi is enough for Nico. I can't lose him... Ever.'  
***

Mark jumped out of his car and began knocking on Nicky's door, pressing the door bell and shouting through the letter box for attention. Shane was still up having made himself a coffee, his overthinking plaguing his thoughts too much to sleep. As he heard Mark's voice he shot down the stairs to open the door, in just his PJ bottoms, exposing his chest to Mark. 

"What the fuck Mark? It's 6:50am."

Barging in through the door, he younger boy panted for breath. "Shane, thank God you're here... I need to tell you something."

"Right now?!" Shane yawned, suddenly regretting not trying to sleep. "Come on up but keep the noise down. Nick's still asleep."

"How was the trip? Did you... You know what I don't have time to ask. This is important." Mark jumped in front of Shane and held his arms out to stop his tired friend from taking another step. "Shane... It's Jodi."

"Ugh, don't even go there. You'll never guess what her solic-"

"Shut up and listen!" Mark shouted, interrupting him. "You need to sit down, now and listen to me."

"What's going on Freddie? You're scaring me." Shane sat down on the sofa, worried something awful had happened. 'She's kidnapped Cobi! Oh god.' he jumped to conclusions. "What?!" He yelled back, forgetting it could wake the blonde.

"Jodi, she's... Huh, fuck... Last night there..." Mark struggled to explain as his eyes filled. 

"Please tell me she hasn't taken Cobi."

As Nicky shuffled out of the bedroom to see what the commotion was, he saw Mark standing in the lounge, looking over Shane. He adjusted his eyes to the bright light in the living room but before he could speak, Mark continued. 

"Shane, I'm sorry... Jodi's in hospital in a critical condition. They don't think she's gonna make it." 

Shane's face dropped. His eyes flickered as he stared at Mark. Nicky replayed what he'd heard but shook his head as he stumbled into the room.  
"What are you on about?"

"Oh hey Nicky, sorry I didn't mean to wake you, I..."  
Shane stood to his feet, slipped his arm around Nicky's back and asked Mark to repeat himself.  
"There was an accident... It was on the local news..."

"Jodi's in a critical condition?!" Shane asked again. "What... What happened?"

"It's been pretty icy these last few days. It was just an accident but..."

Shane huffed and screamed at the messenger, getting impatient. "Just fucking tell me!"

"She was thrown under a lorry. I'm sorry... She... She's in ICU. You have to go and see her before it's too late." 

Nicky blinked and rubbed his eyes as he glared at Mark to Shane then back again. The lovers were silent as their eyes met. The blonde could see the fear in Shane's eyes and was scared this was the end of the road for Jodi.  
"Babe you have to go, now! I'll go to your folks to be with Cobi."

"She's... Why won't she make it Mark? What's wrong with her?" Shane was shaking as he sweat with worry. He didn't want his son to lose his mammy altogether. That wasn't the plan. 

"They wouldn't say but it's deadly serious. I'm so sorry to be the one to shatter the honeymoon lads but you need to go and see her Shane."  
Mark sighed and gave an apologetic gaze to the boys as Shane nodded and made his way to the bedroom to change. "I'm so sorry Nick."

"You don't think she did this on purpose do you?" Nicky dared to ask once Shane was out of earshot.

"What?! No! It was an accident. The lorry skidded on the ice as she turned the corner. There was witnesses... It literally dragged her under... She's lucky she's still holding on right now."

"Shit... She can't die Mark!" Nicky seethed under his breath.

"I'm sorry... But I think it's inevitable." Mark closed his eyes and sobbed. 

No matter what had happened between the 4 of them, the boss didn't wish such harm and pain upon the struggling mum. He was scared for Shane and Cobi and worried losing her would have an immediate, devastating effect on their lives.  
***

"Morning Mae." Nicky greeted his future mother-in-law as the café opened at 8am. 

"Nicky? You're early." Shane's mum was confused, not expecting them to come until a little later. "Alone, dear?"

"Yeah, um, Shane's had to go to the hospital. Jodi's had an accident. I said I'd come for Cobi."

"Oh no... Oh dear, no... She's not the girl from the... The lorry accident last night?" Mae's expression said it all and Nicky's heart sank. 

"Yeah. It seems so." Nicky frowned, staring at the ground. "I don't know what happened. Mark was at the door first thing but I don't understand."

"Oh Nicky, it looked terrifying. They showed the CCTV footage on the news... I didn't realise it was Rhaiya. Sit down darling. Let me get you a coffee. Cobi is fine, he's with Mairead, she stayed over last night."

The blonde nodded and slipped into a seat. He held his head in his hands until he heard an excitable gurgle coming from the back doorway. When he looked up to see Cobi in his aunties arms, he shot up to his side and almost snatched the boy from her. 

"Thank God you're OK little man." Nicky kissed his step son's head and smiled back at the boy. "We missed you." 

Mairead gave the blonde a confused glare, slightly offended by his hasty taking of her nephew. "Nick? Are you OK?"

He nodded without looking at her and held Cobi close to his chest. "It's gonna be all right dude, I promise."

"Nick? You're freaking me out. What's going on? Where's Shane?"

"The hospital... With Rhaiya."

When Mairead clicked as Mae had she covered her mouth with her hands and gasped. "No... Not the girl from... Her name's Jodi now isn't it? Of course... Oh my god."

"Mairead, we haven't seen the news so please be honest with me. Is she really going to lose this battle?"

"The footage Nicky... I'm surprised it didn't kill her instantly... I can't believe it's Rhaiya. This baba's mammy... I don't know what's going on with you guys but Cobi needs his mam."

Nicky sighed and held back the gush of emotions building. His chin began to quiver as he stared into the baby’s eyes. "I'm so sorry little man."  
***

Shane rushed into the hospital ward and found Aoife sat on a chair outside Jodi's room, hunched over herself, crying in silence. He slowly approached her, glad his ex's family had ran to her side too. As he got closer, the sister looked up and forced a fake grin at Shane. She grabbed him in for a hug and held him tight as her cries got heavier, soaking into his jacket shoulder.

"Aoife I'm so sorry." He whispered. 

"She's a mess Shane. You can't even tell it's her... She's so broken." 

"Where's your mam?"

"She took one look at Rhaiya and ran home in pieces. That was last night as soon as we got here. I've been here ever since. My boyfriend was here but he's just gone home to get me some bits so I can stay with her... Mam won't be back... Wait, what are you even doing here?"

"Mark told me... I don't really understand... Why is she in ICU? What's the damage?" Shane pulled away from the hug and held the girl at arm's length. "I need to know Aoife. I'm Cobi's dad."

"What?! No way! ... She's... Shane... Just... Be prepared. Only immediate family are allowed in so if the doctor asks..."

"She's my wife. I can handle it... May I?" Shane cocked his head to the door and waited for her to confirm he could enter. He took a deep breath and entered to find Jodi hooked up to machines; tubes up her nose, in her mouth and hands, bandages covering the right side of her face and head. "Fucking hell girl." Jodi's right leg was in plaster and he could see padding on her waist, underneath the patient dress she wore. He felt his stomach knot and his throat close as a virtual tennis ball lodged his airways. "Oh Ray." He shook his head and stood by her left side. He leaned down and placed a gentle kiss on her temple as he let a tear fall on her hair. 

The nurse monitoring her condition smiled at Shane. "I'm very sorry for Rhaiya's position... I knew her from school. Such a sweet girl."

"Yeah she was." He agreed she *was* once a sweet girl but the only word to describe her in his mind now was 'troubled' but he held his tongue. "Tell me the truth. What are her chances? We have a son."

"I'm sorry... She's suffered trauma to her hip and neck. We can't be sure if her back is damaged yet but the skin on her face was shredded, she's got a broken leg obviously and she had some internal bleeding. The surgeon managed to stop it but unfortunately he discovered damage to her liver."

"From the accident?!"

"No but... She has severe liver damage from what we expect to be a result of alcohol abuse. The visual evidence was there." The nurse looked down at Jodi and struggled to contain her own emotions. She had fond memories of playing in the playground at dinner time with her patient. "Does she have an alcohol problem?"

"Um, yeah... She's had it pretty tough the last few years... But she was gonna get better... I was gonna make sure of it." Shane sat by her bed and held her hand in his. "She looks so fragile."

"It does mean because her body has so many injuries to heal, she'll struggle to... I'll be honest and blunt sir. .. The likeliness of her pulling out of this is slim. She's only in an induced coma but if her stats don't change within the next 12 hours... I'm so sorry. It doesn't look good." 

"Right." The brunette leaned forward on the bed and allowed his tears to roll down Jodi's hand. "So she's probably not gonna wake up?"

"We're doing everything we can but... It doesn't look likely. I'm sorry. I'll give you a minute." The nurse slipped out of the room to check on Aoife as Shane took in what he'd been told. 

"Fuck... Ray for god sake... Why now? I needed to talk to you about that letter Missy. I can't believe you... God I hope this was an accident and you didn't do this on purpose... I couldn't bear the thought of... Huh, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry I couldn't protect you and help you sooner." Shane wept on the bed, surrendering to his choking discomfort and sea of salty tears. "Don't die Ray... Please don't die like this."  
***


	2. Chapter 2

As Paige made her way to work, she happened to look into the café on her way passed and noticed Nicky with Cobi on his lap. When she couldn't see Shane's car outside the office or the boss sat with his man, she stepped inside to greet the blonde. 

"Look Cobi, it's Paige. Hello pretty lady." He waved Cobi's hand on the boy’s behalf. "How are you?"

"I'm great thanks. How was the trip?" She waved back at Cobi and smiled. 

"Amazing!" Nicky grinned, wishing he could blurt out their news. 

"Is Shane not here?"

"No he's... Wait. Haven't you heard?" Nicky asked, concerned by Paige's happy mood. "About Jodi?"

"No, what's happened?"

Nicky raised his brow at the brunette and bit his lip. "She's in ICU Paige... Shane's at the hospital with her now."

"What?! Why?!" She worried, taking a seat next to the boys. "What happened? Is she gonna be OK?"

"I don't think so." He admitted, stroking Cobi's cheek, trying not to show his fear in front of the boy. "She was... Huh God." Nicky's eyes welled up so he closed them and took a deep breath. "Haven't you seen the news?"

"Not since 6pm last night. I had an early night, I wasn't feeling well... Nicky what's going on?"

"She was involved in a road accident and her chances of pulling through are slim. Shane's gone to see her in case... I don't know Paige, it sounds serious."

"Oh my god. I'm so sorry. I can't believe it... Is there anything I can do?"

"No I don't think so. We just have to wait for Shane to get home. He might not be in work today. I'm sure he'll wanna stay home with Cobi."

"No problem. I'll just be down the road if you need me. Let me know what's going on." Paige rubbed her hand on Nicky's shoulder and stood to her feet again. Her happy mood, suddenly washed away into despair. She cared very much for Jodi and now worried for Shane's state of mind, not to mention the effects it'd have on Cobi's life. "I'm so sorry Nicky."

"Yeah, me too. Thanks babe."  
***

Mark sat staring at his computer screen as Carole muttered an email to herself. All he could see was the news. The images of Jodi being swept under the lorry haunted him.   
"Shut up!" He snapped, slamming his pen down on the desk. "Just shut up!" He yelled, making her jump and stare at him concerned by his mood. 

"Mark? What's wrong?"

"Just go. Please just go. Leave me alone." He dismissed her from his office, pointing to the door. "Go!" He shouted, close to tears. 

Carole didn't question him again and rushed out of the room to an office full of gossiping girls as they shared the news about Jodi. Suddenly she realised the boss was personally affected by the tragedy and looked back at him with sympathy.

Mark leaned back in his chair and took a deep breath to calm his nerves. He was deeply concerned about his friends and felt his heart race as he continued to see the accident in his head.   
'Just when everything was going so well.' he covered his face and tapped his feet rapidly on the floor. 'Don’t die Jodi. Please don't die.'   
The more he thought about Cobi losing his mammy for good, the more sick he felt rise from his gut, into his throat until he reached for the bin to spew his fear amongst the trash inside it. The thick, burning acid, scorned his wind pipe as his head pulsed and his diaphragm convulsed.   
'Hold it together Feehily. Imagine how Shane's feeling right now. Oh god, poor Shane.' Mark leaned back again, wiping his mouth with his hand before reaching for his bottle of water. 'Fuck this.' he slid his chair away from his desk, picked up his jacket and stormed out of the office, passed his staff and ran out of the building to breathe in as much cold air as possible. He pulled his phone out and rang Nicky. He needed talking down from a brewing panic attack and knew only Nicky could help.  
***

It was 2 hours before Shane made it to the café to join Nicky. The blonde was upstairs with Cobi, feeding him some mashed carrot and swede after the boy had refused his breakfast yoghurt earlier on. He tried to entertain him as he made plane and train noises towards Cobi's mouth but it only encouraged him to giggle, not eat. 

"Come on monster, you need to eat something." Nicky chuckled. "I'll tell Daddy you're being a little monkey... I will... Ha-ha you're too cute." 

Shane appeared at the doorway of the kitchen and when Cobi's cheeky face lit up, Nicky looked round but his own face was the opposite. He could see the tear stains down his fiancé’s cheeks, his red, puffy eyes and the saddest frown on his lips the blonde had ever seen. 

"Nico..." Shane whimpered, breaking down again as he slid down the door frame into a heap on the floor. 

Nicky shot to his side and knelt on the floor beside him. "Babe... Shane?"  
The brunette couldn't look him in the eye as he shook his head. He grabbed Nicky's collar and pulled him in for a kiss, wetting the older boy’s mouth with his tears.   
"Shane, please."

"It's too late... She's gone... She's gone!" 

Nicky's body fell cold as he interpreted Shane's words. 'No this can't be right.'   
"Gone?!"

"She was there... Broken and... Aoife came back in the room but..." Shane swallowed the lump in his throat and licked his snotty lips before looking Nicky in the eye. "She lost the will... She gave up. Her body gave up... She just... I had to let go of her hand. I could sense it... She... She just gave up!"

"She's dead?!"

Shane slowly nodded and pulled his man back into his arms and held tight. "She's gone Nicky."

"Fuck... No!... I'm so sorry."

When Mae told Mark Nicky was upstairs he made his way up, unaware Shane was home. When he walked in on the boys crying on the floor he froze.   
"Lads?!"

Nicky looked up at Mark and shook his head in silence. He knew straight away.  
"No... God no!" Mark covered his mouth with his hands and stood staring at Cobi. "She's...?"

Shane finally stood to his feet and walked over to Mark for a hug. "She's gone mate."

"Oh Shane, I'm so sorry." Mark held back his emotions but really he wanted to break down too. "I can't believe it."

"What am I supposed to do?!" Shane wiped his face and sniffed, looking at his fiancé and best friend for answers. "She's dead!" 

"I don't know what to say Shane, I'm so sorry." Mark sat on the chair by the table and tried to distract himself with Cobi. "Hey gorgeous boy." Cobi was oblivious to his mammy's fate and grinned at his Uncle Mark. "It's gonna be OK Cobi Bear. We promise."

Hearing Mark speak to his son sent Shane into complete melt down. His heart broke as he looked at his innocent boy, clueless to the fact his mum would never be around to prove herself. As much as he wanted to cuddle his son, he feared he'd squeeze him too hard so he disappeared to the bathroom and locked himself inside. 

Nicky rubbed his forehead and hung his head over the kitchen sink, away from Cobi's view. "This can't be real Mark. She can't be dead, she just can't be!"

"I'm so sorry Nico." Mark bowed his head and held back tears. "I'm not being funny mate but I saw what happened and she must have been in so much pain. Keeping her alive was cruel."

"We couldn't keep her safe Mark. Shane is devastated she's gone. You do know he'll blame himself for this."

"Hey this is not his fault. It was an accident. A freakish, fucked up accident and no one could have helped this time." Mark slipped away from the table and wrapped his arms around Nicky to comfort him. "Please don't blame yourselves."

"She didn't deserve this... She needed help that's all. Shane was gonna help her and she was... Well we thought she wanted to get better for Cobi but... I guess now the situation is easier."

"What are you talking about?"

"Nothing... We um, just received a letter that's all. I'll let Shane explain." As Nicky pulled away he rubbed his eyes with his fingers and Mark noticed his ring straight away.

"What the..." Grabbing hold of Nicky's hand, Mark studied the sparkle on his friend’s finger. "Nicky?"

Snatching his hand away the blonde felt guilty. He didn't mean for Mark to find out, they wanted to announce the news together. "Don't say anything."

"But... Did Shane propose to you in Paris?!" Marks excitement masked his sorrow for a moment. "Are you engaged?"

Nicky tutted and rolled his eyes. He couldn't lie. What's the point? "Huh, yes. But I'm not telling you anything about it. Shane wants to tell people together."

"Oh Nico I'm so happy for you." He pulled him in for a hug and a genuine smile filled his face. "I'm so sorry this happened and ruined your big announcement. I won't tell Shane I know and I won't tell anyone I promise... But if you need to keep it quiet for a while maybe you should move the ring to a different finger? Or your right hand."

Nicky nodded as he spun the jewel around his finger. "I'll speak to Shane later. Now isn't the time to be celebrating."

"I know this is going to kill him Nick but don't let it cloud or create paranoia about his feelings for you. He didn't love Jodi anymore but he'd committed to helping her for their son's sake so he cared about her... So much has happened in a week, he's gonna need support but if I know Shane, he's gonna want a lot of thinking space too. Don't take it out on him or make this about you... And remember I'm here for you both." 

Nicky nodded and smiled back at their friend. He patted his arm and moved out of the room, leaving the Uncle to keep the baby company. The blonde gave the little boy a kiss on his crown as he passed and tried to check Shane was OK through the bathroom door.

"Just give me a minute Nick." Shane replied as he stared at his reflection in the mirror. 'What a come down. Our return was meant to be a happy one. And now this. She's really gone.' As he watched one more tear drop trickle down his cheek, he reached to unlock the door but didn't open it himself.   
The blonde pushed the door open and stared at his man, not saying a word.   
"I'm sorry Nico. I just needed a minute."

"We have all the time in the world, it's fine."

The brunette looked at his beautiful man and thanked the lord for having such a special person in his life. "I'm not going to let this consume me. I'll find a way to get passed it and we'll give Cobi the life Jodi dreamed of for him." He took Nicky's hands in his and stared into his pretty blue orbs. "I am so lucky right now to have the most amazing son and fiancé by my side. I'm not going to lose sight of that just because Jodi's lost. She was suffering already without even knowing it and another drink might have killed her anyway. She was so broken Nicky, anything could have finished her off. She was a ticking time bomb and none of us could have saved her."

"I know... It's just a shock. I'm worried about you."

"Don't. I'm fine. It might be the end for her but it's just the beginning for us... And Cobi."

"So what happens with the letter now? Is it still valid?"

"Yeah it should be but it wouldn't matter if it's not. I could do it all myself now... It will happen Nicky. He only has us now. He's OUR son." Shane held his palms around Nicky's cheeks and placed a soft kitten kiss on the blonde’s nose. "I love you so much. I can't wait to tell everyone you agreed to be my husband."

"Mark knows. Sorry, he saw my ring and I couldn't deny it."

"Shit... What did you tell him?"

"Nothing. I just said yes we were engaged and told him you'd tell him." 

"So let's do it now. I want to explain how amazing it was and make him jealous that I have the most beautiful man alive on my arm."

"You wanna tell him now?!" 

"Yes! Why not?! He'll be dying to know now and I can't sit and wallow all day. I've missed my son, our son, and I don't want him to see that there's anything wrong. We have to carry on as normal babe. I can't let this drag me down." Shane bravely stood tall and smiled at his beauty. "I want to tell the world right now how happy and lucky I am." 

Nicky smirked at the younger man in his arms. He admired how emotionally strong he was being even though a part of him worried he'd collapse in mental agony eventually. He nodded and agreed to tell Mark the good news. "OK. We'll tell him... If we can tell him about the letter too."

"Really? What if it all goes wrong in the process?"

"It won't and it's only Mark. No one else has to know what's going on til it's done. The engagement is exciting enough on its own for now but I think Marky would like to know the full story. We can trust him."

"Yeah course, OK. Let's tell him... But first..." Shane planted his lips on Nicky's and held his face in place until the blonde needed air. "I love you so much."

"I love you too Filan. More than you'll ever know." He plunged his tongue down Shane's throat but the kiss became very heated, quickly. 

Shane's hands began to wander and rub Nicky's chest, trailing down to his belt bucket which he tugged into his groin so their cocks touched making the blonde groan. Pushing Nicky against the bathroom door, the brunette forced his tongue deeper into his mouth as he leaned his weight onto the slimmer boy. He frantically tried to unbuckle the belt but Nicky grabbed his hands and pulled his mouth away. 

"Shane, stop!... Take it easy man."

"I'm sorry babe." He sighed, resting his forehead on Nicky's. "I'm sorry."

"It's fine forget about it. We'll carry on later when you're not so pent up." He took his fiancé’s hand into his and led him back into the kitchen to the big boy and little boy playing peek-a-boo on the couch.  
***


	3. Chapter 3

Following a nice cup of coffee to calm their nerves, the lads set about their day with poise. Mark and Nicky chose to take the day off work so the bigger boss rang the office to explain they were mourning a tragedy but didn't explain it was Jodi at a loss. He figured they'd find out themselves another way and he felt if he got into it, he'd cry down the phone. 

"I'll just go give Kian a call then we can head off if you want?"

"Yeah grand." Shane replied, zipping up Cobi's coat as he prepared him for his pram. 

Nicky cleared his throat and gave his head a shake as he composed himself. "Are you sure you're OK?"

"I'll be fine. I just need to keep busy. We'll go tell Paige and go for a walk around town. See if we can get munchkin off to sleep. I'll tell Mam to get Mairead and Finbarr over later so we can tell them everything."

"Does Liam know about Cobi yet?"

"Yeah I spoke to him last week. He's due home at the weekend so we can tell him everything then... Right then little man, let's go see your favourite pretty lady."

"Paige is going to be upset you know."

"Of course. But we'll be there for her so it's fine... She's going to be so excited about the engagement though."

"Really? You think so?"

"Why wouldn't she be? She thinks you're great."

Nicky raised his brow at Shane and smirked. "She thinks you're pretty amazing though."

"I am!" He chuckled. "She's got good taste." 

"Aren't you worried she'll be just as upset to learn you're marrying me and not her?"

"What?! Get real. Paige is just a friend. She knows I'm not interested in her that way. She's just a good friend."

"Hmm, if you say so." The jealous blonde mumbled. 

"Ok you... I know she likes me, she knows I know she likes me and she also knows I'm not interested all right so forget about it. Our friendship is no different to what you and Jodi had."

"Ha-ha yeah right. Jodi wasn't in love with me and I never kissed her."

"Nick for god sake, I'm not getting into this right now. That kiss was a dare you gave me remember and I'm marrying you! I only want you... So just, for god sake, please don't start with this whole jealousy bullshit. I had enough of it from Jodi."

"Sorry... I know. I'm just worried Paige is going to be feeling vulnerable and try it on. I'm being stupid I know but..."

Shane held Nicky's shoulders and looked at him in the eye. "If it makes you feel better, you can comfort her if she cries OK?" Nicky nodded, feeling pathetic. "She doesn't do this to me." He thrust his crotch against the blonde's and kissed him, causing his cock to stiffen. "Only you can do that."

The beauty's lips curled as he smiled at the feel of Shane's erection growing on his groin. "Mmm, don't tease me." He murmured as Shane trailed kisses along his jaw and down his neck as he held Nicky's waist. "Shay... The baby."

"He can't see anything." Shane continued to nibble the blonde's skin while one hand reached into the front of his man's jeans. "I want you so bad right now."

"Ah fuck, stop touching me." He half-heartedly muttered as he enjoyed the feel of Shane's fingers grip his semi. "Shane, stop." But Nicky made no attempt to try and stop his fiancé stroking his shaft. He pulled his neck in for a deep kiss but as they were locked together, Mark ended his call with Kian and entered the lounge. 

"Seriously?!" Mark's voice bounded across the room, breaking the boys up. "Christ."

Shane laughed and kissed Nicky once more before pulling away completely. "What?! Do you really expect me to keep my hands off him? Look at him. He's stunning." 

Nicky hid his embarrassed face from Mark and tried to contain the cheeky grin on it. 

"Whatever. Let's go." Mark moaned, turning away from his frisky friends. 

"Ooh someone's jealous!" Shane teased, poking Mark's ribs as he jumped to the pram.

"I'm not jealous Shane I just don't understand how you can be so insensitive at a time like this."

"What? My engagement? I'm not allowed to wanna fuck my fiancé at every chance now?" Shane scorned in a half joking tone. 

"Your ex just died and you wanna celebrate by wanking him off? He might be pretty Shane but right now is not the time."

"What the fuck Mark?! She's MY ex not yours and that's all she was. An ex... A psycho bitch beyond help. She's not going to bring me down anymore. She can't control my life anymore. She's gone!" 

"You are so screwed up." Mark replied shaking his head at the older boys. "She was your son's mother. Have some fucking respect."

Shane was ready for a fight now. Mark had touched a nerve and he wanted to punch something or someone in frustration. "Don't swear at me like that. You didn't even like her. She was a cow to you too and it was me that told you to be nice to her in the end."

"Oh yeah after you put your tongue down her throat and stole her baby!"

Shane was mortified by Mark's words. Why was he being so mean?! "Are you serious? Are you actually fucking serious right now?!"

Nicky jumped in between the guys and held his arms out so they couldn't get close. "Lads, come on. Calm down."

"Take Cobi downstairs Nicky... Now!"   
Without arguing, the blonde pushed the pram out of the room and carefully manoeuvred it down the stairs away from the negative energy between the boy’s Uncle and Daddy.   
"What the hell is your problem?!"

"Nothing, I'm sorry." Mark blasted and hid his face from his friend. "I'm just so confused."

"You're confused?! What about me? How do you think I feel? You know every detail of what I've been through these last few months. Why are you questioning how I deal with it now? Jodi's dead Mark. Rhaiya is dead! She can't hurt me or my boy ever again. Can't I be relieved by that?"

"Of course but she's still Cobi's mum."

"She didn't even want him!" Shane fumed. "She wanted nothing to do with him. You saw the letter."

"I know you're hiding your true pain Shane. Mauling Nicky isn't going to make this go away."

"No but he's my fiancé Mark and it sure feels good to be with someone that loves me and never wants to hurt me. All she did was break me and now she's dead we can finally move on!"

Peter stood by the door with his chin to his chest. "Shane?"

"Dad!" He sighed, regretting his outburst causing him to confess both big news stories for the get together tonight. "Sorry."

"I know what I heard son but I'm not going to question it right now... But are you ok?"

"I'm fine Dad. If this ass hole just got off my back." As Shane stormed out of the room, Peter took hold of his son's hand to check for a ring. "What?"

"Nothing. I was just checking for myself."

"Nicky has a ring not me. I proposed OK? Yes I'm engaged Dad. The secrets out. I wasn't expecting to come home and find my son's mother in a coma so we haven't exactly rushed to tell everyone yet."

"Son, calm down! I won't tell your mother, it's fine. I'll wait until later to hear it from you then. Just try to stay calm... I'm sorry to hear about Rhaiya. I feel truly terrible for you."

"Don't bother... She's a bitch! I'm glad she's dead. She deserves nothing else." Shane shoved passed his father and ran down the stairs to meet his boys while Mark apologised to Mr Filan for causing the argument.  
***

Mark had joined the lads at Fairways to break the news to Paige. The girl had tried to hold back tears but struggled to keep them when Mark offered his shoulder to her. She spent ten minutes in the staff from out of sight, cuddling Mark's belly as she wept and thanked him for being there when she didn't want to burden her emotions on Cobi's parents.   
He decided to break away from his friends to get his own thoughts in order and left the boys to spend their day as they pleased. He was desperate for Kian to finish work but in the meantime he sat on his bed at home and put pen to paper, scribbling lyrics to a tribute in Jodi's honour. 

The day dragged as Shane and Nicky wandered around town. They tried to keep their mind off Jodi by taking Cobi shopping but Shane couldn't get her out of his head and found himself staving off tears on numerous occasions. When it came to seeing his family, Shane was brave and they explained the whole story to them breaking down and feeling a fool. Finbarr was somewhat relieved Rhaiya couldn't hurt his little brother anymore but he kept his opinions to himself. Mairead, being a mother herself, felt deeply for Cobi but assured her brother she was there any time of day to help care for her nephew.   
When the boys had finally announced the good news it lifted their spirits again and everyone congratulated them on their engagement. Mae was ecstatic, pushing the bad news aside. She couldn't wait to call Nicky her son-in-law and gave him and her son a big cuddle, vowing to celebrate their happiness at the weekend. 

Shane smiled as he left Cobi to sleep in the bedroom. He took the monitor back downstairs with him but waiting at the bottom of the house quarters was his big brother. 

"Shane... Are you really OK?" Finbarr asked with concern. He knew his littlest brother best of all his siblings and felt he was holding back. "You can talk to me you know."

"Yeah I'm fine. I'm just angry."

"She didn't mean to do this you know."

"Maybe not... But maybe it's for the best."

"You don't mean that bro."

"Don't I?! Before I went away I wanted nothing more than to help her again. I'd forgiven her and was willing to be friends for Cobi's sake. Then I read her request and blew up again. She threw it back in my face and just wanted to run away. She never wanted Cobi Finn. She didn't want help to be happy. She was drinking herself to death and she got the easy way out. Now instead of being able to deny what a dick she was to my son, I have to explain to him when he's old enough that..."

"He doesn't need to be told what a psycho she was! She's not here to defend herself. I hated her with a passion Shane but you can't bring all this back up in ten years and break his heart... You want him to be happy right? You were doing the right thing by protecting him so don't worry about what you need to say in the future. He doesn't need to know... Make his life perfect and he won't need to hear the truth. It's your job to protect him forever and no one needs to hear their mammy was like her. She still loved him Shane despite punishing herself. You have to let it go now. Let her rest in peace."

Shane nodded. He knew his brother was right. "Sorry. I know." 

"Bro, you have a beautiful fiancé and gorgeous son out of this mess and no one can ruin that for you now. Please try and be happy."

"Thanks. I will... I um... I wanna ask you something. It might not be the time but I know it's what I want."

"Sure, what is it?"

"Please would you do me the honour... Shared, but still... I'd like you to be one of my best men."

"Me?!" Finbarr face lit up. "Really?"

"Finn you've been there for me through thick and thin. You're the best person for the job."

"But you said it's shared?"

"With Mark. I know we drifted apart but if it wasn't for him I'd never have met Nicky and he's been a rock to us ever since. I couldn't chose between you and I want you both to do it."

"What about Nicky? Doesn't he get a best man?"

"Wh... Shit. He's gonna ask Mark isn't he?! There's no one else he'd wanna ask and he knows I'll ask you... Huh, oh well I won't say anything to Mark yet. As long as he's part of the wedding it doesn't matter."

"That's the spirit. And thank you bro. It'll be an honour. Come here." Finbarr pulled his little brother in for a hug and it made all the difference to Shane's mood. He knew his big bro was always right and gave the best advice.   
***

While Mark showered second after an impromptu romp, Kian rubbed his hair dry and dropped his comb from the bedside table. As he leaned down to pick it up he found Mark's song book. He pulled out the scrap paper poking from the pages and stood reading the beautiful words. 

"Oh Marky." Kian sighed with a smile. He sat on the bed and frowned. He didn't know Jodi really but he'd heard a lot about her, before and after her identity was revealed. "Rest in peace Jodi." 

"What do you reckon about going for a pint tonight? I've had a shit day and could do with being too hungover to work tomorrow." Mark asked, entering the bedroom to find Kian staring at his new song. "Ki?"

"Sorry babe... Yeah a pint sounds good. I'm off tomorrow anyway... Did you write this today?" He asked holding up the paper.

Mark snatched it back and checked. "Yeah, so?"

"Marky it's beautiful. I guess you were thinking of Shane as you wrote it?"

"Of course. It's not about me is it? Do you think he'll like it? I was a total wanker to him today. I need to apologise." 

"Maybe we could offer to sing it at the funeral? It's not just about Shane and Cobi. I know the lyrics don't truly reflect their relationship but it'd mean so much to her family."

Mark nodded. "Yeah I'd like that. Do you think we could put a track behind it tomorrow?"

"Of course. The new program I found to do it seems pretty awesome. I haven't tried making music without any instrument playing yet. When's our next gig?"

"This week but I'm not sure Shane will be in any state to do it. I know he's hiding his true feelings. I mean, how would we feel about it? He's already been so strong and secretive about his past but now it's in the open he needs to know he can express his feelings without being judged."

Kian put his hand on his boyfriend's shoulder and kissed his cheek. "He's got Nicky this time. He's going to be fine. Nicky won't let him down or run away over this."

"Course not, Shane's already made sure he's chained to him for life."

"What do you mean?" Kian was still in the dark about the good news. 

"Shit, I wasn't meant to say... Shane proposed to Nicky in Paris and he said yes."

"Wow, really? That's amazing news. I'm so jealous! Imagine being proposed to in the most romantic city in the world. Good on Shane. I'm so happy for them."

"Hmm. Yeah me too."

"You don't sound it. What's wrong?"

"Shane stole my idea that's all." Mark grinned, avoiding eye contact with his boyfriend. 

"What?! You... You mean?"

"Paris that's all. I just thought if I ever proposed, I'd do it in Paris. Now I can't."

"Aww Marky! You old romantic. I didn't think you wanted to get married." Kian smiled, so in love with Mark he'd been gutted to think it was never an option for them but he'd come to accept it. 

"I didn't. I mean, I never really saw it in my future. I've always wanted kids but accepted it was a hard way to go in a gay relationship. I just came to terms with knowing my life would never be... Normal."

"Being gay isn't a death sentence Mark. It is the norm these days. And having kids isn't as hard as you think. My cousin Frankie and his boyfriend Zeke have just adopted... But getting married is easy... Are you saying you've changed your mind?"

"I know when we got together I told you it wasn't an option and you were happy to accept that. I thought you were against it too but now... Seeing how happy Shane and Nicky are... They've been together less than half the time we have and their lives have been so hectic. They're meant for each other... And getting married is a sign of that... But what about us? What's next for us Ki?"

"I've never been dead against getting married Mark. I love you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. It's been nearly 2 years now, we live together, we work together... I'd like to know there's more to come too." Kian held Mark's hand and rested his chin on the brunette's shoulder. "But I'm equally as happy just to know we're together. You're such a wonderful person Mark. You're so passionate and thoughtful. You care so much about your friends and I adore that."

"I do wanna get married Kian... I want a family and I want it all with you." Mark turned his head and kissed Kian's nose. "I love you."

"I'm happy with that... The thought of losing you kills me. I've been so afraid lately... Working away so much and being away from you Mark... I hated it. I thought you were going to call it off with me because I hadn't been around when you needed me."

"No, Ki you know me. I can usually deal with shit on my own but recently yes I've been stressed more. I've started having panic attacks like Nicky does and I'm scared all the time. I think that's why I turned on Shane earlier. I'm jealous... He's got everything but he still acts like a twat sometimes. He's such an inspiration and I love him to bits but he pisses me off when he's so blasé all the time... There's always a drama but he has Nicky by his side all the time. I get dragged into it and I don't have you. It's not fair."

"Baby you have me. I'm right here and I'm not working away again you know that. I need to and want to be closer to you. I want this band to work so we can be together all day, every day. You're my little superstar popstar Marky." 

"Well I'll make you a deal then... Make this band happen and when we get a number one I'll ask you to marry me." Mark smirked and the twinkle in his eye caught Kian's eye. 

"Really? Is that a promise?"

"Yeah it is. I love you and I wanna spend the rest of my life legally bound to you... I want us to have a future." 

Kian smiled and wrapped his arms around Mark's neck pulling him down for a kiss. "You make me so happy Mark... I'm going to make this band a success. Just watch me."

"I believe you." Mark held his man and forced his tongue into his mouth before pushing his squeaky clean blonde down onto the bed to seal the deal. 

"Mark... I want to... To try again." Kian stopped and stared into Mark's piercing blue eyes. "I'm ready."

"Really?! Are you sure?!"

"Yeah... I trust you and I want to share myself with you more. It makes no sense to me not to let you... I mean, it's not like I haven't had it before."

"But you said he had a small cock." 

"And you don't!" Kian raised his brow with a grin. "I love the way it feels when I'm inside you and I want you to feel that too... I trust you and we'll do it right this time."

"Ki I'd love nothing more than to fuck you, you know that. But I understand it hurt too much last time... Maybe my fingers have loosened you up a bit anyway. You might enjoy it now."

"I will... I need to feel you inside me Mark." The blonde kissed his man and stroked his hand through his short, brown, soft hair. "I need you to make love to me and make me scream the way you do when I come inside you. I wanna feel that sensation and I'm not scared anymore... Be with me."

"Now?!... Right now?!" Mark's eyes popped out his head at the thought of finally being able to stick his cock up Kian's ass. Their failed first attempt had been almost laughable but he never pushed to try again when he was so satisfied receiving it instead. 

"Now baby." Kian nodded. 

"Well you don't have to tell me twice." Mark leapt on top of his man and ripped the t-shirt from off the blonde's back. "I'll be gentle. I promise... I love you so much."

"I love you too... Fiancé to be!" He winked and slipped his tongue back in Mark's mouth building up his erection before they explored further into their sexual relationship.   
***


	4. Chapter 4

Mark was right. There was a gig on Friday but the job had slipped Shane's mind until Nicky made a comment the next day about whether he should wear his leather jacket.   
Breaking into a blind panic the brunette called his sister and asked if she could babysit her nephew at the cottage but she went on to remind him that their mother and family were all desperate to see their performance which would follow a meal for their engagement and be proceeded by drinks at Sixth. 

"Oh OK it's fine I'll ask Andrea. She hasn't seen him again yet so am sure she'll be happy to step in." 

"Good that's ok then." Mairead felt relieved she wouldn't have to miss out on their celebration. "So what's the theme this week?"

"Rock and Roll... We need to rehearse tonight but Cobi is fine with us. He'll sit in his carrier and smile at Harley."

"Harley?! Where do you practice? In a stable?" She laughed. 

"In the barn." Shane admitted. "It's all we have right now. I'll tie Harls to the post and he'll keep Cobi entertained for hours. They love each other."

"Aww well I can come by tonight and watch too if you want. I can scrutinise, I mean, tactfully give criticism so you're perfect for Friday."

"Sure that'd be good. We're doing Jailhouse Rock." He smiled down the line. It was always his party piece at his dad's birthday parties. 

"Ah wow, Dad will love that Shay. So what time tonight?"

"About 6? You can put Cobi to bed at 8 if we're not done. The boys have the day off so they'll be here for about 5 but we're gonna go through some other shit first."

Mairead agreed to see the boys later and Shane was suddenly excited again. Family was everything to him and he couldn't wait to tell their audience he was engaged to the cutest member of the band. 

'Oh no. John won't like it. Maybe we should keep it under wraps. If the band ever get a call from Simon Cowell it won't help. I'll see what the lads think.'  
***  
Kian had already made a call. He kept it quiet from the lads but he insisted their performance was spot on this week. They couldn't sing their own tracks or style so they needed to prove they were versatile.   
They chose a 6 track set list which was broken into two parts, they were to open the show as usual but return to the stage for the 4th sec too before they could swan off to Sixth for their private party. They argued about which songs to pick as per but got it down to Jailhouse Rock and Caught in a Trap by Elvis, Johnny B. Goode from Back to the Future where Kian would play electric guitar, Do You Love Me from Dirty Dancing, Great Balls of Fire and the slower number Heartbeat made famous by Buddy Holly.

The rehearsal went well and both Kian and Mairead were happy with their swinging and shaking moves. They didn't have too much in the routine sector to remember and figured freestyle would work just fine. The lads high fived each other and went over what they'd wear in case Mark needed to take his turn and make a shopping trip of his lunch break the following day but Nicky insisted he wore his Marty Mcfly t-shirt and told Shane he should wear his T-Bird leather jacket with a white t-shirt.   
Mark wanted to be more formal and chose to rent a Teddy Boy costume. A suit always made him feel more polished than jeans and a film orientated top even if the jacket was to be bright blue. But Kian was indecisive and toyed with a few ideas, promising to surprise the band with his outfit.

Later when Nicky got a moment alone with Kian, he asked what his secret costume was going to be. Claiming he'd already changed his mind and had a brilliant way to surprise Shane and guarantee a good shag when they got home. Kian laughed at his suggestion and spurred him on. He quite fancied seeing the blonde cutie in said outfit and couldn't wait to see the look on Shane's face. It was going to make Nick Snr smile too so the blonde felt he should invite his parents and Gill along to their celebration.   
He just needed to tell them the exciting news!   
***

Mae and Yvonne were over the moon that their boys were getting married. The ladies had begun to sit next to each other every week at bingo, a long time ago and they'd become good friends. With Liam back in Ireland for the weekend it was a great time to get both families together so they could all formally meet each other.   
Nicky's little brother Adam was to join them at Stages so he missed the meal but everyone else was there. Even Shane's brother Peter and oldest sisters Yvonne and Denise joined them to congratulate their littlest brother's engagement. 

Although it was an over powering family affair, Shane wanted his best friends there too after such a bad start to the week so with his band mates by his side already he felt he wanted to invite Paige along. Nicky was a bit reluctant at first but when Shane convinced his fiancé he thought the world of the girl, he finally let his insecurity sleep. He liked her too and they did have lots of cheeky banter at Shane's expense as Paige was open about her crush on her boss but she was slowly gaining control of her feelings and revelled in the joy of being friends with Sligo's biggest exports. They'd be exports soon if Kian got his way!  
***

With their guests bagging a couple of large tables they sat patiently waiting for the show to start. The lads had dropped off their change of clothes earlier in the day. Well Nicky had; he didn't want them to sneak a peek at his awesome costume. He insisted Shane graced the stage first to introduce the boys so in his Grease inspired clobber, he did just that. Welcoming teddy boy Mark to join him first, closely followed by Kian in a denim body warmer style waistcoat, ripped grungy jeans with chains trailing from his hip and dusty grey T-shirt. He couldn't come up with a character so felt he'd go for a general rock vibe, looking more punk rock than rock and roll. But no one except Kian knew what Nicky was wearing.

"And last but not least give it up for the blonde bombshell... I have no idea what he's wearing mind... Nicky Byrne." Shane cheered.

In walked Nicky with swagger. Donning a bright white leather, all in one, bejazzled Elvis costume, complete with a quiff in his hair. Mark and Shane burst out laughing.

"Very good Nicky, I mean Elvis." Kian greeted him. "It suits you man."

The crowd cheered as he curled his lip and winked. "U-hu!" 

"Wow, you look amazing Nicky." Shane gave his man a cute smile, a secret promise to ravish him in the dressing room in 3 songs time! 

The gig started with a bang. Everyone screamed as Nicky's gyrated his hips to their Elvis set. They topped it off with Johnny B. Goode so Kian could take the limelight and then jumped off stage for a break.   
As soon as Shane was through the dressing room door he dragged Nicky straight into the toilet room and pushed him up against the door as his uncontrollable tongue explored the blonde's mouth. 

"My god, you look so good." Shane whispered in his ear, nibbling his earlobe while his hands rubbed Nicky's chest; his slightly exposed chest which went down a storm with the girls. "Are you trying to give me a heart attack?"

"Well I knew you'd approve but I wasn't expecting to get jumped this quickly." Nicky chuckled, grabbing Shane's hair to pull him closer to his lips again. 

"Mmm... If it didn't take so long to get you in and out of it, I'd strip it off and fuck you right now."

"My ass and cock might be out of bounds for now but my mouth and your cock isn't." The blonde cocked his brow, accompanied with a cheeky grin as his hands wandered into Shane's jeans. "If you're that desperate..."

"Get down there then!" Shane shoved Nicky's head down to his crotch, flattening his quiff. 

"Watch the hair, knob head!" Nicky laughed before whipping Shane's already hard organ into his mouth. 

Mark and Kian weren't far behind the other lads and noticed they were nowhere to be seen. Making the pointless observation Mark sighed, pointing at the bathroom door.  
"Dirty bastards."

"Ha-ha, how come we were never like that? Desperate to have sex in public places. We've always been so careful. Do you think we're old and boring?"

"No! We just have self-control. And you get too nervous to get it up anyway." Mark pointed out Kian's struggle. 

"Yeah alright. Maybe if I hadn't been caught by my mother with my cock up Nathan's ass, I wouldn't have that problem." 

Mark smiled at his blonde and tucked his palm behind his ear before placing a soft kiss on his lips. "I don't need spontaneous sex with you when we have perfectly good, private sex at home. But... after the other day... if you ever feel you need a good fuck in the middle of somewhere random, let me know. I don't have a problem getting it up." He giggled in Kian's ear, kissing his neck. 

"Well that's true. But them two are at it so we'll have to wait."

"Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" Mark gave a devious grin. 

"Do you seriously wanna upset Shane by walking in on them?"

"There's no lock. How do I know they're shagging? I'm just desperate for a piss."

"You're such a conniving little shit Mark. Leave theme be." Kian play slapped Mark's chest but the brunette needed a good laugh so he shushed his man and crept over to the bathroom door, pressing his ear up to the door to hear what they were doing. 

"Mmm Nick you're so good at that. Ah fuck." Shane bucked his hips as he bit his lip. "I'm gonna come!"

Been as Mark couldn't hear Nicky's voice he assumed the deed was oral. He decided he didn't fancy seeing his best friend's penis down the cuties throat so he stood back and waited for them to leave. 

"Well I never imagined I'd be sucked off by Elvis." Shane sniggered, giving Nicky a thank you kiss. 

"Can't say I've imagined blowing Danny Zucco either but he's got a great dick so I'm not complaining." 

"It sounds awfully quiet out there. Do you think Mark and Kian are in there?"

"Who knows? Let's see."   
Just as Shane tucked himself back in, Nicky opened the door to find Mark stood with his arms folded, waiting to go for a wee.   
"Alright teddy Freddie?" The blonde smirked, casually walking into the room to grab a bottle of water. 

"Your hairs a mess. Shane should have spunk on your head instead of in your mouth so you could restyle it."

"Mark!" Shane blasted, still belting up his buckle. "Shut up!"

Kian laughed and shook his head as Mark used the bathroom for its intended purpose. "You're lucky he didn't open the door on you."

"I don't care if he had. He's seen it all before." Shane admitted, confusing the blondes. "I mean my dick, not Nicky sucking me off."

"And that's still OK?" Nicky asked. "When has Mark seen your dick?"

"Well OK I was only 15 at the time but I'd hit puberty. He walked in on me having a wank in my bedroom one day. Mam let him in without calling me down and he just caught me that's all."

The blonde boys laughed in disbelief, still chuckling to themselves as Mark re-joined them. Kian couldn't help but add a dig his way.   
"Now I understand why you were so desperate to open the door on these two. Wanting to see if Shane had grown with age?"

"Excuse me, what?" Mark looked confused but when Shane simulated jerking off, Mark remembered that day and laughed, hiding his face. "Oh god, I'd forgotten about that. Cheers Filan!" 

"You were more embarrassed than me!"

"You knew I was gay that's why. I didn't want you to think I was going to get off on it."

Nicky smiled at him and dared to ask. "So you've never had a dirty thought about Shane?"

"No! I genuinely haven't. He's my best mate and up until he met you he was straight. I respected that and it'd be weird. I'd never think of him that way."

Kian slipped his arm around Mark's back and kissed his cheek. "It's OK babe we're just teasing you."

Shane laughed at his bestie and thought it was sweet that he'd never crossed a line. "That's comforting but I think I'm slightly offended Freddie. I've got a cracking body, haven't I Nick?"

"Pfft, better than anyone else. I'd be offended too Shay. He doesn't know what he's missing." Nicky grinned at Kian, knowing the banter was harmless. 

"Oh fuck off, the lot of ye." Mark grumbled and sat down in the sofa for 5 minutes while the boys continued to chuckle amongst themselves.  
***

After the band were done they ran backstage to get changed but Nicky was reluctant to take off his sexy costume. Shane told him he couldn't wear it to Sixth but he protested. 

"You said I look hot in it!" Nicky frowned. 

"You do but bloody hell Nick do you wanna drawer attention to us all night with every member of my family by your side?"

"Ha-ha, but if I take it off you can't strip me out of it tonight." He reminded him. 

"Babe, seriously. Take it off. You can wear it another time." 

So in middle of the dressing room in front of his band mates, Nicky slipped his arms from the one piece but as he did so, a stranger entered the room. 

"Well done boys. It's a deal." Clive announced starling the now half naked blonde. 

"Clive, welcome." Kian shook his hand as Nicky blushed. "You enjoyed the show?"

"I want to see you do your own thing first but if you're half as good then I'm willing to put you forward."

Shane and Mark looked at each other in shock but hope filled their eyes. The older boy stepped forward and gave Kian his full attention. 

"Ki... What's going on?"

Clive smiled and shrugged. "They don't know?" He tutted at the blonde. 

"Clive works for Louis Walsh." Kian proudly announced. 

Mark's face brightened and he hugged his boyfriend, refraining from giving him a kiss. "You did it?"

"Told you I would." Kian smiled. "So when do you want to see us again?"

"Are you free tomorrow? Louis has an hour free at 2pm. You'd have to come to Dublin though else I can come back next Tuesday to see you alone."

Nicky turned back round to the group with his arms back in his costume. "Louis Walsh?! He wants to see us? Are you serious?"

Clive nodded. "He will after I praise you over the phone shortly. Are you all up for this?"

Shane creased his eyes and opened his mouth to speak but struggled to voice himself. "I... We... Uh, wh... Louis Walsh?! Kian... Called you to... Wow!"

Mark's smile was permanently plastered on his face but he wasn't thinking about being a popstar first. His mind was wandering about how he was going to propose. Kian had taken the first step and he couldn't believe they had already been invited to audition for Dublin's biggest music mogul.   
'God I love that man... My Kian. He's pulled it off. We're gonna be famous!'

Nicky was still dumbfounded and couldn't fathom what was going on. "Hang on... So Kian rang you to come check us out and now you're offering us an audition with Louis Walsh? For what exactly?"

Clive explained. "To be his next big thing. It's not like he's working with Boyzone anymore. His girl band has split up so he's on the lookout. You may not be 18 anymore but you're all good looking lads, talented and the older ladies will love you. They already do, I heard them."

"So we could become an actual band? Like, being on TV and stuff?" 

"If Louis wants to take you on he'll speak to Simon first. If he's interested in giving you a record contract then boom... There's no looking back. If Simon says no, Louis will showcase you to everyone else and promote you throughout Ireland. Either way, you'll get paid more for committing to us."

Shane high fived Mark and smiled. "We're in. We'll be in Dublin tomorrow." He told Clive before asking if the boys were available. They had to be! They had to impress Louis from the get go. The details didn't matter right now. Shane had family waiting for him. 

"Great. I'll send Kian over the details then. See you boys tomorrow. Good luck." 

After Clive was out of sight, Mark, Shane and Nicky pounced on Kian giving him the biggest thank you hug ever. 

"Ha-ha OK lads. I get it... Get off!" Kian laughed, pushing them away before he was squished to death. 

Mark finally kissed his man and beamed with pride. "You're so amazing."

Nicky's wide grin ached his cheeks as he jumped up on Shane, wrapping his legs around the brunette's waist. "We're gonna be famous baby. Our son is gonna have 2 famous daddies." 

 

'He said 'our son'... But how can I take a baby to work as a popstar? What are we gonna do?! I can't turn this down but there's still so much I need to do. Huh, chill Shane, take it one day at a time.'   
"We best not get too battered tonight then."

"I don't care. If we have a chance of doing this as a full time job, I won't drink until we get a number one!" 

"Ha-ha likely story!"

"Which bit? Not drinking or getting number one?"

"Oh I totally believe in our ability to go to the top but you not drinking til then?! Bullshit." Shane grinned, holding Nicky's bum to stop him from falling down. "This is gonna be amazing."

"I love you so much Shay." Nicky stared into his hazel eyes and kissed him attentively. 

"Love you too sweetheart."   
***


	5. Chapter 5

Before the boys could blink, Clive was back on the blower to Kian claiming Louis didn't have time to see them after all but that he wanted to visit Sligo himself in 2 week’s time for a well organised audition. He'd hire a room and send details ASAP. The news didn't dampen their spirits though as Shane felt he had been hasty in accepting the appointment the next day. It meant they could all still enjoy their night, drink themselves stupid and celebrate even more with their loved ones. 

Shane allowed Nicky to remain in his Elvis attire as he was so desperate to leave and tell everyone the good news. He had so much to think about and sort out but that night he just wanted to spend some quality time with his guests, fearing it could be some time before they were all able to socialise and make memories like this again.   
They had 2 whole weeks to perfect a set list and right now the boys wanted nothing more than to down a pint of Guinness each but that became a challenge too when Mark bet he could down it in one before anyone else... But he was sorely wrong, losing to Nicky who wasn't much faster than Shane. It was going to be one of those nights. Without the chili and wasabi shots!  
***

Paige got on with Mairead like a house on fire. Although there was a 20 year age gap, they seemed to be on the same wave length and both supported the band in equal measure. They were over excited about the boy’s news and insisted they were both at the audition. They both believed their support would encourage Louis to believe in them but their biased opinion didn't matter to the professional. All the same, Shane was grateful and said they were welcome if it was OK with the judges themselves. 

By 12am, Nicky and Shane's parents called it a night, followed by Denise, Peter, Finbarr, Yvonne and Adam. It left Gill, Liam, Mairead and Paige with the boys though and as the youngest of the families (bar Adam as the youngest of all) they were all raring to dance and continue their intoxicated night.   
In true style they headed over to Lola's but Mark was adamant he wasn't taking part in any form of shot roulette. To compensate for his refusal, he ordered two trays of rainbow shots to share. Liam politely asked to consume one of the spares and he forced his big sister to down another. When Kian received a tap on his shoulder, Shane cheered, happy to see the café chef, Colm. 

"Hey bro!" Kian hugged him. "How're ye?" He slurred.

"Grand... How'd the gig go?"

Nicky butted in, yelling at the top of his lungs. "We're gonna be mother fucking famous!" Colm laughed as Nicky stumbled on the spot into Paige's arms. "Whoa, sorry doll... And this girl here..." He poked his finger deep into her breast, clearly not looking what he was doing, "She's our number one fan... Our first groupie!" He kissed her cheek with force in his drunken state. 

"Put her down Nick!" Gill laughed. "Stop abusing her."

"Aww I could never abuse Paige. Look at her Colm... She's single!" He winked. 

Paige rolled her eyes at the blonde and pushed him away. "Hi." She greeted Kian's little brother but Shane jumped in and wrapped his arms around the girl himself, becoming overprotective. 

"This is Paige, Colm. She's a fucking diamond all right? You'd be lucky to get in her knickers." Shane grinned, also giving the beauty a kiss on the cheek. "But you can't fuck her about or I'll brain ye." Shane pointed at him. 

Kian laughed at his wasted band mate and apologised for the lad’s behaviour but Colm found it hilarious and broke the news that he wasn't single but thanked Shane for the heads up.   
"Pfft, your loss mate."

Gill and Mairead shook their heads at the boys as they dragged Paige away from the older boys, saving their new friend from being mauled even more. They ushered her to the toilet leaving all the lads to converse in a huddle.   
Liam admitted he found Gill attractive but Nicky broke the news she was off limits. The only single girl with them was Paige and the only straight single boy was Liam and he was older than Shane so she was far too young for him. 

Nicky swept his hand through his quiff, now flat again from the sweat pouring down him. His leather outfit was now plastered to his skin so tightly he squeaked when he moved. Although his chest was exposed, his sweaty groin was irritating him.   
"God is it hot in here?"

Shane laughed at his fiancé’s discomfort but used his question to begin the tease. "Maybe kissing Paige has boosted your temperature."

"Get outta here! I'm only hot for you babe." 

Liam rolled his eyes, having never witnessed his little brother be flirted with. "Don't you fancy her though?! You used to fuck women didn't you?"

Shane slapped the back of his hand across Liam's head. "Liam!"

"Oh come on. She's gorgeous. Surely a part of you is curious."

Shane gave his brother a dirty look. "Really?! That's my fiancé you're talking to you know. Dick head."

"Shane for fuck sake mate, it wasn't long ago you were shagging Rhaiya. Just because you love Nicky now doesn't mean you're not attracted to girls anymore."

Mark could sense the uneasy tension building and feared Shane would flip. "Guys, not now yeah?"

Liam laughed in the brunette's face. "You've always been gay Mark, you don't understand."

Standing up for his best friend, Mark replied. "Whatever mate. Shane loves Nicky and he's not interested in any girls now. Can't you just be happy for him? You know what Rhaiya did. Wouldn't it put you off women?!"

"Mark just leave it." Shane protested, not wanting a full blown argument to break out. Liam was always a bell end when he was drunk. "Liam, shut the fuck up."

"Ooh... Touchy. You big girls blouse. Gees, Rhaiya really did change you didn't she? She was a fucking whore but she was hot... Shame I didn't get to tap that before she killed herself." 

Shane was beyond shocked and hurt by his brother's words. He closed his eyes and counted to ten but before he reached 4, Mark threw a right hook under Liam's chin and smashed his fist into his face. As the lad yelped in pain, Shane opened his eyes to see Liam holding his jaw and Kian holding Mark back. 

"Cunt!" Mark screamed. "Jodi hasn't been dead for 5 minutes and she didn't kill herself!"

"Mark! For fuck sake." Shane cried. 

Liam stared at his abuser and nodded. "An advocate for violence are you Mark? I bet she could give you a run for ya money."

"Liam! Fuck off." Shane shouted, pushing his brother towards the door. "Just go! I don't need this right now."

"Ha-ha, you're so pathetic Shane."

"Me?! I'm a better person than you'll ever be. You're sick in the head. I don't wanna hear your bullshit. So fuck off and don't bother speaking to me again."  
As the girls returned, Mairead ran to her brother's side to ask what was going on.   
"Liam was just leaving."

"Pfft, whatever bro... Good luck with your career. When everyone realises what you let a woman do to you, you'll be a laughing stock... And when they find out you're gay?... You'll regret missing out on all that pussy."

Nicky was now as infuriated as Mark and was raring to break Liam's jaw. He couldn't understand why the rest of his in-laws were so nice yet this particular brother was so cruel with his words. Instead of launching at the idiot, he wrapped his arms around Shane's chest.   
"Babe, ignore him. He's drunk."

Shane told Mairead to get rid of their brother before he was carried out on a stretcher so without asking him to leave, the blonde lady dragged Liam by the scruff of his neck towards the exit. She shoved him away and pointed her finger in his face, giving him a lecture about his unforgiving behaviour. She gave him a warning and told him to leave, telling security to ensure he was removed from the premises.

Shane sat down on the nearest chair and covered his face with his hands. "I'm so sorry about that lads. He's such a prick."

Mark looked at his knuckles, checking for any evidence of his punch. "I'm really sorry I punched him Shay but there was no way I was gonna let him get away with talking to you like that. Especially not about Jodi." 

"Don't worry about it Mark. I'm glad you did. He deserved it... Thank you."

"He's gone babe." Mairead declared the job was done and gave her bro a hug. "What started all that off?"

"It doesn't matter. You know what he's like when he's pissed. He's not welcome to anything else. He ruins everything." Shane shuffled away to the bar so Nicky followed. 

"Sorry boys. Liam always has been a live wire... Seriously forget it Mark. He's used to copping a few. He won't do anything about it." Mairead reassured him then gave him a hug. "Another drink? My round."

Gill and Paige has watched in awe as Shane's brother caused the scene. He looked the most like the popstar but couldn't have been any more different. They were both glad the guy lived in England now and hoped they didn't have to see him again until at least the wedding. 

"I don't know who Shane's going to ask to be best man." Paige made conversation. "He's so close to Mark and Finbarr."

"What about bridesmaids? Who decides? And why can't Nicky have a best man?" Gill thought about how the wedding party would work as there was no bride and both grooms had the same circle of friends.

"Maybe he will. Surely you'll be a bridesmaid Gill."

"I better be!" Gill laughed as the boys re-joined the group in a calm manner. They didn't want to let Liam's bad attitude ruin their night. "Hey hot shot, so who gets to be in your wedding?"

Nicky smiled and shrugged at his sister. "Haven't thought about it. Who has the best man?" He asked Shane hoping for answers.

"Oh, I um... Might have already asked Finbarr."

Mark was gutted. "What?! Oh charming. Thanks a bunch."

"No... Mark I was going to ask you to be my 2nd and share with Finn but I thought Nicky might wanna ask you to be his so I didn't say anything. If Nicky had anyone else in mind I was going to ask you myself."

"Ah, good! So who wants me?" Mark looked between the lads waiting to see. He knew Shane better obviously but Nicky wasn't as close to anyone else. "Nick?"

"Of course I wanna ask you Mark, I just thought Shane would. I'd love you to be my best man." The blonde held out his hand to shake on it. "And Kian can be an usher." He added.   
Gill tugged on Nicky's arm and faked a cough. "What?!... We haven't discussed bridesmaids yet."

"I'd like Lilly as our young bridesmaid. If that's OK Mairead?" Shane asked his sister wanting to keep his only niece in the picture. "I don't have any other preferences. It's up to Nicky. He needs the most assistance to get ready." 

"Hey cheeky. What you trying to say?!" Nicky jabbed his fiancé in the ribs causing him to laugh. 

"You take half an hour to do your hair on a normal day! You can pick maids and I'll pick ushers. Deal?"

"Yeah OK then. Gill, you're it. Chief bridesmaid. Congratulations. Paige, you're in too. And... Mairead? You wanna spot? If you don't feel too old for it that is."

"Cheeky! Thank you for the offer Nicky but I think I am too old to stand by my 8 year old daughter tarted up like a princess. I'm sure you'll find someone else."

Shane smiled accepting his sister's refusal. "It's OK sis... How about you take full responsibility for Cobi on the day? Mam is gonna be flapping around so I need someone he trusts to look after him."

"Now that I can do." Mairead nodded. 

Finally getting a word in Paige repeated what Nicky said. "I'm in too?! You want me?! Why?"

Nicky sighed and held her waist before leaning down to her ear. "Because you're gorgeous and Shane thinks the world of you."

"Aww thank you Nico. It'd be beyond a dream. Thank you so much." She wrapped her arms around the blonde's neck and pulled him in tight for a hug. She received a kiss to her cheek which sent shivers down her spine and she struggled to contain her excitement. 'Ah god Nicky is so cute. I think I fancy him more than I anticipated. Why are they both so perfect?'

"You're welcome. Just promise not to upstage us with your beauty. If you look better than me you're out of the game missy." Nicky joked, holding his hand around Paige's shoulder and leaning in to kiss her head. 

Shane noticed how close his fiancé was getting to his best girl. He was happy Nicky had let his jealousy slide but suddenly Shane started the feel the same gut wrenching fear that his man found her sexually attractive. She was attractive, Shane had said it already but he hadn't felt any urge to see her naked and explore her body with his tongue... Until now. Until he saw his blonde kissing her. It was the thought of Nicky with his tongue down her throat that stirred his imagination. Suddenly his gut fear turned to lust and he was turned on by the thought of seeing Nicky wrapping his fingers around the girl's breast and thrusting his hard cock inside her pussy. It wasn't a desire for him to do it himself, it was all about Nicky. The exact scenario Jodi had lied about him wanting years ago. To share his partner with someone else for one hot, rampant night of drunken sex. 

(See fic ‘3 as 1’ for this chapter)  
***


	6. Chapter 6

Although everyone was hanging, Shane got up to see to Cobi and wave Andrea off. He’d finally paid off what Jodi owed her but learning of her death upset the babysitter. She requested to be kept in the loop about funeral plans and offered to take care of Cobi should he want the boy away from the negative energy but Shane insisted he’d be fine but that she was welcome. He told her he’d be performing a song in her honour with the band and told her the good news. She was excited for the boys but worried she’s not get to see Cobi again if he swanned off on tour with the boy in tow.

“Don’t get too far ahead of yourself. Anyway what’s to say you can’t come with us and be our nanny? It’ll be a condition I give. He’s not leaving my side.”

“I’m so happy for you Shane. I’m glad you’ve got everything you want. Nicky will be an amazing dad too. Just sign the papers, Jodi can’t change her mind anymore.”

“Yeah I know. I’m gonna do it today.” He smiled. Eager to make his family official. “Nick doesn’t know yet though. I wanna surprise him.”

“Good luck and thanks for the cash. You really didn’t have to.”

“Yeah I did. And I don’t wanna hear anything else about voluntary hours… see you soon honey.”  
With Nicky sleeping off his exhausted body, Shane picked Cobi up as he crawled to his ankles but Harley caught them at the door and let out an almighty neigh. “Looks like we’re off to say hello then mate.”

As Shane approached the stable door, Cobi held his hand out ready to pat Harley’s nose but Finbarr crept up behind them, making them jump. “Good night last night?”

“Jesus you scared me… yeah it was grand. Thanks for coming.”

“Where did you disappear to? Mairead said they came from outside and you’d suddenly disappeared with Paige.”

“Oh? Um… she was plastered bro, we decided to take her to a taxi but the fresh air hit us hard too so we just came home.”

“So how come Andrea’s only just gone? She didn’t say it was that late.”

“Just… mind your business.” Shane told him, stroking Cobi’s hand gently over Harley’s forelock. “Good boy.”

Finbarr chuckled to himself assuming his brother had felt too randy to return to the party and chose to spend some extra quality time with his fiancé after a stressful week. “With Andrea in the house?” he accidently said out loud.

“What?”

“What?” Finbarr repeated. “Nothing. Sorry.” He leaned over to give his nephew a kiss on his head and set about feeding the horses. “Any plans today?”

“I hope not. I’m shattered. I suppose I need to speak to Aoife though. I need to organise us singing at the funeral.”

“How are you feeling about it all?”

Shane sighed and cuddled his son. “I don’t know… I don’t care anymore. I’ve gotta stay strong for Cobi bear… I’m signing the form later.”

“Aww Shay that’s great news. Nicky will be over the moon… are you sure it’s what you want before you’re married? What if anything happens and you split up?”

“Gee thanks. 1, we’re not going to split up and 2, if we did, at least my son will have 2 legal parents if anything happens. I trust Nicky with my life Finn. I want him to be Cobi’s real dad too. How else are we going to have kids of our own?”

“Suppose it’d be the same situation with any other child. I’m your big brother, I’m allowed to be worried. You haven’t grieved at all over Rhaiya.”

“Why should I?! She was a fucking nightmare. I’m not wasting any tears on her so just drop it OK and be happy for me.” Shane turned on his heels but wasn’t expecting to find his best friend standing behind him so early in the morning. ‘Great, what’s he doing here?’ Shane rolled his eyes and made his way towards his visitor. The look on their face wasn’t a happy one. ‘What’s up with him now?’ “It’s Uncle Mark look… what are you doing here?”

“I think you and me need a little chat.”

“About what? Can’t it wait? It’s not even half 8 yet. Nicky’s still in bed.”

“Alone?!”

“What?! Of course alone. What’s so urgent that you need to be here so early?”

“I had to be up early to drive Kian to work. He got called in but still felt drunk so I did the honours.”

“And you’re fit to drive are you?” Shane shook his head at Mark and stepped inside the house, placing Cobi back on the floor where he shuffled off into the lounge to his toys. “So? Finn said you couldn’t find us… Paige was feeling sick so we…”

“Bullshit.” He was cut off before he could attempt his lies on his best friend. Mark knew him too well and the tone he used when he was lying. “It might not be any of my business Shane but I caught you. If it wasn’t for me, Kian, Mairead and Gill would have seen you with your tongue down Paige’s throat.”

Shane’s gaze was fixed on Mark’s. “No! That didn’t happen at all. How drunk were ye?”

“Why are you lying to me?”

“What’s it got to do with you anyway? We were drunk, having a good time. So what?”

“Shane, Paige is madly in love with you and you kissed her. Why are you fucking with her head? Jodi dying…”  
“This has got nothing to do with Rhaiya and it’s none of your business what I do.”

“I’m looking out for you. Why would you compromise your relationship with Nicky over a drunken snog with Paige?”

“Look, it was just a stupid drunken moment. Nothing else happened. We’re fine. Just stay out of our sex life.”

“Stop messing with her head then. She’s a good lass, she doesn’t need you wrecking it.”

Shane chuckled and walked away into the kitchen to make himself a much needed strong coffee. “Is that all you came for? Gossip? I’m not a cheat Mark, Nicky was right there.”

“I thought we could go over the song I wrote. Kian and I have made a backing track. I thought you might want to hear it.”

“Maybe later. I’ve got a headache and I want to surprise Nick today so I’d rather just chill out with Cobi for a while first. I don’t even want to think about Jodi right now.” The mention of her name got to Shane though and in that moment he had to take a breath and compose himself. He cleared his throat and grit his teeth but Mark could see how tense he was. 

“Shane… I’m so sorry for your loss.”

“I haven’t lost anything. Drop it.” He bowed his head and closed his eyes, holding back tears. Keeping his back to Mark while he tried to keep it together.

“Shay, come on man, this is me you’re talking to. Why don’t we go for a walk? Put Cobi in his carrier and we’ll go outside.”

“No! I said drop it Mark.” Shane argued, raising his voice. “Fuck…” His regret over his actions at the flat kicked him in the stomach as he remembered using Paige the way he had. It hadn’t felt that way at the time but the more he thought about it, the more he realised what he and Nicky did was wrong.  
“We were just drunk and upset.”

“OK fine, I’m not bothered about that but you can’t hide your emotions about Jodi. The product of your relationship is playing with his favourite toy right there… you can’t just ignore the fact his mam is gone.”

“I’m not!” Shane felt his blood start to boil as Mark pushed him to talk about his feelings. He didn’t want to waste anymore breath on the woman that screwed him over time and time again. “I don’t have feelings for the bitch.”

“I never said you did now but you used to and you were the one forcing us to forgive her too for the sake of…”

Shouting at his concerned friend, Shane let rip, spinning round to face him. “She’s dead Mark! My son’s mam is dead and Nicky is taking her place. Cobi doesn’t need her in his life. No one does. She was a psycho and she’s better off dead. She used me and…”

Mark cocked his eyebrows and sighed. “Wow… I hope to god whatever happened last night doesn’t come back to bite you on the ass because if you’ve done something stupid over your anger towards Jodi…”

“Argh, Mark, please just shut up. I don’t wanna talk about it. It was a mistake.”

“Did you sleep with her?” Mark feared the worst, hoping he was wrong and Shane hadn’t cheated on Nicky.   
Shane said nothing but looked at the floor as his first guilty tear fell from his face.  
“Fucking hell… what were you thinking?”

“I wasn’t. But I’m not talking to you about it. It’s between Nicky and I.”

“He knows? I don’t get it.”

Shane picked up a dirty glass and threw it into the sink, causing an almighty smash. “Argh… he was there you fucking idiot! Do you really think so little of me that I’d shag Paige behind his back? Jesus. Just drop it for god sake.”

All the shouting caused Nicky to wake but he could hear Mark’s voice so as the boys argued in the kitchen, he caught Cobi’s attention from down the hall and held his hands out for the boy to crawl to him. He scooped him up into his arms, giving him a kiss and closed the bedroom door again, locking them both inside away from whatever fight was breaking out. He was far too hungover to deal with it so he did the right thing by Cobi instead. 

“You both shagged her?! What the actual fuck Shane? Are you completely insane? She’s your fucking assistant.”

“So what?! It was consensual so it doesn’t matter. She was upset about Jodi too ya know.”

“You were celebrating your engagement though. Why now?”

“Oh my god Mark if you don’t shut the fuck up in a minute I’m going to brain ya.”

Mark was annoyed his friends had been so careless when everyone knew how much the vulnerable girl cared about him. “So grow up you prick! Stop messing with her head and concentrate of Nicky and Cobi.”

Shane opened his mouth to fight back but it took a moment to voice himself. “I… I’m trying! It’s not exactly easy with everything going on. I can’t keep up with myself. Everything keeps changing and my heads a mess. You have no idea what it’s like for me… I’m not fucking Superman Mark and I can’t just magic everything better.”

“So stop being such a stubborn bastard and talk to someone. It’s all well and good trying to make everyone else happy with grand gestures but you’re burning the candle at both ends and eventually you’re going to burn out and be mess again.”

“I’ve got the most amazing fiancé and son now. That won’t happen.”

“They don’t control your emotions though do they?! Stop being the big man and let yourself grieve… no one is going to hold it against you for falling apart over this.”

“I don’t want to fall apart over her! She’s nothing to me anymore.”

Mark slapped his hands on his own face and groaned. “Ugh, you’re such hard work sometimes.”

“Really?! Are you going to run away and leave me to cope again like you did last time? If you can’t handle me when I’m vulnerable Mark then just fuck off… I don’t need you stressing at me.”

Mark was mortified by Shane’s dig and he felt guilty for letting his friend down years ago. “Oh come on, I’m sorry Shane you know that. I’m not going to let that happen again, I swear.”

“If I’m such hard work then why are you here?”

“Because you’ve been my best friend for 30 years, I love you and I’m worried about you.”

“It’s not your job to worry about me and lecture me about who I sleep with or who I should be crying over. Are you jealous of Nicky or something? Or of me for being with him? ‘Cause we all know you only employed him for his looks.”

“Whoa, that’s not fair. That has got nothing to do with it and for the record, I chose him because he’s good at the job. Being pretty was a bonus considering he was straight before he met you anyway. And why would I be jealous?! I’ve been with Kian for years.”

“So I corrupted him and you hate the fact I turned for him not you?”

Mark was gobsmacked. Shane was twisting everything he said and there was no need for it. “What?! Fucking hell Shane, you think very highly of yourself don’t ye? I’ve never fancied you, you were my straight friend, end of.”

“What’s wrong with me then? Before Rhaiya screwed me over we were inseparable. You’re telling me you never once…” Shane trailed off so Mark let out a frustrated roar. 

“What the fuck Shane? Why are you being like this?”

“Why are you being so governing and aggressive all the time?”

“Me?! What did I do?!” Mark stood up to Shane’s level ready to slap him round the face but he held back, waiting for his punch to Liam’s jaw to come up in conversation. 

“You talk to Nicky like shit for a start. You constantly undermine people and dictate, you…”

“I never undermine anyone.” He defended himself, accepting maybe he did put Nicky in his place from time to time but only with his best interests at heart. “Can you hear yourself right now? Why are you having a go at me when I’m only here to support you and ask you to stop bottling things up.”

“Bullshit. You came round to warn me to keep my hands off Paige and that was none of your business. You barely know her.”

“That’s funny cos you said the same thing about Jodi…”

“She’s not Jodi!” Shane seethed, completely forgetting that Nicky and Cobi would be hearing every word now. 

Nicky appeared in the doorway, fully clothed with Cobi tucked up in his carrier. “Enjoy your argument lads. I’m going out!” Shane stared at his man in silence and nodded. “Do not call me until you’ve calmed down.” The blonde smiled at Mark and walked out of the house, slamming the door behind him.

Mark waited for Shane to respond. He glared at Shane with an evil eye but wasn’t sorry for pushing him into his rage. “Happy now?”

The older boy rubbed his face and took a deep breath, slowly letting it out his nose as he counted to ten. “Thanks. This is your fault you know!”

“Ha-ha of course it is.” Mark replied with a hint of sarcasm. “Nothing is ever your fault!”

Feeling he was being deliberately pressured to explode with emotion Shane thumped the kitchen worktop with his fist and decided to have it out with Mark until he was satisfied. He was so vexed now it was probably for the best to let out some frustration.   
“Come on then… we’re alone now. Let’s have it. Tell me exactly what you think.”

“I think you’re being an irrational prick for a start.” Mark began. “Why are you picking at me and twisting everything I say? Are you that pissed at me?”

“No… I’m sorry… it’s not your fault Rhaiya pushed you away. I forgive you for that… but you’re pushing me to feel something I don’t want to feel.”

“Exactly. You don’t want to but you have to, to move forward and not let it consume you. Why are you fighting this? Why are you trying to save face on this?”

“Because I’m angry Mark! I can’t focus on her when I have Nico and Cobi to worry about and make happy.”

“You don’t need to worry about them. You saw Nicky, he took Cobi away from all this. He’s a great dad, you can rely on him to hold everything together. He understands… you remember the state of him when he thought Jodi was going to die in that lift… he knows that’s just a fraction of how you must be feeling right now. I know she hurt you but you chose to forgive her and she was a massive part of your life whether you liked it or not. You have to release your negative feelings about it all.”

Shane leaned back against the sink, seemingly calmer but he felt his eyes well up. He knew Mark was right but he wasn’t ready to break down. “I did… when she died in front of me I came home in tears, you saw me. I watched her die Mark… I held her hand until I felt her slipping away… she was so broken and battered. She looked how I’d felt 2 years ago.”

“And how did that make you feel?”

“Don’t counsel me.” Shane snapped again. “I don’t need you to psychoanalyse this shit.”

“Really!? ‘Cause from where I’m sitting you need serious help to stop being a tenacious, refuting…”

“I’m a bloke, of course I’m not going to sit gushing to someone about my inner thoughts.”

“You’re the most open-minded, understanding, forgiving person I know. Why are you so afraid to reveal your feelings to someone that could help you see things in an easier light?”

“You’re not a shrink…”

“No but I know a good one. If you can’t talk to me then…”

“If I can’t talk to you how do you expect me to speak to anyone else? They wouldn’t understand.”

“It’s their job to understand! I understand… just talk to me, swear at me, hit me, do whatever you have to but please stop holding back. I couldn’t bear to watch you suffer in silence. We could be Louis’ next big thing, we need to be open with each other and clear our heads before going out into the big wide world. You mean too much to me for me to let you go through this alone. I won’t let you down again.”

Shane gazed at Mark as he spoke and felt bad. He knew his best friend loved him and was suffering himself, stressing and fighting back panic attacks and he felt awful for being the reason for it. “You need to take care of yourself and stop worrying about me and Nick. I appreciate what you’re trying to do for me but stop trying so hard.”

“Fuck sake Shane, I don’t care about me. I’m sad Jodi’s gone so I know you’re feeling much worse than me. Please just promise you’ll come to me when you wanna spout shit about her.”

“She’s dead Mark, she can’t do anything else to hurt me.”

“You sound like a broken record, I give up.” Mark huffed and held his head in his hands. “You’re not listening to me!” he blasted, slamming his hands on the table and standing to face Shane. 

“Ha-ha… taking the hint yet?”

“Are you deliberately goading me to let rip?”

“What are you going to do? Break my jaw to make up for your failing attempt on my brother?” 

And there it was. The dig Mark was waiting for. He’d already apologised for it and Shane had accepted it but the offender knew it was going to be thrown back in his face at some point. “There it is!” he smirked and shook his head. 

Shane laughed again making his friend see red. “I think it’s you that needs counselling for anger management. You didn’t stop for a second to think about the consequences of throwing that hook at Liam. He might be a prick Mark but he’s still my brother. You didn’t need to step in and do that.”

“Fine… I won’t defend you or Jodi’s memory ever again. Clearly you have absolutely no idea what our friendship means to me so I’ll just leave you to suffer in silence. I’ll leave you right now so you can scream and smash more objects shall I? Leave a pretty mess for your innocent fiancé and son to hurt themselves on. Let you break down in silence while you realise what an obstinate idiot you are.”

“I’m not obstinate! I’m just stoic.”

“I’m telling you now, you are not as stoic as you think you are.” Mark held the bridge of his nose and held back tears. “Shane… I love you. I’m begging you to stop resisting.”

Shane stepped forward so his head was inches from Mark’s. If the mood had been different, his friend would had feared he was to receive a kiss but this was no romantic moment as Shane’s eyes burned holes in Mark’s.  
“Get the hell out of my house and leave me the fuck alone.” When Mark refused to move or reply Shane sniggered. “What? You want me to beg too? Because I’m not pathetic like you.”   
A regretful tear rolled down Mark’s cheek as he refrained from answering. He hated seeing his best friend turn on him but he was determined to stand tall and support him; be the punch bag he’d offered himself to be should Shane feel the need to let out his frustration.   
“I’m not going to cry in your arms Mark or beg you to make everything better. I’m not going to let you speak to Nicky like shit anymore and I’m not going to burden you with…” When Shane noticed the tear drops fall from his best friend’s eyes he stopped. He pushed him away, shoving his chest with both hands. “My frame of mind is nothing to do with you so don’t you dare tell me what to do. There is nothing you can do so just drop it.” Mark fell back onto the kitchen table but still remained quiet, allowing Shane to abuse him. “What’s up?! No more insults left to give? Who’s the big man now hey?” Shane lost control and shoved Mark’s shoulder again, provoking a response but Mark just swallowed the lump in throat and refused to look Shane in the eye. “Who’s weak now huh? No fighting back?”

“Do your worst Shane, I don’t care.” Mark muttered, keeping his head down, giving in to Shane’s erratic behaviour. “I deserve it.” Suddenly feeling sorry for himself, he began to think his ‘interfering’ was what was causing Shane to blow up. He hadn’t meant to make the singer feel small, he just wanted to wrench some true sentiments out of him. 

Shane was annoyed he was being ignored now but he was so pent up he lost control and punched Mark’s chest with the outside of his fist. It wasn’t exactly hard but he’d used enough force to make the brunette jar his shoulder. “Come on man. Knock some sense into me, force me to talk about how Rhaiya has completely fucked me up.”

“I’ve tried and you won’t listen to me.” Shouted in his face. 

“So fight it out of me, come on. You wanna help, you wanna force me to talk… so force it out of me!” Shane grabbed Mark’s collar and spun him round, shoving him towards the sideboard but Mark again refused to fight back. “Come on hot shot. Come at me.” He pointed to his chin, asking to be lamped one. 

“I’m not going to fight ye… but you can do what you want to me.”

“Why? Why should I give you the satisfaction of cracking? You won’t win.”

Mark chuckled and grinned at Shane as he waited for his next move. “You think beating me is you winning?! You’re as bad as she was.”

Shane immediately snapped and there was no holding back. He was nothing like Rhaiya. How dare Mark accuse him of being a psycho. Yes he was whacking his friend but he deserved it didn’t he? …Of course not but Shane justified it in his head. “What?! Fuck you!” He clenched his fist and held his arm back ready to clout Mark’s nose but the terrified boy defended himself and held his hand up to catch Shane’s clasped fingers. 

“Jesus! Are you trying to cave my face in?” Mark belted, his heartbeat racing as he was relieved he’d caught the fleshed weapon heading to crack his airways. He just wasn’t expecting Shane’s other hand to reflex so quickly and before he could let go of Shane’s tensed right hand, he felt the left palm strike his cheek. 

“Bastard! I’m nothing like her, this is you, it’s all you!” he snatched his right hand back and this time went back for Mark’s chest, thumping him numerous times as Mark let him. When he finally gave in and realised what he was doing was completely out of character and unjustified, he fell onto his friend’s body, clenching his shirt and resting his forehead on his sternum as he sobbed his heart out. 

Without saying a word, Mark wrapped his arms around Shane’s back, holding him close so he couldn’t harm him anymore. “It’s OK… it’s gonna be OK Shane, I promise.”

Drenching his friend’s chest in tears, Shane choked as he tried to speak. “It’s not OK… I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.” After Mark gave him a kiss to his head, Shane moved his arms round to hug his beaten friend. He placed his hands on Mark’s neck and pulled him in, resting his own chin on the man’s shoulder. “I’m sorry Mark.” He whispered in his ear. Mark continued to hold him tight too and waited for his bestie to calm down. 

“Just breathe… I’m not going anywhere babe.”

Shane stood crying in Mark’s arms for several minutes, feeling safe and regretful in his strong hold. He hated himself for beating him and was glad his oldest friend stopped him from smashing his face in. He calmed himself down and when he felt his blood pressure simmer, he slowly pulled back, kissing Mark’s cheek before resting his head on his.   
“I’m so sorry Freddie. Please forgive me.”

Mark nodded and stroked the back of Shane’s hair. “It’s fine, just forget about it. I won’t tell anyone… are you feeling better for it?”

“Not really. Now I just feel like a complete asshole.” Shane stepped back and wiped his eyes, unable to look his friend in the eye. “I think you should just go.”

“I don’t wanna leave you like this.” He protested.

“I’ll be fine. I’ll call you later.” Shane turned and started heading for the door but Mark didn’t budge. “Huh, Mark please. I need some time alone to think.”

“So go for a ride. I’m not going anywhere. I have nowhere to be today.” He sat back down on the kitchen chair after turning the kettle back on and crossed his legs. “Besides, I’m in a little pain so I need to chill.”

Shane grinned at the boy’s reluctance to leave him alone but instead of flaring up at him again, he took his advice and planned to hop on Diamond for a canter around the paddock. “I never meant to hurt you Mark. I was out of order.”

“I pushed you for it, it’s fine.” He hissed, rubbing his chest. “Just don’t tell Nicky you fisted me, he might take it the wrong way.”

Shane laughed at his dirty joke and was curious to see what marks he’s caused. “Can I see?”

“Oh now you wanna see me naked?! Make your mind up, jackass.” The twinkle in his eye offered Shane comfort, a peace offering, confirmation he was willing to brush the scrap under the carpet. 

“Not naked, just topless! I wanna see my handy work.”

“You’re lucky I love you, ya bastard.” He took off his jacket and unbuttoned his shirt to study the damage. It was certainly red and there’d be some bruises to come so Shane buckled, covering his mouth. “Meh, it’s not that bad. You need to get to the gym and work on those biceps more.”

“It’s bad enough man.” Shane dared to touch his hairy pecs as he looked closer at the patches of sore flesh. “You need a wax!”

“Piss off. Kian likes it.” He grinned watching Shane’s hands tickle his skin. He’d never been touched that way by his best friend before. Shane had never even cuddled him the way he just had either so Mark was beginning to feel all kinds of new emotions towards him. He might never have fancied him before but during his vulnerability, he was drawn to him and found the hazel eyed boy attractive. ‘What the hell… why am I only just seeing what Nicky sees? This is Shane… I don’t want to feel this way towards him. I love Kian. I want to marry Kian.’   
“Have you finished touching me yet?”

“Ha-ha is it turning you on Marky?” When Shane looked into Mark’s eyes he saw a sparkle and it contradicted every time he’d denied fancying him. 

Mark swallowed the saliva in his mouth and looked away. “Don’t be stupid.” He mumbled, hastily buttoning himself back up. “I thought you were going for a ride anyway?”

“Mark… I’m sorry.”

“I’ve told you it’s fine. I’ll make sure Ki doesn’t come after you.” 

“I don’t mean that.” Shane stood back but rubbed his hand down Mark’s arm. “I mean this… I saw it in your eyes.”

“What are you talking about?” he tried to deny it but his face said it all. 

“Mark… please don’t read anything into this. The last thing I want is to ruin our friendship.”

“You haven’t, you won’t. I’m fine.”

Shane grinned and looked down at Mark’s groin. He raised his brow at the blue eyed boy and chuckled. “Ah man, what have I done?!”

Mark blushed and covered his face. “Don’t say anything Shane, please. It’s nothing, it was just a stupid relapse in my train of thought. It doesn’t mean anything.”

“Nicky and Kian can’t find out Freddie.” He dreaded the thought of their men learning they’d just shared an unintentional moment of breach in their platonic friendship.

“They won’t… the moments gone. Just go and have your ride before I do something I instantly regret.”

Shane looked down at Mark and bit his lip. Now it was the younger boy embarrassed and vulnerable. “I’m with Nicky.”

“Didn’t stop you shagging Paige though did it?! And you’ve not known her 30 years.” he mumbled under his breath with a hint of jealousy.

Shane sighed and rubbed his face with regret. “Yeah and it was a mistake. Just like it would be if anything ever happened between us now. I love you too Mark but we can’t ever…”

“I know alright! You wouldn’t anyway, even if you weren’t with Nicky.”

“Fair enough. It’s probably best you think that way… I’ll leave you to it then.”

As Shane walked away, Mark watched him go then closed his eyes as he hit himself in the head, adding to the pain he already felt. “This isn’t happening!”  
***


	7. Chapter 7

Nicky strolled through the shopping precinct with Cobi's carrier under his arm. He wished he'd brought the buggy but been as he didn't know where he was going exactly, he didn't think fast enough on his feet. He'd parked up outside the café and took the boy to see his grandma for breakfast. Mae had plated up Nicky's favourite protein on a plate at no charge as he sat and spooned strawberry yoghurt and scrambled egg into Cobi's mouth.   
On-lookers smiled at the blonde feeding his well-behaved baby, assuming he was the boy's daddy. The bond they had was so heart-warming to anyone that wanted to judge and even Mae's heart fluttered at the sight. Nicky had told his mother-in-law that Shane was feeling under the weather but had already booked the day off work so wasn't expected to turn up down the road.   
Shane was now under pressure to work every other Saturday but he'd not fancied it on a guaranteed hangover this time. Just as well, he didn't want to face Paige and neither did Nicky. That could wait for another day. 

Despite being brassic after their big night out and recent trip, Nicky dipped his hand into his pocket to buy Shane a surprise gift. He knew his man would need cheering up after his row with Mark but he hoped his musically talented boss could make his fiancé open up too, easing the obvious growing tension in Shane's mind. 

"Nico!" Kian caught the man's attention as he sauntered along the path, peering in Penny's display window. 

"Ah hey Keano. I didn't think you were working today." 

"Me either. I got called in this morning to cover here so Marky dropped me off. I wasn't expecting to see you out and about today... Hey dude." He waved down to Cobi who gave him an adorable grin. "Where's Zucco?" 

"At home arguing with Mark! Bastards woke me up so I grabbed this little one and left them to it." 

"Arguing?! Mark's at your place?" Kian repeated, unaware his partner had any intention of seeing the boys again that weekend. "Why? About what?"

"Fuck knows. Shane was bitching at him about something, I wasn't really listening... What time did you get in last night?"

"About 3am. What happened to you guys? Mark said you'd gone but the way he ushered us out was as if he'd caught you at it and didn't want Gill and Mairead to see."

"Really?!"  
'Shit I hope he didn't see anything.'  
Coming up with the same fib as Shane he told Kian they'd had to take Paige to the taxi rank then they decided to go home themselves. Kian had no reason to doubt the authenticity of his excuse so he nodded. 

"Fair enough. The show was brilliant wasn't it? We need to arrange some rehearsals for the audition though... So what time are you heading home?"

"Soon I hope. My arm is killing me. I'll just pop in here first... Anyway you sly dog, thanks again for arranging for Clive to see us. Do you really think we can do this?"

"Absolutely... It has to. I'm on a promise." The security guard's face lit up with a wide, open smile, not going unnoticed.

"Ooh, sounds ominous. Do tell." Nicky nudged him with his elbow and raised his brow at his friend, wanting to know his secret. 

"Don't tell Mark I told you, or Shane... But Mark's changed his mind about getting married and he said if I can make this band work he'll propose when we get a number one."

"Seriously?! Wow that's amazing news. A lot of pressure but an awesome incentive." 

"And a huge disappointment if Louis isn't interested." He pointed out, putting a downer on the gesture. "But who knows. I never thought it was option before so if it doesn't work out I'll just hope he asks another time."

"Aww... Good luck anyway. I'll do everything I can to help. You're great together... Dunno how you put up with him sometimes though."

"Yeah he's bossy and moody but it's cos he's so passionate and thoughtful. Especially when it comes to you and Shane. But I know he loves me and wants the best for everyone so it's fine. It's kinda cute when he gets so worked up."

"Pfft... He sounded pretty passionate this morning and not in a good way. Shane was fuming at him for something... Anyway we'll catch you later; looks like munchkin is ready for a nap."

"Sure, I need to get back inside anyway. See you soon Cobi." Kian waved down to the sleepy boy who still managed to lift his hand to form some kind of wave goodbye in response. 

"Oh Ki, I wanna write another track with you. I've got an idea and I need your skills. I'll call you tomorrow."

"No worries Nick. Catch you later." 

As Nicky entered the store and headed straight over to the kids section, Kian watched the cuties walk away. He admired how the blonde had taken so quickly to being a daddy to Shane's son. He was so mentally together and happy all the time, a pillar of strength through Shane's tough time. He wasn't jealous of their life or relationship but he did envy how close the boys were, coming from a straight friendship to a readymade family in less than a year. They were a true inspiration and the only way he could think of to thank them both for being such great friends was to concentrate on being the biggest boyband birthed in Ireland since U2. Both Nicky and Kian were oblivious to what was really going on at home and it was best for everyone they didn't find out.  
***

As a knock came at the cottage door, Mark dragged himself off the sofa to answer. 'Who could that be? Finn and Shane are outside!'   
"Aoife, hey sweetheart."

"Hi Mark. Is Shane around?"

"He's out in the yard. Are you ok?'

"Yeah I guess." She lied. "No!... No I'm not." The blonde, younger sister of Jodi broke down in tears and surprisingly wrapped her arms around Mark without hesitation. She'd only met the guy once but she was suffering and she knew Jodi had been friends with him, so she trusted him too. "Everything has gone to shit." 

Unsure how to comfort the girl, Mark accepted her cuddle and rubbed her back. "Hey it's OK. Come on in." 

Shane noticed someone enter the cottage from a distance as he led Carlton Diamond back to his stable following a mind clearing 90 minutes of jumping high poles and performing dressage.   
"Finn, who was that going in the house?"

"It looked a bit like Aoife to be honest. But I haven't seen her for years so it might not have been."

Shane handed his brother the horse's reins to be stabled and he ran across the gravel, skidding into the house to see who was keeping Mark company. He could see Nicky wasn't back yet but didn't bother calling until he knew what he had to deal with next. As he entered the house not far behind them, he found Aoife sobbing her heart out on the brunette's chest. His shirt was still damp from the emotion Shane had spread over his bruised chest and the girl's head pressed against his injuries caused great pain but ever the gentleman, Mark kept quiet and comforted the grieving lass. 

"Aoife? Aoife what's wrong?" Shane shot to her side, taking her into his arms to relieve his best friend of comforting duty. "Oh babe, come here."

"Mam's gone crazy Shane. She won't help me organise anything, she refuses to hear Rhaiya's name and she isn't herself." 

"I'm so sorry... She's hurting, she's bound to be irrational. It'll take..."

"No, Shane you don't understand. She wants Cobi back but she refuses to acknowledge Rhaiya's gone. I tried to speak to her about..."

"She's not getting Cobi!" Shane snapped with little concern for the girl’s feelings. "He belongs with me now. He's my son. Mine and Nicky's. Jodi wanted us to have him."

"I know that but Mam is adamant she has rights. But she wants nothing to do with Ray's funeral. She won't help me with anything. I can't bring myself to go to her house or..."

"It's OK honey, I'm here to help. We all are. I'll do anything I can. Take a seat. I'll make us a brew." Shane guided Aoife to the sofa and sat her down, passing her the box of tissues to wipe her face. Mark eye balled Shane every second and followed him into the kitchen to make a calming cup of hot tea. "Just what I need."

"She's a mess huh?" 

"She's such a sweetheart too. Things must be bad if she found out where I lived to seek comfort." 

"Are you going to be alright? I mean after this morning."

"I'll have to be." He whispered, annoyed the relaxing time he'd just spent riding was void feeling the beginning of hardening muscles again. He couldn't escape Aoife like he had Mark. He couldn't tell Jodi's sister not to deal with it and he didn't feel he could give any decent advice but he had to offer a shoulder to cry on at least even though just the thought of having to talk about their loss made him shudder. He wanted to let out an excruciating growl and fall to his knees, clutching onto Mark's ankles in a dramatic scene fit for a soap opera but he did what he did best and held his head high in order to appear the hero. But his stance wasn't fooling Feehily.

"I can deal with it if you want. She'll understand this is hard for you too." Mark leaned back squishing his bum against the worktop and held his hands on the edge either side of him.

"No that's not fair. She came to me for help. I'll hear her out. It's a distraction."

"From what?! Jodi is the problem."

"From thinking about you!" Shane shot him an honest gaze and didn't flinch at his admission.

"What?!" Mark whispered leaning to his ear. His gut twisted and filled with cold blood as he feared what Shane meant. His face skin paled and his eyes widened. "What do you mean, me?"  
Shane didn't reply with words. He simply reached his hand out and placed it over Mark's as an indication he was just as confused by their earlier moment.   
"We agreed nothing happened."

"It didn't... But it could have and that terrifies me." Shane grunted under his breath. "And anyway, something did happen. I beat the shit out of you and now I just wanna kiss it better." Closing his eyes as he instantly regretted admitting how he felt for once, Shane kicked the skirting of the sink cupboard. "Shit."

"You have got to be kidding me!" His best friend was in shock. Yes he'd felt an overdue attraction to his oldest friend but he never in a million years, not even since he switched teams, did he imagine Shane would ever fancy him. He was engaged to a Goddess... 'That should probably be God but Nicky is so pretty and blonde, he fits goddess nicely.' His off track thought made him snigger. "Shane for fuck sake don't do this to me." 

"Do what? Open up to you? I thought that's what you wanted."

"Not about this! Fuck... Just... Make that cuppa and hurry up. The sooner we talk to Aoife, the sooner we can have a serious chat and actually talk this time. I'm not leaving you today until all this is out in the open and if you chose to punch me again... Well you can call Kian and explain why Louis won't wanna see me covered in bruises and a broken nose." 

Mark returned to Aoife, now wiping away the mascara trails from her cheeks as she'd calmed down, admiring photos of Cobi left in the coffee table. One of Jodi's photo albums in fact.   
"You must miss the little guy."

"Do I ever. I was hoping I could still be a part of his life. Do you think Shane would let me?"

"Of course. You're still his aunt. If it wasn't for Shane and I arguing this morning, he'd be here but Nico took him out."

"Arguing about what?"

"Let's just say Shane isn't being honest about his feelings towards losing Rhaiya. I copped a few punches in his frustration but I'm here for him. I know Jodi wasn't a bad person deep down and it was probably Shane's fault for being so perfect that she went crazy in the first place." He chuckled making her smile. "We're here to help ye... I miss her too. We were never great friends but she meant a lot to Cobi, Nicky for a while and of course Shane. She was becoming best friends with our fangirl Paige and everything was going to be OK."

Aoife shook her head. "No Mark... It wouldn't have been OK. It would have got a hell of a lot worse before it got better. That's the only comfort I can find in knowing Ray got out of this sooner rather than later." 

"What are you talking about?"

As Shane joined them with a tray of cups and biscuits, the blonde girl sank into the couch and sighed. “Where do I start?"

Shane smiled and sat down beside her, wrapping his arm around her shoulder for support as he stared at Mark, dreading their next conversation.   
***

Fed up of waiting to hear from Shane, Nicky made his way home with a sleeping baby but wasn’t expecting to find Shane in floods of tears as a car pulled away when he pulled in. Seeing Mark was still there, Nicky didn’t rush but calmly got Cobi from the back seat and made his way inside, placing the carrier on the floor.  
“What’s happened? Who was that?”

“I’m sorry, I can’t do this.” Shane sobbed, turning away from his fiancé and racing out of the house. 

“Shane!” Nicky yelled after him but didn’t chase him, hoping Mark could enlighten him on the going on. “What’s up with him?”

“Huh… I’m sorry Nick, I need to go after him. Are you OK to watch Cobi a bit longer?”

“Well yeah but what’s going on? Who was that driving off?”

“Aoife. Just do one thing for me yeah? Sign that paperwork… now! Shane’s already done it. In fact, sign it and take it to the solicitor. The sooner it’s sorted the better.”

“What do you mean he’s signed it already? He didn’t tell me.”

“It was meant to be a surprise. Please just look after your son and let me look after Shane. It’s complicated, I’m sorry, I have to go.” Mark rushed out of the house and ran after Shane who was sprinting out into a field ready to scream bloody murder.

Nicky closed the door behind him, confused and happy at the same time. Clearly something big had kicked off in his absence but he was happy Shane had finally signed up for Nicky adopting Cobi as his own. It was weight lifted off his shoulders and the blonde felt like he was living the perfect life. He’d got his fiancé and son, he was about to be famous… nothing could ruin that.

As Shane’s legs carried him as far as they could, he collapsed to his knees in the middle of the grazing field and screamed. Every ounce of breath in his lungs was squeezed out his throat until it felt sore, his eyes stinging with burning tears. He held his face in his palms and he felt his body aching, his ribs bursting from his chest as his uncontrollable emotions made his torso shudder. The dry stony ground dug into his knees as he finally but spectacularly broke down. 

Mark’s heart shattered as he watched his best friend crack up. It was exactly what he wanted for Shane to clear his head but seeing it unfold was almost as painful as the bruises on his chest. He held back tears as he thought about everything Aoife had told them and suddenly felt a sense of relief that Jodi was gone. He slowly approached Shane and once behind him, he crouched to the floor and wrapped his arms around the boy’s neck, enough to guide him back to his feet where he then wrapped him up tight against his chest.  
“It’s OK babe… I promise.”

“Fuck Mark… my head is pounding, what am I going to do?”

“Well you can’t ignore Nicky for a start. He’s worried sick.”

“But what if he works it out?”

“Works what out? This is about Jodi not us… what Aoife said… it doesn’t matter. It’s not going to happen now. Cobi is yours and Nicky’s now and no one can ever take him away. So what if Jodi’s mum is losing the plot. Aoife has us on her side and we’ll do everything we can to help.”

“Mark, what if…”

“Sshhh, no point… forget it. You have to let this go Shane, please. Nothing is going to happen now. Everything is how is should be and it’s not going to change.” Mark stroked the back of Shane’s hair and rested his cheek on his forehead as Shane’s wet face, smudged his shirt again. 

“She was going to kill herself Mark! The suicide note said so.”

“But she didn’t. It was an accident. Her mam wouldn’t have gained guardianship of Cobi now you were in his life. Plus now we know this, we can accept that she was never going to be in Cobi’s life again.”

“But why did this all have to happen? Why did she have to turn on me in the first place? If she hadn’t been so possessive then none of this would have happened. I loved her once.”

“And you wouldn’t have found Nicky. He loves you so much Shane…”

“And what do I do to thank him? Beat you then want to kiss it better! It was me that wanted to fuck Paige, me that kissed Jodi, me that touched you… what is wrong with me?!” Shane pulled back and looked at Mark. “I’m taking my anger out on other people by taking advantage of them.”

“You haven’t taken advantage of anyone! It’s all been justified OK? Just forget about it, it doesn’t matter. Everyone deals with stress differently.”

“I’m not a cheater Mark and I love Nicky with all my heart so why do I wanna throw my arms around you and forget my entire life is spiralling out of control?”

Mark inhaled deeply and he bit the inside of his cheek. Feeling Shane in his arms felt amazing and he too wished Kian was a figment of his imagination just for a moment. He swallowed the emotional lump in his throat and clenched his jaw. “It’s not real Shane. You’re not thinking straight… excuse the pun.” He sniggered. “All this crazy stuff going on in your head, it’s clouding your judgement and you’re just acting out in ways most people wouldn’t. Please don’t act on any temporary emotions right now.”

“Don’t go home Mark… I need you.” Shane held onto Mark’s shirt and pulled him closer to him again. “I need you to hold me and tell me everything is going to be OK. You’re the only person I can be honest with.”

As Nicky took Cobi to the lounge, he glanced out the window and saw Shane and Mark stood in the middle of the field, mid embrace. He worried what was going on but didn’t think twice about there being anything between the boys. They’d been friends for so long, Nicky knew they were close. He felt sad that his fiancé was falling apart now but trusted Mark to take care of him so with confidence, Nicky signed the agreement and made his way back into town with the boy, this time armed with the push chair in the boot of the car.

When Shane peered over Mark’s shoulder he caught the back of Nicky’s car pulling away. “Nick’s gone. Come on, I need a drink before I can spill my guts.” He took hold of Mark’s hand and walked him back into the house without a care for if Finbarr saw them or not. Cracking open the Jack Daniels, Shane poured himself a short and downed it in one. He offered Mark a can which he accepted with no intension of driving anywhere any time soon. “Ahh, fuck, that tastes good.”

“Alcohol isn’t the answer you know.”

“Neither is fucking you but I still want to do it.” Shane admitted. “Why now Mark? Why am I feeling like this now?”

“I don’t know but it’s never going to happen. I won’t let it. I’d rather you beat me again at least I can forgive you for that and so can everyone else. You’re emotional and confused Shane. Stop thinking about me.”

“I can’t help it. I know I’m confused. I’ve never been more confused in my life. Rhaiya’s dead, I’m engaged to a man, I have a son, I’m about to become a fucking popstar and now… now I wanna fuck my best friend and I don’t know whether I’m coming or going.”

Mark leaned forward and took Shane’s can of Guinness from him. “Right well for a start, you’re not getting pissed if you’re gonna jump on me. Sit on your hands and calm the fuck down will ye? Talk to me… talk to me about Rhaiya. About anything to do with her and do not mention me once.”

“But I…”

Mark slapped his finger tips on Shane’s lips to stop him talking but it was the wrong move as Shane grabbed hold of his wrist and wouldn’t let go, kissing his hand. Mark was stunned. He didn’t know what to do or say to stop him. His stomach was in knots and his groin was twitching. He wanted Shane so badly and the fight against it was more painful than his red chest. As Shane stared into his blue eyes, he tried to speak but nothing came out at first. He could see the desire in Shane’s eyes and he was scared whatever was about to happen was going to throw more than a giant spanner in the works. He had to stop it, he had to say no and push Shane away. He was vulnerable, using sex as a coping mechanism and he didn’t want to become another notch on the cheater’s bedpost. 

“Shane for fuck sake.” Mark mumbled, barely audible. He couldn’t find the strength to snatch his hand away so he placed his palm on the boy’s stubbled cheek and closed his eyes. “Please don’t do this.”

“I have to.” Shane whispered, taking his chance while Mark’s eyes were closed. He leaned forward and crashed his lips onto his friend’s. It was different. Mark’s juicy bottom lip was a cushion on Shane’s mouth and he didn’t pull away for several seconds but as he did he was touched by a shove from Mark.

“Stop! Don’t! You can’t do this it’s not fair.” Mark cried, annoyed by Shane's stupidity. "You can't do this Shane, Nicky and Kian would fall apart. It'd ruin everything... 30 years man. Why now?!... It's not real."

"Who fucking cares? My life's a mess already."

"No it's not but this would truly fuck it up. I'm here for you but not like this." Mark felt his eyes well up as he had to reject the one friend he loved most. The one person he'd always secretly wished was gay. 

"Freddie I just kissed you and you didn't pull away fast enough. I know you want this too." Shane pulled Mark back towards him and held his head against his. 

"Not like this I don't. My conscience can't handle it. I'm not a cheat. I love Kian, you love Nicky." 

"But you love me right?"

"Of course I do but..."

Shane knew he only loved him as a friend and that's all he felt too but the overwhelming urge to be with Mark was killing him. They'd only felt this way for a matter of hours but they weren't drunk. Just emotional and Shane felt that was a good enough reason. He softly pecked Mark's nose and trailed kitten kisses down his cheek to his lips again but Mark couldn't bring himself to turn away. This was so wrong and he hated himself for allowing Shane to use him this way. 

"I love you too. You mean the world to me. I can't ever lose you again."

"You won't... But this can't happen." A silent tear dripped down his cheek but Shane caught it with his thumb. "Please don't do this. I can't pull away."

"So don't!" Shane whispered, taking Mark's mouth to his and slipping his tongue into it. 

It was a very surreal moment for the boys. 30 years of honest, platonic friendship had been swept away in a tsunami of emotion but it felt amazing. The connection the boys had was beyond what they felt for their partners. This wasn't the same. It was as if they were owed this moment, they deserved to share this one last thing. It could be justified right?! Nicky accepted Shane's kiss with Jodi, he'd willingly taken part in their romp with Paige... He didn't have to know about this. It meant nothing. They weren't gonna fall in love and run away together, it wasn't about that... But it was still terribly wrong. 

Mark shivered as he felt Shane's warm tongue invade his mouth. 'Wow this feels so good. It's not fair.' He reached his hand to cup Shane's head and pulled him in closer, kissing him harder as he tasted the perfect man's lips caressing his own. 'Fuck he tastes so sweet.' 

Shane's hands were firm around Mark's neck, ensuring he couldn't pull away. Once he'd started to feel Mark's breath meet his, he couldn't tear himself apart. He knew if he stopped it might be the end. Before he knew it, Mark shifted his weight and pushed Shane onto his back to lay on the sofa, pushing his hardened groin into the smaller boy's thigh. His big manly hand swept Shane's waist as they continued their frantic snog when suddenly a voice bounded through the room. 

"What the fuck are you playing at?!"  
***


	8. Chapter 8

Having hand delivered the document back to Jodi's solicitor to be officially filed Nicky was congratulated on his new found father status. He was now the official second parent of Cobi Gordon, son to be Cobi Filan-Byrne as Shane had suggested they changed his name. The smile on the blonde's face said it all. He'd fallen in love with the boy over photographs and he couldn't believe the adorable little Irish baby was his. Half of Shane, half of Jodi but now he fit somewhere in the middle. He no longer needed permission to take Cobi where he wanted. The boy was his responsibility now not just Shane's and given his biological father's state of mind right now, he felt the boy was safer in his company so he drove over to see his mam and dad to confirm the news.   
***

Mark jumped up to his feet with the biggest regretfully sheepish look on his face. "Shit."

"Lads? What's going on?" The intruder frowned giving Shane a disapproving glare. 

"Nothing, just fuck off." Shane slammed him, remaining flat on the sofa with his hands over his face. 

"Finn it's not what it looked like." 

"Ha-ha so you weren't on top of my engaged brother with your tongue down his throat?" Finbarr stared at Shane and shook his head. "Well?!" He shouted. 

"Shane, a little help here?"

"Get lost Finn it's none of your business." Shane casually replied, glancing over to his big brother whose face was like thunder. "Just go!"

"You're a fucking idiot Shane. Get a fucking grip!" Finbarr spat at the boys then slammed the front door behind him in a rage. 

Mark was furious they'd been caught and lunged down to Shane to smack him. Throwing his open hand straight across Shane's cheek. "You bastard!" 

Shane shot up to a sitting position and held his face in shock. "What?!" 

Mark yelled in his face and felt his fists clenching. "You know what! You absolute fucking arse hole."

"Oh chill the fuck out Mark. It's only Finbarr. Who is he gonna tell?!"

"That's not the point and you know it. I told you I didn't want this."

Standing to his feet Shane lifted himself up and shrugged. "You did a grand job of stopping me, hey dickhead. Who cares?!"

"I care! I fucking care. I can't believe you put me in that position. It could have been Nicky walking through that door."

"Yeah? Well he'd have joined in." Shane shouted back with a smug grin on his face, reaching for his can to gulp. "I warned you... I fuck everything up. That's what I do."

"Fuck off I'm not buying this bullshit. You have got to start taking responsibility for your actions." 

"Oh I'm sorry Mr Innocent did I force you to rub your cock on me?" Shane resorted back to his old tricks of pushing Mark around by shoving his shoulder. "Mr This-Can’t-Happen... Mr Not-Like-This... Huh?"

"Please don't start again." Mark sighed expecting another thump to his pecs. He'd never seen Shane switch moods like a yo-yo, up and down like this before. He knew it was all in the process but he was getting tired of fighting. Fighting the abuse, fighting the tears, fighting the urge to slam Shane's face against the wall and fuck him. 

"Don't blame me for everything. You pushed me to express myself and now I am. So what do you want from me?" He pushed Mark towards the lounge door, stepping forward with every shove, forcing the taller boy out of the room. "I'm dealing with losing Jodi, this is how I'm dealing with my anger Mark."

"It's not what I had in mind." He dared to smirk at the irate boy pushing him around. He wandered if this was how Shane'd been treated by Rhaiya and since her passing it was playing on his mind so badly he couldn't stop himself repeating the abuse. "Shane, just stop and think about what you're doing."

"Stop?! You want me to stop?" Shane threw his body weight against Mark, causing him to stumble to the wall in the hallway. "You want me to stop this?" He asked, holding his hand over Mark's crotch, caressing his cock and balls on top of his jeans. "You want me to stop this?" He repeated himself, kissing and nibbling Mark's neck. 

"Oh god." Mark shivered as Shane hit his turn on spot. Much like Shane liked his earlobe nibbled, Mark's spot was in the crease of his neck and it took little effort for anyone to switch his cock on like a light. "Oh fuck, please don't."

His pathetic pleas were ignored when Shane felt Mark's dick harden in his hand. "Oh yeah baby, you want me to stop this bad boy from coming in your pants?"

"Yes!" Mark croaked, his entire body shaking as Shane's hand stroked his stiff shaft. "We..."

"We can't, yeah you keep saying yet here we are and I'm gonna fuck you so hard it will have been worth the wait." 

As Mark looked his best friend in the eye he knew there'd be no stopping it so he accepted his life could be about to fall apart and took Shane's mouth to his, plunging his tongue down his throat. As the younger boy held Shane's neck firmly in his hands, he was being unleashed as Shane unzipped his jeans to grab his cock. 

"Jesus Christ Mark, you fuck Kian's ass with that?!"

"Ha-ha not exactly. He can't take it so he has to give instead... There's no chance you'd handle it."

"I don't want to... I wanna fuck you instead." Taking Mark's thick head in his fingers, Shane teased the tip as he licked Mark's neck. 

"Ah... Fucking hell." He nearly lost his breath as Shane worked him up by barely touching him. This could be embarrassing but if it meant coming without penetration maybe he could live with that. "I don't think I'd last 2 seconds."

Shane whispered in his ear, tickling his neck with his warm breath, grazing his lips across his skin. "So don't hold back. I just wanna make you come Mark. Come for me baby. You don't have to touch me, ease your conscience and just enjoy it. It's what you want isn't it? For me to make you come?" 

Mark nodded with his eyes closed. Petrified Finbarr would walk back in on them, or worse, Nicky! The image of Nicky's teary eyes if he caught Shane wanking him off... He couldn't stomach it. "Is the door locked?"

Shane ignored his question and guided him backwards down the hall into the utility unit. Kicking the door shut behind them, Shane kept his mouth firmly on Mark's, nibbling his sexy bottom lip. It drove Mark crazy to be dominated by Shane. He'd always imagined he'd have been the one to take the lead but letting Shane force himself onto him was kinky. A rough and ready Filan was the perfect type. 

"Oh Jesus, suck me off, I'm gonna blow in a minute. This is too hot!"

Shane laughed at his own skills but refused to put that massive stonker in his mouth. He knew where it'd been and he feared he'd choke. "No way man! Just fucking come in my hand baby. I want to feel your hot spunk around my fingers."

Mark felt his balls get tighter and his ass was clenching, his hole gripping onto the thought of Shane's cock inside him. Shane's tongue was still working his neck and lips and he couldn't hold back any longer. "Fuck you're way too good at this. Faster Shay... Mmm, yeah. Tss, oh god... Harder, harder... Kiss me, now!" He grabbed Shane's head and groaned into his mouth to muffle the orgasm as he shot his load all over Shane's hand and his own belly. "Ahh, fuck yeah."   
The brunette panted as Shane loosened his grip and held his cum soaked fingers to their faces. Mark watched as Shane sucked one of his wet digits then offered another to Mark. He wasn't the biggest fan of tasting himself but because Shane had never looked so hot, he did as he asked. Plus it meant he got to suck something on Shane's body while he could. 

"Well that was easy." Shane smirked, proud of himself. He was satisfied with the performance and didn't have to feel as guilty in his opinion because he didn't use any form of penetration and whilst seeing Mark moan in pleasure caused his own cock to harden, he hadn't creamed himself so he saw it all as an overdue favour to Mark. "Do you still wish I'd stopped?"

"No!" He answered immediately then cleared his throat. "It was so hot... Thank you."

"Ha-ha you can't thank me... I was a bad boy."

"Very bad... But it was so fucking good." He grinned, staring into Shane's eyes with little regret. "But don't do it again."

"Yes boss." The gorgeous boy winked and chuckled, stepping away from his best friend. "Let me deal with Finn. Just please don't tell Ki or Nix. I mean it Mark, no one can find out about this OK?"

"I know... I won't say anything. Not even to you." He tucked himself back into his boxers and jeans and scrubbed his face. "I hope this isn't the only way you're going to deal with Jodi."

Shane took in a long, deep inhale through his nose and composed himself as he exhaled it through his mouth. He moistened his lips and shook his head. "I'm sorry I've been a complete jerk today and I'm so, so sorry for hitting you."

"It's fine, just forget about it. I'm sorry I slapped you too." 

"We have to tell them I hurt you. I can take the blame. They'll understand right?"

"Yeah course. And if they don't... We still have each other." 

Shane stepped forward and wrapped his arms around Mark's back, giving him a solid hug. "Thank you Freddie. I love you man." 

"I love you too you dirty slut."   
***

It was soon after their betrayal that Mark chose to go home. He was sore and exhausted from Shane’s actions and he needed time to chill and collect his thoughts before Kian got home. With Nicky still out of the way, Shane took the opportunity to try and talk to Finbarr. It was in vain as his older brother insisted he didn’t want to know. He expressed his disappointment in his little brother but chose to accept it was none of his business and Shane had to make his own mistakes. It did really put Shane’s mind at rest though. He felt sick now and hated himself for cheating on Nicky. He wanted to be honest but knew there was no way he could ever tell his beauty the truth. He was Cobi’s dad now too and he couldn’t risk breaking up his family so soon. 

Sitting at his computer, Shane sipped a warm cup of coffee and stared at the monitor. He clicked up his Word Processor and finally opened his mind to losing Jodi. He felt the only way to get out how he felt was to write lyrics and make a hit out of his emotions. The band wanted more material for their audition anyway so after many attempts at starting something new, he came up with Better off a Fool, Shadows and Beautiful World. 

Singing the words to form a melody, Shane put all his emotion into belting it out, hoping it made him feel better. “Do I stay or do I go, I know I have to choose. Wish you could give me everything but that's something you can't do. I'll take what I can get, someday I know I'll regret taking what I do. I'm better off a fool if I don't have to lose you. Maybe I should turn away before it's too late. Sounds crazy but I know the truth. I'm better off a fool. I hear the talk behind my back, they don't mean to be cruel. But they can't see it's killing me, just being here with you. You maybe committing a crime but I'm here doing the time. Doesn't matter much to you…” 

Moving onto the next track, he strained his voice as he implied Mark’s vocals against the lyrics. “I'm not gonna tell ya, I'm not gonna say that I'm okay, no. I'm tryin' to get over, I'm tryin' to get far away from our mistakes.  
But I see shadows everywhere that I go. It's you, reminding me of how we were, of how it was. I see shadows everywhere they follow. It's you and memories of how we loved. I've had enough of your shadows.”

When Shane had written Beautiful World, he’d got Nicky in mind too. His guts were still burning with regret for making Mark squirm in his hand and he needed to express his feelings for Nicky’s support over such a ridiculously difficult time. He already felt elevated in his self-therapy and after giving his head a wobble, he got a grip on himself. 

“…So quick to point the finger, to find the one to blame. So hard to realise, I kept getting in my own way. I never thought that I was that strong, to carry on, carry on tonight. Forgiveness in your eyes, with nothing to hide. All I know, is you’ve shown me it’s a beautiful world. It’s a beautiful world. No more fearing my reflection. Here I am, with these imperfections. You know my flaws, but you don’t care, you take them all. Till now I was barely breathing but you gave me something to believe in. We’re writing history, life’s made up of small victories. We could go round in circles and never get to here. So good to realise that we have nothing left to fear.”  
***

As Kian and Nicky sat listening to the finished product for the funeral, Mark entered the house. After his wallowing, the brunette had skipped round to see his parents until Kian was due home. He wasn’t expecting to find the two blondes sat on the sofa sharing head phones though so he hung up his jacket and began to unbutton his shirt as he walked to the kitchen, the house seemingly quiet. As he inspected his raw chest, now turning purple, the boys looked up to him in shock. 

Kian pulled the plug from his ear and his jaw dropped. “Wh… what the hell happened to you?”

“Shit you made me jump, why are you so being so quiet?” When Mark noticed Nicky peering up from the laptop, his heart nearly stopped beating. ‘Sweet innocent Nicky. I’m so sorry.’ He retracted his gaze on the pretty boy and shook his head at Kian, continuing his stroll to the kitchen. 

“We were writing and listening to tracks. What happened?” Kian followed his man and tried to study the marks on his chest but Mark kept shuffling away. “Marky, babe?”

“It’s nothing, forget about it.” As he turned he saw Nicky in the doorway with a confused expression upon his face. His curious eyes and perfect pout stared at Mark waiting for an explanation. “Nicky I think you should go home.”

“Why, is Shane OK?” he worried having left Cobi with his mam for an hour or two, he’d need to collect him first. “Where did you get those bruises?! Not… Mark please don’t tell me…” Mark clenched his jaw and dropped his head, unable to admit what had happened. “You’ve got to be kidding me?”

“Just go home Nick. I need to talk to Kian.”

Kian stood up for Nicky and told him to go nowhere. “…You’re not sending him home if Shane’s done this to you.”

“He’s fine now… it was nothing, don’t worry about it. I slapped him back.”

“You had a fist fight?!” Nicky choked on his own words, unable to understand how that could be a possibility. “I saw you in the field hugging him… I know he was a mess but… why would he do this to you of all people?”

“Because I pushed him to. It’s my fault so don’t blame him. It’s all my fault. The whole day so just drop it.” Mark’s guilt was eating him up. He desperately needed to confess what Shane had done but he couldn’t be the one to betray Shane’s trust again or breaks the blondie’s hearts. He could still feel the boy’s hand wrapped around his cock, pounding his length until he came and in that moment he wished he was dead. He had to try and hold back tears with every will in the world as acid reached his throat. He dashed to the sink and spat into it, coughing up his lungs. “Fuck. Sorry.”

Nicky raised his brow and bit his lips as he witnessed the state Mark was in. He was angry Shane could be so foolish as to assault his best friend like it. He didn’t need to know about how they made it to know Shane had a lot of apologising to do. “What an idiot. Mark I’m so sorry. I never should have left the house.”

“It’s not your fault Nico. I think he’s OK now, he’s just finally speaking out about Jodi. He’s got a lot of painful memories to erase as he digests her death. Aoife made things worse this morning and he’s just finding it difficult to accept things would have been even harder if she hadn’t died the way she did.”

“What do you mean?”

“Jodi was contemplating suicide. That’s why she requested the adoption which is a good thing cause her mum was filing for custody as well. Mrs Hutchins found the note in Jodi’s house… she had everything planned.”

Kian and Nicky were in shock. They didn’t want to believe she was so depressed she’s snub Shane’s offer of help. Kian closed his eyes and frowned. “I’m so sorry lads.”

“Shane’s a mess. I was pushing him to speak out and he hit out instead. I just let him get it out of his system and this was the result.”

Nicky scratched his eye balls and let out a growl. “Fucking hell. Right OK man, I’m so sorry. I’ll get off and check on him.”

*knock knock*

“I’ll get it.” Kian said and went to check who was at the door. 

As soon as he opened the door Shane came bouncing in with a happy disposition. He high fived Kian and then scooped Nicky up into his arms, giving him a kiss. “Hey beautiful.” He passed a slight gaze to Mark but failed to greet him with more than half a smirk. “I thought you’d be here. You lads ready to do some rehearsals? I’ve written 3 new songs and…”

“Whoa, fucking whoa, man!” Nicky pushed Shane away and confronted him there and then. “Who the hell do you think you are?” For a second, Shane feared Mark had confessed too much and he looked like a deer in head lights. “Schizoid or what?”

“Ha-ha Nico I’m fine. Where’s munchkin?” he looked around the room for his baby.

“At my mam’s… been as he’s my son now I thought I’d do what was best for him. Being around happy, quiet family right now is what he needs.”

“Thank you. I’m so happy we did this. I can’t believe you’re my son’s daddy too.” Shane ignored Nicky’s attitude and kissed him with excitement. “I love you so much.”  
Mark rolled his eyes and turned away, continuing to remove the clean shirt from his chest. When Shane noticed him undressing he watched from the corner of his eye and suddenly felt cold. Not only was he shaking with remorse about the hand job, he could see the visible pain spread over Mark’s torso and he hated himself. He bowed his head and rested it on Nicky’s shoulder, drawing his fiancé closer.   
“I’m so sorry for everything Nico.”

Nicky tutted, mellowing to his man’s tone. “As long as you’re OK? Babe I’m worried about you, we all are.”

“I’m feeling so much better now I swear. Mark really helped me earlier. I’ve written these tracks to release some anger and I want us to concentrate on the audition now.” He gave Kian a sorry nod and smiled at Mark. “Mark… thank you.”

Mark’s face was straight and motionless as he glared at Shane. He didn’t know whether to hug him or give him daggers but he remained silent and nodded his head once. “No problem.” He sighed and offered the lads a drink before starting their work.  
***


	9. Chapter 9

With the audition for Louis just around a week away now, the lads were getting nervous but they still had the funeral to contend with first. Shane had helped Aoife with the arrangements and they were all set to say goodbye to his son’s mammy. He thought it best to let Mairead babysit Cobi for the day, to keep the boy away from all the sorrow and he because he feared someone would contest his rights to his son. He was feeling much stronger and confident about the whole issue now and he’d been overly attentive to Nicky since his weekend of unfaithfulness.   
Each day he’d been at work with Paige, he’d refused to mention their threesome and the atmosphere was frosty when they were alone in the office. The girl was upset though and felt their actions had affected their friendship until Shane apologised for giving her the brush off, explaining he’d had a rough week and hadn’t intended to shut her out. They’d shared a heart to heart on Friday morning and it ended with a friendly hug to clear the air. Paige was happy he was feeling brighter and congratulated the lads on their family situation but she could tell he was nervous about the funeral on Monday. 

“So no gig tonight?” Paige asked as she sent her last email of the day. 

“Nope.” Shane didn’t look up from his screen as he flicked between Facebook and Twitter.

“Night out?”

“Nope… well Mark and Ki might but I’m avoiding them.”

“Why?!” she chuckled at Shane’s tone. “Sick of them already?”

“No I just… I think I need to chill and reflect a bit more. Nick can go out with them if he wants. Give him a text, you’re welcome to join them I’m sure.”

“But you’re my favourite.” She teased him, restoring their former banter. 

“Ha-ha really? Even after he’s had his tongue and cock inside you?” It was the first time Shane had mentioned their night of passion but he felt OK with it. He’d made peace with it and accepted Nicky was just to blame but they’d enjoyed it and no one had got hurt so it wasn’t an issue. One less thing for the brunette to worry about at least. 

“Hmm, well it was incredible you know that but I much more enjoyed you inside me.” She blushed. 

“Well that’s kinda comforting knowing you’d not be tempted to shag him again while I’m not around.”

“Shane! I’d never do that. Just like you’d never cheat on him. You’re such a great guy.”

“I’m really not but thanks.” He sulked, thinking about Mark again. “Anyway you can get off early if you want. I’m in tomorrow so I’ll finish up early myself and worry about this shit then.”

“Oh, OK. If you’re sure.” She received a silent nod and began to collect her bag and jacket from the staff room but by the time she’d got back, Shane was covering his face and his chest was convulsing. Paige stopped in her tracks feeling bad for catching him in such a vulnerable state. “Shane, sweetheart?” she placed her hand lightly on his shoulder but he shook his head at her.

“Please don’t… just go home honey.”

“But…”

“Paige please. I’m fine, honestly.” He lied, wiping his eyes with his fingers then drying them on his trousers. He sniffed and smiled up at his beautiful assistant. “I’m just having a moment that’s all. I’ll see you tomorrow.” He watched as she left and immediately broke down in a river of tears.   
The anticipation of the funeral was looming over Shane and he was finding it impossible to get to grips with finally having to lay Jodi to rest. He was confident their performance would be a smash but with his on-going guilt ripping his heart to shreds, he struggled to close the flood gates Mark has lodged open. What he told Paige was true, he was trying to avoid his best friend as much as possible to avoid being reminded of the incident but when said friend waltzed into the unit, he aversely pulled himself together.   
“Lock the door behind you.” Shane told him without a greeting.

“You alone!?” Mark looked around, listening for anyone in the back then saw Shane nodding, bashfully wiping his face with the cuff of his shirt. “Why are you crying?”

“No reason.” He picked up his mobile and accidently swiped the screen before placing it in his pocket.

“Don’t start Shane… why have you been avoiding me all week? I’ve had no messages from you unless I send one first, you’ve barely participated in the group chat…”

“Do you really need to ask?!” he snapped, wishing he was alone. He shut down his computer and turned the closed sign on the front door before heading into the staff room for his jacket, neither of them noticing the light shining from his pocket.

“It’s just about Jodi right?” Mark stood in the doorway watching Shane drag his leather coat over his shoulder. “Or are you still mulling over us?”

“There is no ‘us’ Mark. What I did was wrong and stupid. I was out of control and I can’t live with myself for cheating on Nicky. It’s bad enough having to see the bruises I gave you because you force me to open up.”

“It’s you that instigated fucking me Shane!” 

“And I asked you to stop me… but you wouldn’t. You wanted it too. You would have done the same to me if Finn hadn’t walked in.”

“I can’t help how I feel. I love you, I was worried about you and I thought it had helped when you came bounding in my house.”

“I was fucking petrified you’d tell Nicky!” Shane raised his voice. “Yes I wanted to fuck you and I don’t know why it felt good. I feel sick to my stomach about it now and I can’t even look at you when you’re in the same room as Nick. He was looking after my son that I forced him to care for, for fuck sake and I had my tongue down your throat. Why didn’t you stop me Mark?”  
***

As Nicky sat in his office, doing some over time, he answered the call from Shane. He hadn’t got round to letting his man know he’d be late home yet so he assumed he was calling to see what he wanted for tea or ask if he wanted to go for a drink. He wasn’t expecting to be greeted by Shane and Mark arguing again.   
“Shay? You there?” he listened to their conversation but at first he was confused, unsure he was hearing right. 

‘It’s you that instigated fucking me Shane!’  
‘And I asked you to stop me… but you wouldn’t. You wanted it too. You would have done the same to me if Finn hadn’t walked in.’  
‘I can’t help how I feel. I love you, I was worried about you and I thought it had helped when you came bounding in my house.’  
‘I was fucking petrified you’d tell Nicky! Yes I wanted to fuck you and I don’t know why it felt good. I feel sick to my stomach about it now and I can’t even look at you when you’re in the same room as Nick. He was looking after my son that I forced him to care for, for fuck sake and I had my tongue down your throat. Why didn’t you stop me Mark?’

“No… no.” Nicky was beside himself. He couldn’t believe what he was hearing. It felt like a sword piercing his chest, penetrating his heart and catapulting it through his back, pinning him to a wall of barbed wire. The colour drained from his face as his throat ran dry as every drop of moisture reached his tear ducts. “God no… not my Shane, not Mark… fuck.”  
***

“Because you made me want to. I didn’t lie about not fancying you before you tried to beat the shit out of me but now I wanna throw you against the wall and fuck you til your ass bleeds. And I don’t mean violently. I mean…”

“I know what you mean.” Shane sighed pinching the bridge of his nose. “You think I haven’t thought about it? I’d not be able to walk for a week but feeling you deep inside me… we’ve shared so much together over the years. This is just an extension of our friendship.”

“You just said you feel guilty as fuck for last time!”

“I do but… it’s when I’m with you. Why do you think I’ve been avoiding you? I can’t be in the same room as you anymore without wanting to fuck your brains out and I hate myself for it because I love Nicky. He’s everything to me Mark. I can’t lose him.”

Mark laughed at the tear stained boy contradicting himself. “You’re insane. Why are you fucking with my head Shane? I’m with Kian, we said it was just a one off. We can get over this.”

“I don’t know if I can.” Shane admitted, unable to look at his band mate. “I’m falling in love with you Mark.”  
***

A cold rush of blood swept over Nicky’s body as he heard every word of their conversation. His limbs fell weak and he couldn’t move as tears rolled down his cheeks. His torso was tight and it was agony to breathe.   
‘I’ve lost him… it’s over… my life is over.’ It took several minutes before he could muster enough strength to stand. He looked over to Mark’s desk and took out a permanent marker. Standing in front of the white board in the office, he wrote in big letters across the full breadth the words Whore and Cunt. He was furious and wanted to do more damage but he needed to hear everything so he stopped to listen for as long as he could.  
***

Mark was stunned. His eyes widened at his oldest friend and remembered the day he came out to him. The sweet hug Shane had given him and the words he’d said. ‘I don’t mind buddy but if I ever turn gay, I’ll let you know and we can be special friends forever.’  
“You did not just say that… Shane!” he yelled. “Why?! Nicky’s an absolute angel, he’s amazing…”

“I know that but it doesn’t stop me wanting to fuck you does it?! It you… I’ve known you practically all my life and I can’t just switch off this sudden desire for you. Nicky doesn’t have to find out.”

“He’s never going to hear about this because nothing is going to happen. You can’t do this to him.”

“So why would I rather stay here and have you take me right now than go home to him? Of course I love him, I don’t want to hurt him but you’re here and now I can’t control myself.” Shane approached Mark and gave in to his resistance. He’d held back and talked himself out of touching Mark again but over the week, his guilt has wrecked his head and the more he worried about Nicky finding out, the more he’d considered leaving him for some fantasy world with his best friend… but he knew he was being stupid and in reality it wasn’t feasible. But being with him there and then was touchable. Placing his hands on Mark’s neck he plunged his tongue into the boy’s mouth, taking his breath away. “Mmm, fuck yes.” He muttered on the taller boy’s lips as he tip-toed to reach him. 

“Shane, don’t do this.” Mark cried, scared of the consequences. “We can’t… Mmm.” He stopped protesting when Shane’s hand grasped his crotch. “Oh god, Shane, don’t do this to me.”

“That’s it baby, beg me to stop. Tell me what a bad, bad boy I am.”

“You’re so fucking bad but it feels so fucking good.” Mark spun Shane round and pushed him up against the staff room door, digging his hard-on into him, rubbing it across Shane’s to wake him up. “I’m gonna put this so far inside your ass, you’ll have penis breath!”

“Oh fuck Mark, take me… fuck me now.”  
***

The sound of muffled sex voices caused Nicky’s heart to bleed. He wanted to call Kian straight away but he couldn’t bring himself to cancel the call. He heard every single dirty word and groan as Mark worked Shane’s hole, ready to enter him with his giant cock, having always got a condom in his wallet. There was no denying what they’d done and Nicky felt like running away. His life was over. How could he trust them to be in a band together now? How could he pretend to be civil with them himself in order to make a career for himself? How could Shane do this to him? It was insane. The death of Jodi was no justification and he wasn’t sure what to do next. Eventually ending the call, he ripped Mark’s monitor from its leads and threw it at the floor, stamping on it with as much force as he could find.   
“You bastards, you fucking utter, bastards!” he screamed. “I’m gonna kill ‘em, I’m gonna fucking kill ‘em!” he raged at the top of his lungs, shrieking in irrepressible anguish. He’d never been so hurt in all his life and the more he replayed the sounds in his head the angrier he got and the darker his revenge plot become. ‘If they think they’re going to get away with this, they’ve got another thing coming.’  
***

It took a while for Nicky to calm down and think about what he was going to do. He had Cobi to think about now but there was no way he could trust his so called friends. First of all, he wouldn't be letting his apartment go. There wasn't much left in it but he hadn't handed the keys in yet and now felt he might need it. The funeral was days away and he wanted to be there to pay his respects to Jodi so he didn't want to confront the lads yet. If Shane was falling in love with Mark, he wanted to see how long he could lie for. At least this would give him the time he needed to figure out how this could play out. 

Walking into the cottage an hour later, Nicky threw his keys on the kitchen work top before falling upon it. His upper body collapsed across the surface as he held his head in his hands. Emerging from the lounge, Shane wrapped his arms around the blonde's waist and rested his head on Nicky's back. 

"Hard day beautiful?" Shane asked, kissing the back of Nicky's head. "You seem tense." He observed, giving him a quick shoulder rub but Nicky shrugged him off without thinking. "Babe what's up?"

Nicky had to stop himself from crying before he turned to face his fiancé so he took a deep breath and cleared his throat. "Yeah you could say that." He avoided eye contact with the brunette and marched his way straight to the bathroom for a shower. 

"Nix?" Shane followed, wondering why his baby was so blue. 

"You going out tonight?"

"No I'm working tomorrow. Figured I'd have a weekend off. Mark and Kian are out though." Shane rubbed his hands over Nicky's topless back after he'd began to strip for a long soak under hot water in order to wash the images away. "I thought maybe you and I could have a nice night in together. Just you and me, a good film, take out. We could have a drink or two and get naked."

Nicky wanted to laugh in his face. 'Aren’t you knackered from shagging Mark?!' his inner bitch wanted to yell but remained tight lipped. "Sorry, I've already agreed to meet Paige out for a drink." 

"Did she message you then? I did tell her to."

"Yeah she did. I'm dying for a drink and you said you needed space so you can have it!" Nicky's tone was obviously a pissed off one but Shane had no idea what was up his nose. "Excuse me, I need a shower."

Shane frowned at his fiancé, gutted he didn't want to stay home with him. "Oh babe, please stay home with me. I've missed you this week. We haven't had much time alone together."

Nicky seethed and refused to turn around. 'So you shag someone else!' "Sorry, she was desperate. We're not even meeting Mark and Kian til later. She wants to chat about Jodi and stuff."   
'Might just have to fuck her afterwards!' He closed the bathroom door behind him and climbed into the shower holding back a cascade of emotions. Seeing Shane face to face now made him angry, hurt and heartbroken. All he could see in Shane's eyes was Mark. 'This has to be some kinda dream... Nightmare!' 

By the time he'd got out of the shower, Shane was wearing sweat pants and a long sleeve top. That top he'd acquired from Nicky the first night they met. He still wore it occasionally, mainly to bed on chilly nights or for a while before hand at least. Nicky loved seeing him in that garment but this time it tore him apart. The happy memory of meeting the love of his life was now tarnished and he wanted to rip the material off Shane's back, tearing it into a thousand pieces in front of his face. 

"Oh hello sexy! You look hot tonight, as always. I'm jealous I'm not coming out now." Shane marvelled at his stunning man ready to paint the town red. 

Nicky faked a smile and asked if Shane had seen his silver chain, remembering he'd kindly taken it off for him a few days before. He didn't really need it but when he'd entered the room Shane had been grinning at his phone like a Cheshire cat and he wanted to separate the brunette from it so he could check over his messages. Shane wasn't one for having his mobile plastered to his hand 24/7 so he knew it'd get left in the arm of the sofa.

"Erm, yeah I think I put it in my drawer. I'll go look for ye." He jumped up and gave Nicky a kiss on the cheek as he passed. 

The blonde crept over to the couch and peered down at the device seeing the message app open. There was a text from Mairead about the funeral, an entire history of conversation between themselves and some from Mark; the only ones he was interested in. Daring to scan through them he was immediately faced with flirting texts. They'd been talking constantly for the last hour about their affair and Nicky hated every word. 

'How is your sweet ass now?'  
'Sore, don't think I can let Nicky fuck me tonight. I'll do him instead ;)'  
'Lucky son of a bitch. I want your cock in me next time.'  
'Yeah you want it bitch, Paige fuckin loved it too.'

Nicky couldn't believe Shane had blabbed to Mark about their threesome. But most of all he felt sick reading that they intended there to be a 'next time'. This wasn't just a drunken mistake, it was an affair and he wasn't taking it lying down. He'd seen and heard enough. 

Just as Nicky replaced the handset back down, Shane returned with the bling in his hand. "Here you go sugar. Say hi to Paige and the lads for me. Have a great night. I'll miss you."

"I'm gonna miss you too." Nicky frowned thinking about the long term. "I love you so much, you do know that right? You trust me?"

"Of course I trust you. You don't think I'm paranoid about you being with Paige do you?"

"I dunno, I'm just checking. I'd never cheat on your Shane you know that don't you?! I can't imagine anything more painful than tearing our family apart over a shag with someone else. We're a proper little family now. We have everything we need... No one else comes into it." Nicky guilt tripped Shane, hoping the strategy made him feel bad for a while. 

"Yeah I know baby. I have everything I need with you. I'm proud to say you're Cobi's daddy too. You're perfect." Shane held Nicky's neck in his hand and kissed him but it made the blonde feel sick.

'Fucking lying cunt.' Nicky sighed and nodded with a fake grin. "Right well I best be off then. Have fun on the couch all night you lazy pig."

"Ha-ha, I'll be asleep by 9 no doubt." He followed his man down to the front door and admired his cute little butt cheeks. "Nico."

"Yeah?"

"I love you... Don't ever forget that."

Nicky smiled with sad eyes and leaned in to kiss Shane's cheek. "My world would crumble without you. You're everything to me. I love you too." He squeezed Shane's hand and opened the front door as his taxi waited to drive him into town. "Laters Filan." Nicky's stomach was in knots bidding farewell to his love. This can't be the end surely.   
***


	10. Chapter 10

It took all of 3 pints and 2 shots of Tequila to get Nicky tipsy. He'd not managed to eat anything before leaving the house as the sick feeling in his belly was burning his throat. He'd picked up some antacids on the way passed a news agents and necked 2 to freshen his breath before he met Paige. They'd found it much less awkward to carry on where they'd left off the weekend before. The pair joked and laughed as usual and talked about their celebrity crushes but with Kian constantly bugging him to join them in Sixth he finally gave up his alone time with the gorgeous girl and mentally prepared himself to face Mark.   
By this time he was angrier with Mark than he was Shane. He had to work with Mark whether they got a record contract or not and the thought of sharing pleasantries in the office next week killed him. Until he decided for sure how he was going to deal with the truth, he had to hold back from glassing the younger lad in the face. 

"Nico, you're here." Kian grinned, giving him a hug as Paige and Nicky reached them at the bar. "What took so long? Hey Paige."

"Sorry we were just talking. Where's Freddie?" He asked, hoping the prick had gone home. 

"The men's. What are you drinking? Is Shane alright?"

"Yeah he's grand. Double JD and coke for me. Honey?" He asked Paige who requested a Pornstar Martini. "Right then Keano. It's your mission to get me fucking wasted tonight. I'm half way there already." As Mark reached them and was in earshot he repeated the brunette's words from earlier. "I'm gonna fuck Shane so hard tonight he had penis breath."   
Mark failed to respond to Nicky's comment finding it strange that he'd said pretty much the same thing hours ago. He could barely even look Nicky in the eye so he compensated by pulling Kian in for a kiss.   
"Aww look at you two. So loved up." 

Kian smiled and kissed Mark back. "Yeah he's a good boy." 

Paige held her hand on her heart and gave them an adoring smile. "So cute. I wish I had someone that loved me as much as Mark loves Kian and Shane loves you." She said to Nicky. 

"Oh yeah, there's nothing like it." Nicky replied, giving Mark the evil eye but luckily his bosses face was buried in Kian's neck so he didn't notice. "Shane has so much love to share!"   
Paige smirked and leaned her head on Nicky's shoulder. In return the blonde placed his hand firmly around her back and squeezed her close to him. He turned to whisper in her ear to make her giggle.   
"And sharing you was amazing." He flirted, now feeling he had no reason to feel guilty for it. "Play your cards right and there might be another hand dealt."  
'My hand deep inside her pussy. See how Shane likes being cheated on!'  
***

Nicky tried his best to put aside any foul feelings towards Mark for the night. He kept changing his opinion on who he hated most for what he heard but to be fair he knew Mark had been reluctant to go through with it, thinking of Nicky more than Shane had. He wanted to enjoy himself a little more before he brought their worlds crashing to their feet and he wasn't ready to break Kian's heart yet. Eventually, he thought he might warn the blonde what was going on but until he was ready, he swallowed the bile in his throat and stood strong trying to keep his jibes to himself.   
One thing he didn't hide was his flirting with Paige. He knew Mark was aware of their night of passion but Kian just brushed his behaviour off having seen the banter between them many a time before. 

Completely drunk already, Nicky scooped Paige up in his arms as he joined her at the bar. "Hey gorgeous. What are you getting?"

"Well I'm getting a cocktail and you're having nothing."

"What?! That's mean. I'll have a slippery nipple." 

"Oh will you now?" She laughed not sure whether he meant it literally or the drink. 

"That... Or you could give me one for free." He raised his brow at her and flashed his cheeky grin. "I'm sure Shane would be up for it again."

"I really don't think he is. Not from what he said today. He regrets it."

"Bullshit!" Nicky spat, wishing he could expose Shane's dirty secret. "He's a man whore!" Nicky bitched and Paige sensed he wasn't joking. 

"Nicky are you OK? Shane loves you, he couldn't stress that enough." 

"Hmm... Well he's a fucking liar." Nicky frowned, unable to hold his tongue this time. "Sorry. He's just pissed me off tonight. It's just hard knowing the funeral is in a couple of days. He's not coping very well."

"He was crying at work today before I left. I didn't want to say anything but he seemed really cut up about something. I guessed it was about Jodi."

"Oh right. Maybe. Anyway he'll be fine."

"What about you? How do you feel?"

Nicky sniggered and shook his head. "I'm drunk and horny that's how I feel."

"Nix, you're an absolute fox but I'd never hurt Shane by going behind his back. Just like he'd never cheat on you!"

Nicky took a deep breath and bit his cheek, cocking his head. "You really believe that do you? That Shane's a saint?"

"Well I'm not being biased or naive but yeah I do. I can see in his eyes how much he loves you OK so don't be so paranoid."

"If only you knew the truth!" He mumbled under his breath but she couldn't quite make out his defeatist volume so ignored him as she handed him a pint. "Oh cheers." He instantly cheered up at the sight of more alcohol and hoped Paige's cocktail soon hit her hard so she wouldn't mind him slipping his tongue in her mouth.   
As he turned to find Mark at the table on his own, he couldn't help but judge the teenage grin on his lips as he read his mobile. Oblivious to the blonde ogling at him, he replied to his text with lust in his eyes but shoved the phone back in his pocket before Kian could catch a glance on his return. Nicky clenched his jaw knowing full well he'd been texting Shane so he joined the boys at the table. 

"Hey Mark, can I borrow your phone to text Shane? Mine's completely dead." Nicky asked but the hesitation on Mark's face painted a thousand words. The words 'No' and 'Guilt' came to Nicky's mind. 

"Oh um... I was about to text him anyway. I can do it. What do you want me to say?"

"You really wanna know?" Nicky raised his eye and smirked. 

"You're not using my phone to send dirty texts to your boyfriend." 

'Oh but you can!'   
"Fiancé Mark! He's my fiancé!" Nicky reminded him to rub it in. His reluctance was all Nicky needed really. He didn't think he wanted to see their exchanges after all. "Just let him know I'm still out but I'm OK and that my phone's dead. Cheers." 

When Nicky dropped the subject Mark breathed a sigh of relief. He needed to get their conversation deleted from his history sooner rather than later so he told the lads he was going outside for a smoke to do just that. While inhaling his nicotine he cleared his messages but instead of sending his text to Shane, he accidentally posted it to Nicky too. 

'Nix wanted 2 use my phone so had 2 delete shit ;) his phone is dead but he's OK. Doesn't suspect a thing <3 wish u were here, c u Mon baby xxx' 

Nicky checked his phone as he visited the men's and saw the text from Mark. “What a dick!” The antagonism he felt from receiving the message, presumingly by mistake, made his essence boil. ‘He’s my baby not yours!... well he was… now what?!’ He took a screenshot of the text and then deleted the original source, turning his phone on silent so it didn’t sound and prove he’d been lying. This was the last straw for the night. He was ready to strangle Mark and couldn’t gather enough courage or composure to hold it together. Pulling his phone back out of his pocket, he messaged Paige, asking her to meet him at the back door of the bar. He needed to leave but wasn’t going home alone.  
***

Nicky stretched out on the sofa in the flat at Bridge Street. He rested his head in Paige’s lap as she yawned and looked up at her with sorrow in his eyes. She felt comfortable with the blonde cutie positioned like so and stroked his hair with one hand as Nicky linked his fingers into her other hand and placed it still on his chest. 

“Sorry to cut the night short sweetheart.” He apologised. “Everything’s been so crazy recently I don’t think getting hammered was such a good idea.”

“What’s going on Nicky? I’m really worried about the two of ye.”

Nicky averted his gaze for a second and took a deep breath in through his nose, contemplating whether to open up to Shane’s assistant or not. He didn’t really want to spoil the element of surprise in his revenge but he needed to talk to someone about what he knew.  
“If I tell you something, you have to promise not to repeat it or insinuate anything about it. I don’t want it getting out.”

“Sounds serious.”

Nicky nodded and looked up at Paige. “Shane isn’t the guy you think he is ya know? He’s not the guy I thought he was either… I don’t know why he’s being so senseless. I mean, I totally understand it’s been hard for him to open up about Rhaiya but he knew I was there for him. When Jodi died… well since then he’s been so irrational… sleeping with you wasn’t something he’d have considered if he was in his right mind. But since then… everything he’s done has been so out of character… last Saturday, the morning after we’d, ya know… he beat Mark. Like, proper pelted the shit out of him.”

“You’re kidding, what for?!”

“Mark was pushing for him to open up about Jodi’s death but then her sister turned up and added even more rough news and I think he just snapped… but after he’d calmed down… after what I heard today I assume that’s when it happened. He’s been avoiding Mark all week.”

“Nick, what happened?”

“I did some over-time today but Shane called me… accidently and I heard everything. Literally everything.” His eyes began to fill and his chin quivered as he came close to admitting Shane’s infidelity. “He and Mark were talking… they’ve um… they’ve been…”

“Oh no, please don’t tell me they’ve…”

“They’re having an affair.” His voice wobbled as he said those words. “I heard everything over the phone, down to the pain in Shane’s moaning as Mark… took my husband away from me.”

“Oh Nicky, I’m so sorry.”

“That’s not even the worst bit… if I thought it was just a mistake, a one off then maybe, just maybe I would have been able to forgive him and blame his state of mind on it but not now. He told Mark he was falling in love with him and they’re continuing to see each other. They’ve been texting each other all night… when I got home from work Shane wanted me to stay home and have a romantic night in but I couldn’t even look at him.”

“So they don’t know you have any idea?”

“Nope… I don’t know what to do. Mark sent me the text he was supposed to send Shane… I just couldn’t face him in case he realised what he’d done. I know he would have twisted it to mean something else. I just can’t believe he can be so normal and nice to my face when he knows what he’s done. He knew I was out processing the adoption but he still let Shane fuck him and ruin my life.”

“I can’t believe this Nicky. I don’t understand why he’d do this. Are you 100% sure they had sex earlier?”

“Babe it was clear as day. Mark was telling him not to but Shane pursued him and I heard my fiancé orgasm with another man. They spoke about it, they were talking dirty, Shane admitted his feelings and they promised they’d keep it from me! What sort of sick fucker does this? Why now?” Nicky felt a lot better for speaking out but so much worse for admitting it. It made it feel much more real to share his findings and he couldn’t and wouldn’t stop tears from rolling down his cheek. “I thought he loved me Paige. He’s made me his son’s daddy for Christ sake, he proposed to me and since then he’s started fucking his best friend. How do I compete with Mark?”

“I’m so sorry.” The girl was beyond disappointed in Shane and felt no attraction to the lying, cheat anymore. “He’s had us both fooled that’s for sure. Do you think he just used me because of Jodi?”

“Maybe for the sex but nothing else. I know he genuinely adores you… the threesome isn’t even an issue, it’s his feelings for our band mate, my boss, his best friend that scares me. He might not be dealing with Jodi dying but that isn’t a good enough excuse for me to stick around. How can I ever trust him?” Nicky wiped his tears as he stared dead ahead, avoiding eye contact with the girl above his head. 

Paige could feel herself reaching the same devastating emotions as Nicky but she kept her cool to support him. She was so surprised Shane could do such a thing but in reality she realised she didn’t know him at all. She was just his co-worker, a friend at best and a fan but she didn’t really know Shane. She knew he was gorgeous and great in bed but when it came to anything else, she was clueless. All she knew now was that he’d broken Nicky’s heart and it pained her to see the other boy beside himself. She squeezed his hand leaned down to kiss his head.   
“Now I understand what you meant about him being a liar and why he denied being a good guy earlier. I feel sick… I can’t believe he’s done this to you. What are you going to do?”

“I have to keep quiet until after the funeral. I want to give Jodi the send-off she deserves and I want to perform the song we’ve written but after that… I don’t think Westside exists and that’s going to kill Kian as much as finding out Mark has screwed him over.”

“You can’t pretend all weekend that nothing’s wrong!”

“I have to… I’ll just stay away. I’ll stay here, I don’t care. I just can’t sit around and worry every time Shane touches his phone that he’s sexting Mark.”

Paige scuffled in her seat wishing she could make everything better. “Nix…” She let go of his hand and wiped his cheeks with her thumb. “I’m so sorry sweetheart.”

Nicky slouched onto his side and supported his head on his hand, elbow digging into the sofa cushion by Paige's thigh. “Why is he doing this to me Paige? What have I done to deserve this?”

“Nothing.” She lifted his chin with both hands and guided him to sit up. “You’re such a beautiful person Nicky. You took on all of Shane’s issues and he’s throwing it back in your face because he can’t deal with his own feelings towards Jodi. Don’t cut him off yet, let him explain.”

“Explain why he’s shagging his best friend?! He’s got feelings for him, where does that leave me?”

“Mark loves Kian, it doesn’t mean they’re going to leave you both.”

“It’s not their choice anymore! They’re not gonna get away with this and you can’t say anything to anyone. Please, Paige.” Nicky cupped her hands into his as he climbed to his knees and sat up, pressing his body against her. “And I need you keep away from him on Monday. Don’t let him use you as a shoulder to cry on.”

“I won’t let him touch me babe. I don’t even wanna see him right now… bastard.”

Nicky smirked at her support and was glad he’d told her about it. He was still extremely intoxicated but by now so was she. “Now do you know why I insinuated being with you again?”

“I don’t wanna be a sympathy fuck Nicky. You’ll be just as bad as him.”

“No I won’t. He’s already started the affair, he’s already lost me… but OK yeah it would be a revenge fuck but are you saying you’re not up for that either?” he held his palm on her flawless cheek and his groin began to twitch. “I mean it’s cool if you don’t want to. I didn’t bring you here for that… just… if you do the offers there.”

“It wouldn’t help matters Nicky. If things were different then sure but I have to be the bigger person and say no. We’re drunk and you’re emotional and vulnerable. We can’t.”

Nicky nodded and agreed. “Yeah I know… but thank you for listening. I’ll decide what I’m going to do and leave you out of it.” He moved away from temptation and stretched his body back into shape. “I’m gonna head to bed anyway. You’re welcome to hit the couch or go home. I don’t mind, I’ll be fine on my own.”

“Nix… it’ll be OK. Whatever happens… it’ll be OK.”

Nicky nodded and left her in silence, slightly relieved she’d denied him the chance to let out his frustrations on a lousy, drunken shag. As angry as she was with Shane, she couldn’t be the girl that led Nicky astray. She’d promised not to come between them and although the damage was already done, she didn’t want to be a part of the argument when Nicky blew the roof off. But it might not be a choice.

When Nicky didn't make it home that night Shane assumed he'd done his usual trick of sleeping at the flat so he didn't question it. The flat was a convenience for that right now but Shane still worried he'd not heard from his man. He knew there a charger to turn his phone on so why was the blonde ignoring him? Mark claimed their friends disappeared without a word and when Shane discovered he'd crept off with Paige, for a second he did fear they'd snuck off for a quickie. But he remembered Paige's sincere promise as his wild thoughts and paranoia tried to take him over. 

After waving Paige off in the morning, Nicky freshened up and prepared himself to go home. Was it really home anymore?! He's still got his own apartment to fall back on and was now thankful he hadn't rushed to throw it away. He'd doesn't most of the night planning his future and how it would affect Cobi. His mind changed no end of times as he took his fatherly duties seriously. Cobi was his son now too and it didn't matter that there was no blood between them. He remembered that he hadn't got round to giving Shane the gift he'd thoughtfully bought him last weekend so he spitefully planned to present him with it today. He wanted Shane to look back on it in a week's time and feel a cold stab to his heart.   
Nicky may come across as an angel but when pushed to his limit he was capable of switching into an unrecognisable soap villain and no one would see his actions coming.   
***


	11. Chapter 11

"Morning gorgeous." The blonde entered the cottage and gave his fiancé a kiss. "Sorry I didn't make it back last night. Where's Cobi?"

Shane smiled at his beauty arriving home. He'd missed him. "Mairead took him outside to see Harley and Austin. She just popped by to collect his travel cot ready for Monday. How was your night?"

"Not bad. We weren't out late to be honest. I wasn't feeling it after so we just chilled at the flat... Nothing happened I swear. Paige didn't even insinuate a suggestion of it."

"How is she? I think I worried her earlier. I was a bit emotional as she left work."

"Yeah she mentioned that. Are you OK?" Nicky couldn't think of anything worse than pretending to care but he needed to use his acting skills for now. He slid his arms behind Shane's back and kissed his neck, holding back the vomit in his throat. He knew Mark's lips had been there. 

"I'm just nervous about Monday I suppose. Saying goodbye is going to be so hard. Aoife isn't even sure her mam will turn up. The only thing keeping me going is knowing we have the audition next Friday and that I have you by my side." 

"Monday will be fine. Then it'll all be over."   
'It'll be over for sure. Prick!'  
"I have something for you. I'll go grab it." When he presented the wrapped gift to Shane the brunette's eyes lit up. "I was meant to give you it last week but never got round to it."

"Oh wow." Seeing the framed photo of Nicky with Cobi made Shane emotional. "When did you get this done? It's beautiful."

"Last Saturday. There was a pop-up studio in town so we took some shots and they printed it off there and then. Pretty sweet huh?"

"Nicky it's amazing, thank you. I love it so much." Shane gave him a hug and kiss, still holding the professional print with pride. "I'm so lucky to have you. You're so beautiful, thank you." 

Nicky could see the genuine delight in Shane's eyes over the stunning picture of father and son but it wasn't enough. "It's just a permanent reminder of my commitment and love. Whenever you feel down you can look at this and know how good life is now."

Mark didn't enter Shane's head once while he shared this moment. He'd forgotten about his growing feelings for someone else as he agreed with his fiancé that life was beautiful after all. With a huge smile on his face, Shane placed the frame down safe on the table and took Nicky's cheeks in his hands. 

"You are the most adorable man on the planet. I can't wait to marry you." Shane pressed his lips into Nicky's and the blonde simmered enough to respond. 

He knew he'd miss this. Shane tasted so good and every time their mouths met, Nicky got tingles. The excitement of sharing the boy's embrace had never faded, only now Nicky found it harder to pull away in case it was their last. 

"I hope you realise just how much I love you Shane. I don't even wanna think about being without you again... You're everything to me and if I lost you now I'd be... I'm not even gonna think about it."

"You are never going to be without me baby. I need you. I love you too." Taking Nicky into his arms the boys shared a tentative kiss, temporarily melting away Nicky's hurt. He needed to feel Shane inside him one last time. 

"Be with me babe. I need to feel you close to me... In me... Please." 

Shane could see Nicky was upset about something and felt to blame for being so angry and distant recently so he nodded and continued to kiss his boy as he led him to the bedroom, completely unaware that the wonderfully, loving time they were to share could to be their last.   
***

The boys stood outside the church waiting for the hearse. Shane hadn’t spoken to Mark other than to say hello when they arrived so the 4 lads stood in their couples. In silence, bowing their heads in respect. Their sharp black suits offered little warmth in the bitter, wet weather and although it was a dull day, Shane still wore sunglasses to cover his dark circles caused by not sleeping well all weekend. When Jodi’s mum stepped out of the hearse with Aoife, Shane gave them a warm smile as he clutched Nicky’s hand. Nicky added a nod and put his arm around Paige as she shuffled down the line to be close to someone she knew. He gave the girl a kiss to her head but Shane didn’t flinch until she reached for his hand.

“It’s gonna be OK babe.”

“Thanks for coming.” He muttered, giving the young lass a hug. 

Paige raised her brow at Nicky and turned round to give him another cuddle as she turned her back on Mark and Kian. They waited for the procession to enter and followed Jodi’s family so they could be near the front, ready for their performance. Paige shuffled down the pew first, holding onto Nicky’s hand and Shane followed the blonde with Mark behind him. Through the duration of the service, Shane kept hold on Nicky’s hand, never releasing his grasp but when Aoife took to the stand to give her memorial speech, Shane's left hand found Mark’s. The 5 of them were now connected as Kian held Mark’s other side but Nicky noticed and wanted to rip his fiancé’s hand away from Mark. He squeezed Paige's palm and held back tears as Aoife’s eulogy moved everyone in the room. There was barely a dry eye and Shane’s was definitely not one of them. 

Before the end of the beautiful service, the priest invited the band up to sing. As he stood up to join the boys at the front of the room, Nicky leaned down and kissed Paige's cheek. “Wish me luck.” He whispered.

There was a respectful silence as everyone stared awaiting Shane to take the opening line. He took the lead on the entire song but the lad’s backing vocals and Mark’s adlibs added to a boyband performance suitable for the event.

“When the waves are crashing down, pulling you to sorrow, I will sail you back to shore when there are no more heroes. Over under, near or far I'll be right beside you. Standing here with open arms when there are no more heroes. And through it all, And through it all… When you're tired and you stumble I will carry you. When starlight falls, my love will guide you home. You'll never be alone, when there are no more heroes. It was you who showed me how. Brought me back to glory. Through hopelessness and darkest days, it was breath you gave me. And through it all, And through it all… When you're tired and you stumble I will carry you. When starlight falls, my love will guide you home. You'll never be alone, when there are no more heroes…”

Aoife and her mum could tell it’d been written for Jodi from Shane’s perception of their relationship but they agreed he’d done everything he could to help the troubled girl and appreciated their contribution to the day. Aoife had requested they sang another at the wake which they were happy to do but respectfully kept it suitable for the occasion, opting for Angel. But this track proved harder to sing because by then Shane had held in so much regret and so many tears, he was full to the brim, ready to break down.

When Kian took after the second verse, Shane couldn’t hold it in any longer. He let his guard down and allowed tears to fall. Nicky hated that he couldn’t put his arms around his man and comfort him as he sat the far side of Kian, allowing Mark to sit beside his bit on the side. Noticing his emotions flooding the head of the microphone, Mark did the honours and reached his hand over to place on Shane’s shoulder. Nicky watched and saw the side glance approval from Shane and it hit him hard. He recalled the memory of their perfect love making days ago and he closed his eyes, forgetting to sing his harmonies.   
The moment the song came to a close, Shane raced away to the toilets to hide his surging waterworks. He locked himself in a cubicle but before Nicky could follow, Mark had taken a step forward so he gave them space to be caught out a few minutes later. 

“It’s nearly over Shane.” Mark softly told him through the door. 

“Where’s Nicky?” Shane replied between sobs. 

“Back there. Let me in babe.” Shane unlocked the door so he could slip inside but he couldn’t fit in far enough to close it behind him. “Hey, come on, you’re doing so well.”

“I knew this was going to be hard but not this hard. I can’t believe she’s gone Mark. I’ve been so angry and in denial for so long and now she’s gone I… I can’t stop feeling bad. It’s all my fault. I took Cobi from her and now she’s dead.”

“That is not the reason she’s gone Shane and you know it.”

“It would have been though. She had it all planned. What did I do for her to love me so much she couldn’t be without me?”

Mark smirked at the broken boy denying his self-worth. “You’re amazing. Nicky worships you too. She just wasn’t strong enough to deal with losing you. I mean, fuck, it was hard enough for me.”

Leaving Kian to get the drinks in, Nicky crept to the restroom and listened behind the entrance. He didn’t want to see anything happen but needed to know if the cheaters took every opportunity they could.

“But I’m still in your life just like she’d gained my forgiveness. What’s the point in being a good guy all the time when people just throw shit back in my face?”

“I haven’t.” Mark pointed out, rubbing Shane’s shoulder. “Everyone loves you because you’re that good guy. You always see the best in people and do everything you can to help. You love whole heartedly… not to mention you’re drop dead gorgeous. It’s pretty difficult not to want a piece of you. Look at Paige.” He flirted trying to make him feel better.

“And you?”

“What about me?”

“You want me too.”

“I’ve had you for a long time Shane. It’s just taken this long to realise how much I wish we’d been together sooner. I can’t even look at Nicky anymore… he’s got you and I have to sneak in the odd kiss when I can.”

“He hasn’t got all of me though has he?! I’m sleeping with you and he has no idea. Why am I doing this to him Mark? He’s the best thing to happen to me but I can’t push you away… I feel so safe in your arms. You know me better than I know myself and I don’t have to pretend with you.”  
Nicky’s eyes flickered as he listened to Shane tell Mark how much he meant to him. OK Shane wasn’t denying his love for Nicky but hearing him admit he pined for Mark just tainted the meaning of their love now.  
“Nicky and I shared an amazing moment on Saturday and all I could think about afterwards was you.”  
This admission stung Nicky as they’d laid snuggled up for an hour or more after their love making and now he knew Shane was wishing he was there with Mark, he felt his heart crumble.

“You imagined he was me?” Shane nodded. “Fuck… Shane this is insane. We have to stop this. Nicky is going to get hurt.”

“I can’t Mark… and I don’t want to. He knows how close we are, we’ll just be more careful. It’s not like this affair is going to last forever. We just need to get it out of our systems.”

“Do you really believe that? Because I can’t ever lose you again Shane. I don’t want to lose Kian either but if I had to choose, I pick you every time. Can you say the same about Nicky?”

“I love him so much… but I love you too. I can’t help it but I just want you to hold me and tell me everything is going to be alright. I want you to kiss me and lay with me while I fall asleep in your arms… but I can’t do that right now.”

Mark drew Shane in for a cuddle and held him close. “Everything is going to be alright. We’ll work something out so we can be together again. Just you and me… we’ll send the lads on a shopping trip or something. I want that too. I want to lay beside you and run my hands through your soft hair, run my fingertips down your chest and stomach to your groin and stroke your cares away.” Mark got closer and closer to Shane’s pout, warming his face with his breath. He kissed the boy’s nose and cheek and eventually Shane accepted his lips to his. “I love you.”

“Mmm, god, I love you too.”

Nicky could now hear the sound of their tongues tying and it caused tears to fall. Shane’s gentle groans had always turned him on but he wasn’t the one causing them and it stabbed him like a knife. He wiped his eyes on the sleeve of his blazer and took a deep breath before returning to the bar.   
“I’m going home!” he told Kian without an explanation and walked away without turning back. 

“What?! Why? What’s happened?” Kian chased him but Nicky refused to tell him the truth. “Well, why isn’t Shane going with you?”

“I haven’t told him. Please Kian just say you don’t know where I am. I can’t do this. Don’t ask me questions because you won’t get any answers. Just promise me you’ll hold onto Mark as hard as you can.”

“Have you had a fight with Shane? Where are they?”

“Keano, please… I’m fine, honestly. I just need some space. Please just deny you know I’ve left. I don’t expect you to understand, just please do this for me.”

“Sure OK man it’s fine. Speak to you later then.” Kian waved him off, unsure why the blonde was fleeing so he re-entered the building to see Mark and Shane approaching the bar with a cheerier expression on their faces. 

“Where’s Nico?” Shane asked him but Kian shrugged. “Oh… he’ll be around somewhere.”

“Are you OK? You couldn’t get away fast enough.”

“Yeah I’m OK. I’ve had a good cry now so I’ll be fine.”  
***

When Paige noticed Nicky was nowhere to be seen she asked the boys where he was but Shane still hadn't bothered to find out. She agreed to do the honours while Shane continue talking to Jodi's family but when she stepped outside to call him she noticed him sat behind the wheel of his car. She walked over and tapped on the window catching his attention so he unlocked the vehicle and gestured her to climb in the passenger side. 

"Going somewhere?"

"Meant to be." Nicky told her. "I just can't bring myself to run away this time."

"Runaway from what?"

"Them! At it again. In the fucking toilets. Telling each other how much they love each other, kissing..."

"Here?! You must be joking Nix."

"Nope. Argh I wanted to burst in on them and punch Mark in the face."

"Not Shane?"

"I love him so much this is killing me Paige but I don't want them to know yet. They've torn my heart out, I wanna make them suffer too. But not here. Not today."

"So you have a plan now?"

"Yup and Shane isn't gonna know what's hit him... I've decided not to tell Kian. He needs to believe me and he won't do that until I've outted them properly and done something drastic."

"What are you gonna do?"

"I can't tell you but... How would you feel about coming to Dublin on Friday? Be there for the audition."

"You're going through with that?!"

"I have to. I need Cobi with me and if you're there it makes life a whole lot easier."

"Of course I'll be there... But Nix..." Paige reached over and placed her hand in Nicky's thigh. "I don't like surprises. You have to tell me what you're planning."

"Ok I will. But not here." He sniffed. "I'll go back inside if you stay with me. I need you to hold my hand, literally, and cuddle me in front of Shane. I want him to suspect I was lying about nothing happening between us the other day."

"Oh um... won't that just cause an argument?"

"You think?! His guilty conscience will stop him saying shit. Trust me. I'll take you for lunch tomorrow and explain everything." Nicky held his hand over hers and smiled. "Thank you... Promise me you're on my side?"

"Of course I am. Shane's a jerk! I could never do that to you."

"I wish I could believe that but I thought he'd never hurt me either. But I do trust you Paige. Don't let me down OK?" After she'd given a warm smile and nod, Nicky glanced up into the rear view mirror to check the coast was clear then leaned over to kiss her cheek but she wasn't expecting his peck. As she turned her head he grazed her lips.   
"Sorry I didn't mean..."

"It's fine sweetie. I won't let you down. I promise." 

Staring at the beautiful girl he'd just accidentally kissed again, Nicky felt an overwhelming sense of lust and faith. He really believed he could trust this girl, Shane's biggest fan, but now she belonged to him. Shane couldn't use her anymore... but HE would. He took another peep into the mirror and as they were alone, out of sight, he leaned in again and purposely kissed Paige, taking her by surprise. He held onto it for several seconds, wrapping his long fingers in her hair. 

"This is our secret remember... Ready to flirt?" He gave a devil's grin and psyched himself up to go back inside. Not that Shane cared he'd been missing. "Just be sensitive around other people. It is a wake after all."

"No problem... Nicky... I'm so sorry we have to do this. I promise you can count on me." 

"I'm sorry to drag you into it but thank you. You're a star."  
***

After the wake was over, Kian was adamant they should go to the pub. Reluctantly, Nicky agreed, knowing this could be his last chance to socialise with the boys. Although they all had work the next day and Nicky had remembered the mess he left in the office, they invited Paige along and they enjoyed a few beers like they used to. Everyone kept their hands to themselves and Nicky was pleasantly surprised how he'd managed to forget for a few hours that his fiancé and best friend were cheating whores. 

Luckily for the blonde, the office at work had been cleaned up and no one mentioned it to Mark when he returned to work the next day. A few people had attended the funeral for their co-worker but the relief manager for the day didn't want to discuss the incident with any absentees so Mark was none the wiser and Nicky was beyond relieved his stupidity had been written off in secret.   
***

Thursday night, Nicky sat playing with Cobi before bed time. Shane had been the perfect boyfriend for the past few days and Nicky allowed him to believe he couldn't be happier. He'd cooked them a meal and Shane thanked him by washing the pots. When the brunette finished up he stopped by the door and watched his two favourite boys playing pat-a-cake and row-your-boat; Cobi giggling at his blonde daddy. The scene melted Shane's heart. He studied the profile of Nicky's beautiful face and couldn't be more in love during the moment. His mind still wandered to Mark but he knew his best friend wasn't a patch on his fiancé. It was just sex with his best friend; overdue activity that was making him believe he was in love with him. But it couldn't be real when he still saw his future with the most amazing, thoughtful, pretty, sensitive, understanding angel on the planet. He had to find a way to end it with Mark and fast.

*Beep beep beep*  
Nicky heard the text tone and immediately assumed the message was from Mark but Shane's phone was on the coffee table so when Nicky picked it up to pass over, Shane's heart stopped.   
'What if it's from Mark and Nicky sees it?!' he panicked but the blonde didn't look on purpose, putting Shane's mind at rest. It was from Mark. Of course it was. Kian was doing a one off late shift and he was bored. 

"Anything interesting?" Nicky asked keeping his focus on Cobi. 

"Nah just Mark asking if we're as nervous as him about tomorrow. Paige is still coming along right? Mairead is gonna take Cobi in the car with her so Paige can fit too. Mark said he's up for driving us 4."

"I'm not travelling all that way in the back of his motor. Not the way he drives down country roads. I'll drive. My car's bigger anyway so Cobi's buggy can go in my boot."

"OK if you're sure. I'll let him know. Cheers... Are you nervous?"

Nicky tried to hide a frown by turning his head away from Shane's view. "Yeah I am. I'm so scared it's gonna go wrong." But Nicky wasn't talking about the audition. "Tomorrow is going to be massive for us. Not just as a band but for us as a family."

"It's going to be epic babe. Our lives about to change, I can feel it in my bones." Shane confidently beamed.

'You'll feel it in your heart too ya bastard when I've finished with you. It's gonna be epic alright.' he smiled at Cobi before scooping the boy up to give his younger daddy a kiss goodnight.   
"Do you wanna put him to bed while I make a coffee?"

"Yeah sure. Come on munchkin. Time for beddie-byes. We've got a big day tomorrow."

As Nicky had hoped, Shane had left his mobile on the shelf by the kitchen door as Nicky handed him the baby. He turned the monitor on so he could hear the boy being put to bed but crept over to check Shane's device. The text he'd received had been from Mark but the contents were a little different. 

"Fuck sake." He grumbled under his breath. 

'Ki's at work. Am bored so thinkin of u. Excited 4 tomoz. Can't wait 2 c u. Missed u.xxx' 

Shane's reply read, 'Nix will drive us, can't wait either. Where's that dick pic you promised?! Wanna feel it slide down my throat. Text me back bitch. Missed you too.'

Taking his phone from his pocket, Nicky carefully focused his camera on the messages and took a photo of the evidence. He looked back at older texts, the ones Mark had deleted last weekend. There it was plain as day. All the sexting they'd done. He quickly scrolled through and snapped a shot of them all and then dared to look in the photo album. He found photos of Shane he'd not even seen himself. Clearly he'd been taking naked selfies to send to Mark and with no desire to keep copies for himself he simply snapped those too with the mobile frame in shot. He'd add an explanation for this with the evidence he found. But then he reached a private inbox album and inside was not only cheeky pictures that Nicky had sent him but there in full view was Mark's hand wrapped around his own erection, his bell end visible from the gap in his grasp and a Snapchat added caption that read, 'Playing for you.'

Nicky couldn't believe Shane was so careless as to leave the evidence on his phone but it'd helped him out millions. As he held Shane's mobile the text tone called and facing him was a full blown frontal of Mark's cock, standing to attention. Nicky's eyes widened as his butt hole tightened.   
"Fucking hell!" He whispered trying not to look at it for too long. "The fucking size of it!" He quickly marked the message as unread and placed the phone back down before moving to put the kettle on. As he stood to pour them both a drink, Nicky sent over all the photos he'd taken and emailed them to Paige. She knew what to do next. All that was left to do was pack the car in the morning and impress Louis Walsh.   
***


	12. Chapter 12

Bright and early in the morning Nicky was wide awake as the sunrise crept in through the gap of the curtains. His anxiety was through the roof and he felt paralyzed as Shane was cuddled up to him, still sleeping peacefully and as he looked down at the gorgeous boy, he felt a slight rush of regret. A part of him didn’t want to go through with today’s plan. He needed Louis to sign them there and then so his plan worked but suddenly the thought of going through with it made him feel sick. It wasn’t him. He wasn’t a bad person, he wasn’t evil or spiteful but he was in so much emotional pain, he wanted Shane and Mark to pay. He knew this was the last morning he’d wake up next time to Shane and it was killing him. Why was this happening? He loved his gorgeous man so much, he still couldn’t imagine his life without him. Was there any chance he’d change his mind and just have it out with the boys? Or maybe he could accept the affair and pretend it wasn’t happening. The blonde’s head was all over the place.

“I love you so much Shane. I’m sorry this is happening.” He whispered and softly pressed his lips into the brunette’s fluffy bed head. 

Holding back a tear, Nicky slipped out of bed and quietly reached for the suitcase under the bed. It was going to be a risk but he snuck downstairs and immediately tucked the case away in the boot of his car, placing Cobi’s pram over the top of it. He texted Paige to ensure she was set to go and went back inside to pack a handheld bag for the day. 

Standing in the kitchen already, Shane rubbed the sleep from his eyes and flicked the kettle on. “Morning beautiful.” The brunette turned to smile at his man, excited but nervous for their day ahead. “Do you know what you’re wearing yet? I can’t decide. Are we going stylish or smart?”

“Comfortable. Smart casual I guess, no?”

“Yeah OK. What time are we setting off?”

“Mairead will be here at 10 for Cobi. We’ll head off about 10:30 and meet them at the venue. Are we picking Mark and Kian up or are they coming here?”

“Mark said they’d be here soon. So are you sure everything is in place? I’m so fucking nervous.”

Nicky approached Shane and placed his hands on the boy’s hips. “Just calm down. We’re gonna smash it. How can he not love you? Everyone else does.”

“I know but… what if we don’t get it?”

“Mark thinks of a new way to propose. Simple. We all have jobs, it’s not like we have nothing to live for.”

The mention of Mark proposing didn’t settle well with Shane. He knew he had to end his affair but when he thought about Kian getting him for life, he was jealous. “Do you think Mark will really propose?”

“Why wouldn’t he? You’ve inspired him and he deserves to be happy. We could plan a double wedding if he hurries up.”

Shane forced a smile and rested his head on Nicky’s shoulder, wrapping his arms around the blonde’s neck. “I can’t wait to marry you Nico. It’s going to be the most magical day and the best day of my life. I love you so much.”

Nicky wanted to believe him but couldn’t. Not when he knew he loved Mark too. It probably would be a magical day and potentially be the best day of their lives but the trust was gone and that’s what hurt the most because Nicky didn’t want to admit it was over. He closed his eyes and held Shane tight in his arms.   
“Thank you for loving me Shane. I never thought I could feel this happy and you showed me there are people out there willing to put me first.”  
‘Until 2 weeks ago at least.’  
“No matter what happens today, please remember I’ve never felt this way about anyone else my entire life. You’ve made me feel complete and losing you would be the hardest thing I’d ever have to face.”

Shane felt terrible. He didn’t want to lose Nicky. It was the last thing on his mind. He didn’t question his fiancé’s mushy mood and put it down to nervous tension. “You will never lose me Nico. I need you.”  
***

Bang on time the lads made their way to Dublin in Nicky’s car. They were in high spirits as Kian and Mark took the back seats and they warmed their voices up, practising their new tracks. They’d chosen a set list of 8 songs including 3 covers and they felt confident in delivering their best performance yet.   
Louis and Clive were waiting in Temple Lane Studios. They’d booked the venue for use of the rehearsal and recording studio for longer than the 2 hours initially planned and Louis had secretly taken the whole afternoon off to concentrate on the boys. He’d received a high recommendation from Clive whom was always spot on with his scouting and despite the lad’s greying ages, he’d seen their promo poster and was happy with their good looks. All that was left now was to meet the band and listen to them wow him. 

They were welcomed into the lobby by Clive who asked the receptionist to cater to their beverage needs. Cobi was passed around for a cuddle and then after half an hour of calming themselves, Paige, Mairead and Cobi were taken into the audition room to get comfortable. Mairead fed the baby in a hope he’d sleep through and not disturb the boy’s singing and as hoped the boy soon drifted off in his carrier, suckling his dummy, holding dear his fluffy monkey. 

Clive gave the band a pep talk and assured them it was in the bag but the lads were too scared to believe him. They all shared a group hug and cleared their throats as they entered the room, heading straight to the stools allocated to them in front of Louis. Kian’s smile ached his cheeks as he saw The Louis Walsh watch them get comfortable. 

“Welcome to ye lads. Westside isn’t it? Let’s not waste any time. Introduce yourselves and begin.” Louis nodded and smiled, holding his hands in his lap, excited to see them for himself. 

“Well I’m Kian Egan. I’m the one that called Clive to check us out. I play the piano and guitar and we often use that talent in our performances. Thank you for this amazing opportunity.”

“Hello, I’m Mark Feehily. I’m the youngest of the band, um, I write a lot of material and take vocal leads and adlibs.” He shyly smiled, turning to look at Shane to go next.

“How ye? I’m Shane Filan, I probably take more of the lead vocals and get the most attention, ha-ha. Myself and Mark have been doing performing arts since we were at school together and have known each other 30 years.”  
When it came to Nicky, he wanted to say something completely inappropriate but instead, took a deep breath and played along. “Hiyah, I’m Nicky Byrne. I’m the oldest of the band and the least talented.” He grinned. Hearing Shane laugh at him, eased his nerves. “I’m just kidding. I’m the joker of the band and the biggest fan flirt so there ya go.” He smirked sweetly.

Louis looked pleasantly entertained by their intros and nodded for them to continue. For the next 20 minutes, the band sung their hearts out. The reception they received was a good one and with each and every track, Louis’ heart beated harder. There was absolutely no way he was letting them slip through the net. If Simon Cowell didn’t want them, there was plenty of other record companies that would snap them up and make them number one by Christmas. Once they’d finished their last track the room erupted in applause. The lads hugged each other and waited on their verdict, feeling there was nothing else they could do now.

Louis walked over the shake hands which each member with a beaming smile. “Amazing lads. You sound like popstars, you look like popstars, you’re going to be great.”

“So does that mean…?” Kian began.

“I’m not going to keep you in suspense boys… I want to sign you. Today!”  
Paige and Mairead screamed from behind them, delighted by the news. Kian grabbed Mark within seconds and hugged him tight while Shane covered his face in disbelief.   
“I’ll give you a ten minute break then I’ll be back with the contract. Well done lads.” Louis smiled and left the room to allow the band to get over the news.

“I did it. I pulled it off. I can’t believe it. We’re gonna be famous lads.” Kian felt himself well up with overwhelming joy and accomplishment. 

“I knew you could do it baby.” Mark kissed him, sure Louis was out of sight already. They’d agreed to keep their relationships quiet and didn’t want Louis to get wind of it.

Shane was gobsmacked and hugged his sister when she ran over to congratulate them. “Wow, I can’t believe it.”

Nicky watched his best friends flap around in excitement but couldn’t bring himself to join in the celebration. There was no way he was going through with this. He turned his back on the boys and whispered in Paige’s ear. He asked her to take Cobi to the bathroom to change his nappy and slyly handed her his car keys for afterwards. In return she secretly passed Nicky the envelopes she’d compiled the night before and kissed his cheek.

“Good luck. I’ll be waiting for you.” She whispered back to him before slipping away and letting Mairead follow.

Kian handed his palm to Nicky to shake and pulled the fellow blonde in for a hug. “Let’s do this.”

Shane and Mark both stared at Nicky and noticed his lack of jubilation. They gave each other a confused look and worried something was seriously wrong. 

“What’s up babe?” Shane asked, holding his hand around Nicky’s back. “You don’t seem very happy about it?”

“No, sorry I am, really. I’m just in shock that’s all. It’s amazing news.” He hugged Shane and kissed his cheek. “I’m just off to the men’s. I’ll be right back.”

Nicky ran off to take a breather. He knew this was it. The end. He’d never been more nervous in his life. He wasn’t about to sign his life away to the band like the other lads were. He was about to kiss his life goodbye. He stood shaking as he rinsed his wrists under the cold tap to cool down and patted his wet hands onto his neck and forehead, taking deep breaths. The sound system in the building suddenly began playing Barry Manilow’s Mandy through the speakers in the toilets. Nicky stared at himself in the mirror and watched as a tear rolled down his cheek. He hated Shane and Mark in that moment. They’d broken his heart and forced him to retaliate in the most spiteful way he could think of. He reached for the envelopes stuffed in his back pocket and opened the one with Shane’s name on it. He twisted his engagement ring off his finger and placed it inside with Shane’s letter, licking the flap to seal it inside. 

“You made me do this.”  
***

Louis had re-entered the room and gathered the boys to the table. He asked them to read the contract and held a pen in his hand ready for them to sign. Nicky was still in the restroom but just as Mairead was about to seek him out, he appeared.

“There you are Nix, come on, we’re about to sign.” Kian grinned, being the first to scribble his signature on the paper. He handed the pen to Mark as Shane passed a contract to Nicky to read through but the blonde couldn’t read the words on the page as he witnessed Shane add his autograph.

“Nicky?” Shane said, breaking him out of his daydream. 

The blonde looked up at Shane and frowned. “I’m so sorry.”

“For what?” Shane worried.

“I’m out… I can’t do this.” He announced, gaining full attention and fear in everyone in the room. 

“What!?” Mark and Kian panicked. 

“Nicky what are you talking about?” Shane’s guts gurgled as he feared the worst. “It’s OK, this is going to be amazing.”

“It could have been… but you’ve ruined it. I’m sorry Kian, I know you wanted this more than anyone but there’s something you should know.”  
Shane and Mark felt a lump in their throats and stared at the envelopes handed to them all.   
“I wish you all the luck in the world. See you around.” Nicky turned and ran from the room before anyone could realise what was going on. He raced out of the building and jumped into the driver’s seat of his car where Paige and Cobi sat waiting and he drove away.

“What the fuck is going on?” Kian asked his band mates as Louis stood with his gob wide open. 

“I’ll give you a moment.” Louis said and walked away. 

“What are these?” Kian asked, shadowing Shane’s confused look. 

Mark was the first to rip open his letter and as soon as he unfolded the pages, everything became clear. “No!”

“No what?!” Shane panicked again, joining him in opening the lumpier envelope. As he picked out Nicky’s engagement ring his heart sank. “What…? Oh god. No… no, Nicky!” he yelled, running out of the room, leaving Mark to face the music. 

Kian snatched the pages from his boyfriend’s hands and there in front of him were colour photos of all the evidence Nicky had put together in front of a printed letter addressed to him. “Marky?! Please tell me this is a joke.”

Mark collapsed to the floor and sobbed with regret. “I’m so sorry Ki. I’m such an idiot. I’m so sorry.”

Bursting out of the front door, Shane screamed for Nicky but his car was gone from the parking spot across the road. “Nicky! Please no… fuck!”

Rushing out after him, Mairead reached her brother and asked what was going on. “What the hell is going on Shane?! Why has Nicky made a run for it?”

“We have to find him Mairead. I can’t let him leave me. It was a mistake…” when he realised Cobi wasn’t in her arms and he hadn’t seen Paige for several minutes his head filled with thoughts. “Oh my god. Where’s Cobi and Paige?”

“I thought she was…”

“No… oh god, no this can’t be happening.”

“Shane, what have you done?” Shane was in shock, he couldn’t move or speak. “Shane, where has Nicky gone? What was in the envelope?” He handed it all over to her and shook his head as tears flooded from his eyes. “He’s left you!?” she asked, finding the ring. “I don’t understand, why would…” After reading the first line of the letter and seeing the photos, her heart sank. “Oh god.” Mairead covered her mouth and punched Shane’s arm. “You fucking idiot!” she screamed in his face. “What were you thinking?! You stupid fucking idiot!”

“He’s gone hasn’t he? He’s left me… he knows everything… he’s had this planned…”

“Shane… he’s taken Cobi.”

“What?” he flashed her a look, not having heard her clearly, or so he thought.

“It says so right here look. In the letter. He’s left you and he’s taken Cobi… Paige has gone with him.”

“Paige?! Why would she… he’s taken my son!?”

“He has every right to now remember. You made sure of that… look, he’s probably just gone to let off some steam, try and call him in a while. Read this letter before you go back inside though. If he’s given Kian the same photos, there’s going to be hell to pay and they’ll need to know what’s going on.”

“He can’t leave me Mairead… I can’t lose him. I love him so much.” Shane broke down in his big sister’s arms in the middle of the street but within seconds he was tugged away with a rough hand and as he looked, he felt the fist swipe his face with so much force, the blood knocked out of his nose, shot across the path and reached Mark’s shoes 2 meters away.

“Kian no!” Mark yelled but it was too late. He lunged forward and grabbed his boyfriend’s arms to stop him harming Shane again. “Don’t. Just leave it.”

“You bastard! You fucking prick, you deserve this.” Kian blasted, spitting in Shane’s bloody face. “Nicky is the sweetest guy on the planet and you’ve broken his heart… and you’ve broken mine. You just couldn’t keep your filthy, slutty hands to yourself could you!? Was Paige and Nicky not enough for you?! Mark is MY boyfriend, not yours, you lying, cheating cunt! I fucking hate you and if it’s only a patch on what Nicky’s feeling, I hope he can manage to stay sane enough not to do anything stupid like Jodi was going to. You don’t deserve him!”

Shane nodded in silence and wiped his nose. “I’m sorry Ki.”

“No you’re not, it’s there in colour! You’ve ruined everything.”

“Nicky’s gone…”

“Good! You don’t deserve him.”

“He’s taken Cobi.” Shane added.

Mark felt terrible and stared at his broken best friend. “What?! He can’t do that!”

“Yes he can and he has. What am I supposed to do now?! I’ve just lost my fiancé and son over this. Today is supposed to be the happiest day of our career and…”

“Where’s Paige?!” Mark looked around realising it wasn’t just Nicky missing. “She was in on this?!” Shane nodded, handing Mark his letter. “What the fuck man…”

Kian chuckled at the two of them acting like they’d done nothing wrong. “You two aren’t sorry at all are you?”  
Shane looked at Mark with sorry eyes and began to walk away. Somewhere, anywhere away from there. “Yeah that’s it, you prick, leave us to pick up the pieces of your mess yet again. Fucking asshole.” He looked at Mark who watched Shane strolling in another direction, Mairead now following him. “Not going after him then?”

“Ki, I’m sorry… just let me explain.”

“Fuck you Mark!” Kian shoved him and went back inside to explain to their manager they had to terminate the contract before all of them had even signed it but Louis was having none of it. He excused what had happened and explained that he believed in the band too much to let them walk away so he advised Kian took a 14 day cooling off period to try and sort out their issues. Kian knew there was no chance he could work with Shane and Mark now but he gave Louis the respect he deserved and thanked him, apologising profusely for the embarrassing ordeal. ‘I’m gonna kill Shane!’  
***


	13. Chapter 13

Nicky pulled into the car park of a 241 restaurant just off the bypass out of Dublin. He checked his mobile and hadn't received a single missed call or text from any of the lads so he turned it off, placed it in his bag and threw it in the boot of the car. Paige helped by unbelting Cobi's seat and lifted him out of the car. 

"No come back?" She asked as Nicky seemed away with the fairies. 

"Not yet. They're probably fighting about it." He took his son from her and kissed his sleepy head. 

"Any regrets?"

"Hundreds." He frowned before giving her a kiss on the cheek. "Are you ok?"

"I feel sick and scared but nothing compared to you. Aren't you afraid Shane will ring the guarda?"

"He can do what he wants. I'm his daddy too now and we're not leaving the country so there isn't much he can do."

"He's still Shane's son Nicky. This is going to kill him."

"So what?! He deserves it. I hope Kian's smashed them both. Come on, I'm starving... Turn your phone off. I don't want Shane calling you either. Let him sweat."

"Nicky wait." She held his arm to stop him moving away. "What does this mean? I've got you this far but what do I do now?"

Nicky popped the carrier down to the floor by his feet and tucked his hands behind Paige's ears. "It's up to you but... I'd like you to stay with me. With us."

"You're emotional Nicky, this is huge..."

"Relax alright. It's gonna be OK." Taking a second to stare into her eyes and smile at her he waited for her to smile back. "We've done nothing wrong."

"I guess... But I still feel bad."

"Don't... I'll make it better I promise." He leaned in and placed his lips on the girl, kissing her for some time as she welcomed his tender lips and tongue turning her nerves into lust. 

"Mmm, Nix... Promise we'll talk about this later."

"We can talk all night babe. We have all the time in the world." He told her before slipping his tongue back into her mouth. "You're my little diamond now."   
***

Shane and Mairead were nowhere to be found so Mark and Kian took a walk to a nearby park to talk. Kian couldn't look at his boyfriend in the eye and was furious with him but neither of them knew Dublin's streets and had no way to get home unless Mariead gave them a lift. 

Sitting in a bench overlooking the park lake, Kian sighed. "Do you love him?"

"Not the way I love you. He's my best friend Kian of course I love him but whatever was going on with him, it wasn't serious. It was just a stupid mistake that was getting out of control. I told him I didn't want anything to happen. I mean it was only a few times we... It's only been 2 weeks." Mark tried to explain, shedding some light on the subject. He knew nothing he said would justify his actions but he knew Kian deserved the truth. 

"So you're not in love with him?" Mark shook his head. "But he loves you?"

"Not as much as he loves Nicky. He'd never have left him... I'm so sorry."

"Do you believe all this shagging around is to do with Jodi?"

"Absolutely. I know him Ki, this isn't Shane! He used Paige and then he used me. I swear I'd never looked at him that way before... Seeing him so broken and torn up after he beat me though... huh, my head was all over the place. I tried to talk him out of it but I was weak. I was scared if I walked away he'd never forgive me again."

"Do you think he still had feelings for Jodi when he found out who she was?"

"I don't know. I know she destroyed him but he fought with himself to get through it and wanted to help her. Losing her has really fucked with his head and I should never have let my own insecurity push my guard down."

"Did he ever fuck you?"

"No. And I only slept with him once... I regretted it instantly..." Mark cried, hoping Kian could forgive him. 

"Mark I really want to believe you but look at the evidence. It doesn't look like he's the one instigating it all. I was at work last night and you were sending him dick pics."

"I know I'm sorry. I'm an idiot. I know it wasn't worth it. I should have just told him to stop being so ridiculous. I felt blackmailed into it. Like if I didn't please him, he'd tell me I wasn't worthy of his friendship anymore. I couldn't walk away Ki, I pushed him until he snapped and beat me. That's how much he means to me."

"And what about me Freddie? We've just signed a contract to be a chart topping boyband. The band you wanted me to create so you could propose to me... But you were shagging him!"

"I wasn't... It was once! The first time he just... We kissed at the wake. Nicky must have been listening and that's why he disappeared."

"He did hear you. He says so in my letter. Paige must have known for a while. He must have turned her against Shane for his own benefit."

"He's done everything he can to get back at us hasn't he?! I can't believe we've been so stupid. Shane's gonna be a mess all over again."

"You do know I have no sympathy for him right?"

"He's messed up Ki and I've made it worse. I never meant for this to happen. He knows I love you and I feel terrible for Nicky... and you obviously. I know what I've done is wrong and I don't expect you to forgive me or understand. All I can do is try to explain and apologise. I'm angry Nicky let us get this far today. What are we supposed to do now?"

"Well Nicky isn't going to be a part of it and I don't trust you and Shane together anymore so there is no band. Because of you, this dream is over."

Mark couldn't handle the guilt any longer and burst into tears. "I'm so sorry... I hate him as much as you do right now. I've let him wreck everything again. It's all my fault."

"No it's his fault for being a fucked up slut... Marky I love you so much. I'm so angry right now but I think we can get through this. I want to try at least."

"Are you serious? You're not dumping me?"

"On one condition."

"Anything, I'll do anything." Mark pleaded with Kian to forgive him and it looked promising until the ultimatum came.

"I will forgive you if you stop being friends with Shane!"

Mark's heart ached. 'Not that. Anything but that.' "What?!"

"I don't trust him Marky but I love you and I don't want to lose you on top of my dream. I'll stick by you 100% but only if you stop being friends with him. The choice is yours."

'Choice?! What fucking choice? Shit...' Mark stared him out unsure what to say. He couldn't give up on Shane now no matter what he'd done but it was his fault and he didn't want to lose the love of his life like the brunette had. The choice was an impossible one and Mark couldn't breathe as he tossed the ultimatum around his head. What the hell was he going to do now?  
***

"I don't think it's broken." Mairead told her brother as they sat on a bench by the Riverside. 

"Feel like it is... I can hardly complain. I deserved it." 

"What the hell were you thinking? Why would cheat on Nicky? He's perfect."

"I know he is. I'm an idiot alright I know that. But it's Mark! I already knew I had to end it but I just hadn't had time to speak to him... Not that it mattered. Nicky already knew. Huh, I don't know what I was thinking Mair. My head's been all over the place these last few months and now I've ruined everything. I literally have nothing left. I've lost everything... My fiancé, my best friend, my assistant, my chance of fame, my son... His mother!" Shane broke down in tears regretting every decision he'd ever made. "I'm a train wreck. I had it all and she's ruined it. Again!" 

"You're blaming the affair on Rhaiya?! Get real."

"Yeah I am. Because Nicky and I were fine before she came back. I hate her so much."

"She's dead Shane because she loved you so much she couldn't live with the guilt of hurting you and now you've just crushed Nicky and he hates you so much he's ran off with your son. How do you think he's feeling right now? Two of the people he thought he could trust have stabbed him in the back and ripped his heart out. You will not sit there and tell me this is all Rhaiya's fault. You need to grow up and face facts. You knew exactly what you were doing when..."

"No I didn't. I wasn't thinking straight. Being with Paige was the first in line to a string of stupidity because all I could think about was what a failure I'd been to Jodi. It might have been an accident that killed her but it wouldn't have been had she avoided that lorry. I might not have known that until the morning after Paige but I was devastated she was dead and I still already felt completely useless that I couldn't help my son's mam! I loved her Mairead. You know how much I loved her."

"But you hated her more."

"She had the child I denied she was carrying. How low do you think that made me feel? I should have listened. Of course I hated her for what she did to me but there's a fine line between love and hate. I'll always have feelings for her, she's Cobi's mam. I just couldn't deal with the shock and process everything fast enough. I never meant to hurt Nicky. I feel empty inside without him. I need him back sis... I need to explain."

"He could be anywhere and he's not gonna come back here to us. We can all fit in my car."

"All?! You think Kian is gonna get in a car with me?!"

"If he wants to get home he'll have to."

"Shit... My keys are in my bag. My bag is in his car."

"That doesn't matter, just use the spares. Finn has a copy in the office. You don't have anything at the flat do you?"

"I don't but Nicky does. I suppose that's where he'll go. But my set to Bridge Street are with the cottage keys so... What if he doesn't come home? What about my son?"

"I'm sure when he's calmed down he'll bring Cobi back. He's not going to hurt him Shane. He loves that boy. Look, give me your phone. Let me call Kian and see what happens now."

"He won't answer my number."

"I know. I'll text him first then call him... From my phone." She snatched the mobile from his hand and began their exchange. Hoping they could get home ASAP.   
***

After pushing cold veg around his plate for half an hour Nicky gave up pretending to eat. He'd fed Cobi first but by the time he settled to his own roast, it was barely warm and his appetite was lost. 

"God... Have I done the right thing?" The blonde worried he'd let his heartbreak get the better of him. "Should I have dealt with this differently?"

"Maybe... Look I don't agree with taking Cobi away but given the state Shane's going to be in it’s best for now. I know you're his daddy too but be realistic Nicky. We have nothing for him except a few nappies, clothes and push chair."

"I have plenty of money to buy everything fresh. That doesn't matter. I've already ordered a locksmith to change the locks on the flat so Shane can't turn up there. I'll get the whole place sorted. Everything can just be taken out of storage. There won't be much missing. Just stuff for Cobi."

"So you're going to live back at the flat? What about work?"

"I quit. I'm not working with that jackass again. Plus, Cobi needs a parent and I intend to be the best daddy he'll ever have."

"Nix you can't stop Shane from seeing him just because he cheated on you."

"I won't... It isn't a long term thing. Well the break up is but I'm not so evil that I wouldn't let him see his own child. I'm not the asshole here."

"So what is the plan? If you're not going on the run and you aren't going to stop Shane seeing Cobi then what's the point to all of this? You didn't need to bring Cobi into it. You could have just told Shane you knew everything before the audition went ahead."

"Why should I?! Shane broke my heart Paige. He deserves to suffer. I needed to know if we'd have had a chance of fame. I needed them to know they were so close to it and it's their fault it was taken away. I wanted to hurt him the way he hurt me but you're too sweet to sleep with me again so I had to think of something else. It's easy to be spiteful. It was the easiest thing to do, I'm sorry." 

Paige reached over the table and held Nicky's hands. "Babe I'm not having a go. I'm just making sure you know what you've done isn't cool. I hate that Shane has done this to you but you can't just walk away like this. You have to talk to him. There has to be more to this."

"Pretending this last week has been the hardest... He was being so perfect until last night. I almost pulled out, thinking I could let it go but... God I love him so much."

"I'm not going anywhere Nix. I'm going to support you in this but I can't be your revenge fuck or rebound. You and me... It wouldn't work and not because I don't think you're fit as fuck because you are." She grinned making Nicky smile. "It just doesn't feel right. I don't want anything else to change. Our friendship is Stella and I love the little kisses and hugs we have but seriously, it can't be anything more."

"Yeah I know honey. That's fine. Thank you." Nicky sat back in his chair and huffed. "I just want him to hurt like I do." 

"Nick... Think about this realistically... If he tells you he doesn't love Mark the way he loves you and he is genuinely sorry, can you forgive him?"

Nicky had to stop and think. He took one look at Cobi and saw the gorgeous reflection of Shane in the boy's eyes. To be honest he hadn't thought their entire future through too well. He knew he couldn't stop Shane seeing their son but he was so angry and determined to punish Shane for his actions he didn't stop to think of the consequences. He'd just destroyed their chance of being Louis' next big thing and he knew that'd put a bigger bent in his friendship with Kian than telling him what the boys had been up to. He'd hoped to have kept a civil relationship with the blonde, especially if he left Mark over the infidelity but now he saw no way any of them would speak to him again. 

"This isn't fair. This isn't my fault and I've just destroyed everything." 

"It's not too late to put this right." Paige reassured him.

"I can't be in a band with them now."

"No but you can still marry Shane and have the family you want. He loves you Nicky, I know he does. He's just not thinking straight. If all his bad behaviour has something to do with Jodi then surely you can understand?"

"Yeah I can but he wouldn't talk to me about it. He didn't talk to Mark until he'd beat the shit out of him."

"And that's not in his character either. I'm not defending what he's done babe, far from it but if there is a single doubt in your mind you have to hear him out. You don't need to prove anything now. But don't throw everything away if you still love him."

"I don't think I can trust him again. Not around Mark anyway and they'll never not be friends again."

"Nicky... Look at me, now." Paige squeezed his hands willing him to look. "I love you and Shane dearly and I'm gutted the band is over but your happiness means more to me. I know this isn't really what you want and I understand why you've done it but please... Just be honest with yourself. Is there any chance you can forgive Shane for this? Forget about Mark. Can you forgive Shane?"

Nicky stared down at the table and shrugged. He didn't know what to do. Glancing back over to Cobi helped him come to a decision. "Come on, let's go."  
***


	14. Chapter 14

"Get in and keep your hands to yourself. Keep your gobs shut and don't even think about talking to Shane." Mairead told Kian and Mark as Shane sat in the front passenger seat in silence. 

Mark nodded and gave her a thankful smile for agreeing to give them a lift all the way back to Sligo. The atmosphere could have been cut with a knife. Shane's face was black with dry blood and the bruise Kian had inflicted on him. He was struggling to control his ever flowing tears and his stomach felt cold and empty from sickness.   
Mark's face was telling its own story. A picture of regret, remorse and sorrow for hurting his man and a shy awkwardness as he sat behind Shane unable to apologise to his best friend. After a few miles, Kian reached his hand across the back seat, offering it to Mark. The brunette accepted it in a hope it meant Kian was forgiving him but he hadn't promised anything yet as Mark hadn't responded to the ultimatum. He was hoping the longer he waited and the more time Kian had to think, the more chance he'd have of not losing Shane again. 

The 3 hour slog home was becoming a nightmare. Shane's lips hadn't moved once as he sank further into a deep depression, every so often wanting to apologise again. He eventually re-read the letter from Nicky and let more tears roll down his cheeks. 

'You lying, cheating prick Shane... I never thought you of all people could hurt me like this. Fucking Mark, seriously?!  
You really were a dream come true. I never thought I could love someone as much as I love you. You inspired me every day to be a better person and I really believed you were my soul mate. But what you've done is beyond cruel. I was there for you, I offered my life to you and you've thrown that back in my face.   
What happened to Jodi was devastating but you denied me the chance to hear you talk about it. Instead you chose him! Not only did you ignore my concerns, you took him into your hand and heart and replaced me. Hearing him fuck you through a phone call broke me. I'd lost you. When I heard you together at the wake I knew it was over. The texts on your phone... Why?! You were being the perfect boyfriend this week and I nearly changed my mind about breaking up the band but you deserve this. I want you to know how I feel.   
Thank you for making me Cobi's daddy. I'll cherish him forever. But he's coming with me. You have some serious issues and I won't let him suffer with you like he did with her.   
I'm sorry you felt the need to branch out with Paige too. She's a stunning girl but she's with me now. She knows everything. And by the time Kian reads his letter he'll hate you too.   
Mr perfect people call you. Everyone loves you but everyone gets hurt by you too and I won't let you break me to nothing the way Jodi broke you.   
I love you so much Shay this is killing me. I wish things were different. You were the most amazing thing in my life and I'll never forget every memory we made, every kiss we shared, the first time you made love to me... They broke the mould when they made you. But now you're so damaged, you can't be my angel anymore.   
My tears are stinging, my heart is bleeding and my mind is frazzled by the betrayal and it kills me to say goodbye. I love you. Please be happy.   
Your beauty.xxx' 

Everyone in the car could hear Shane's crying and Mark felt terrible. He couldn't hold back his own emotions and allowed Kian to see him cry. Mark was usually so strong and rarely let waterworks get the better of him but given the circumstances he wasn't afraid to let out his frustration and weep. 

"Mark?" Shane finally murmured. "Can I see your letter?"  
He glanced at Kian who shrugged at him and chose to let Shane read his page. He pulled it from his pocket it passed it over Shane's shoulder without a word. Without being asked, Kian rolled his eyes and handed his to Mark to give him too.   
"Thanks." He opened the folded piece and went on to read it while Mairead kept her eyes on the road. 

'Marky, why you?! Why succumb to this? I thought we were mates too.  
Hearing you fuck Shane... Christ man, you took the one thing from me I thought was mine. You had your chance and he wasn't interested. You've taken him from me and I'll never forgive you for this. I thought we were a team. It's thanks to you I met Shane and now it's thanks to you I've lost him. What have you gained from it? Do you really believe he loves you enough? You of all people know he's struggling right now and you took advantage of that.   
Mr high and mighty! You were always there for us but now I realise you were only there for Shane. Waiting for him. Did he taste good? MY Shane, MY fiancé. You absolute bastard. I hope Kian canes the shit out of you for this. He deserves so much better, just like I do. Fuck you and fuck your dreams. You've ruined my life and I'll never forgive you. Hope you're fucking happy!  
Now you can comfort Shane as he grieves losing his son too. That's down to you! He's all yours.  
Nick.x' 

Shane swallowed the saliva in his throat and closed his eyes. It wasn't so bad. Nicky seemed to blame Mark but he wasn't as abusive about it. 

'Keano I'm sorry to hand this to you today of all days. I'm sorry to shatter your dreams and break your heart but you need to see this. My fiancé and your boyfriend are having an affair. I've known a week and witnessed enough to know I'm not imagining it. As you can see this is all I could get my hands on. I heard them together at the wake too.  
I had great fun being friends with you Kian, you're a sound guy and I hope you can come to peace with this. If you feel as betrayed as me, you're welcome to give me a call. I don't know if you'll forgive Mark for this but if you do, that's your choice. I just can't trust them anymore. 30 years of friendship and now they decide to go further.   
Shane was everything to me and I feel like my world has been torn apart the way Mark tore Shane's ass by fucking him in his office!   
All the best Ki, I'm so sorry.  
Nicky.xxx'

"Kian I'm so sorry. Maybe he'll answer to you." 

Mairead snatched the letters out of Shane's hand and told him to shut up. "I don't wanna hear it lads. This is none of my business and the less I hear the better. The sooner we get home the sooner you can sort it out. You're a bunch of immature twats and I don't want to know so Shane, just don't speak! There's a baby involved for fuck sake."

Shane glared at his sister and raised his eyebrows at her. He'd never seen her so pissed off so he took her advice and kept quiet for the remainder of the journey giving them all time to think. Every minute felt like an hour and 3 hours felt like an eternity. Shane kept trying to hoax call Nicky in a hope he'd turned his phone on so he could at least try to text him but there was no point. Nicky's mobile was still in his bag and he wouldn't be touching it for a while yet either.   
***

Nicky and Paige arrived at his chosen destination sometime later. There was no one else around but it's where he needed to be.   
"Thanks for today. It means a lot that you were willing to take my side."

"No problem. Glad I could help, as messed up as it is. Are you sure this is what you want?" 

"Yeah. I've had time to think and I should just wait to hear from Shane now. I know he'll be worried about Cobi. I just want to apologise for taking him. I know that was wrong." Nicky admitted the flaws in his plan but hadn't regretted it completely. His plan was to punish Shane and if he felt the brunette was truly scared then he'd be happy. "Did you want to stay here for food?"

"I've arranged for my dad to pick me up at 9 if that's ok? But no, I'm not hungry yet. Thanks. Shouldn't you be getting little one to bed? Or whatever you can call a bed."

"Yeah probably. He looks pretty peaceful in that though. He's just getting a bit too big for it." Nicky noticed the judgemental look in Paige's eyes. "Fine I know he needs to be in his own bed but there's nothing I can do about it tonight. I need a bloody beer though. Do you mind watching Cobi while I run to the shop down the road?"

"Fine. Just don't come back with a bottle of whiskey. Beers only OK? You don't need to be getting drunk right now."

"No chance. Thanks." Nicky gave her a kiss on the cheek and raced down to the shop so Paige took the chance to check her mobile for missed messages and sure enough there were a few from Shane. He'd initially apologised but went on to beg for forgiveness and some form of response to whether Cobi was alright.   
The girl felt hopeless and didn't know how to feel towards him anymore. She certainly didn't fancy his sorry ass but couldn't help feeling sorry for him too. She decided to try and call and within a couple a rings he answered. 

"Paige?" Shane asked, without saying hello. "That you?"

"Hey, yeah. Sorry I haven't replied. I thought it was best to turn my phone off for a while."

"Yeah I can understand but when Nicky does it too I'm bound to panic. How's Cobi?"

"He's absolutely fine. Shane I'm so sorry for getting involved in this. Nicky was so upset at the wake I kinda found myself being an accessory. What you've done is inexcusable but I've told him I don't agree with taking Cobi away."

"Where are you all?"

"I can't say, sorry... I'm trying to talk him round but he's really upset you cheated on him. What were you thinking?"

"I know you're disappointed in me babe but please don't let him turn you against me. I know I'm a twat and I've ruined everything but this isn't me. And I'm sorry I should never have used you the way I did. You're a great friend and we abused that because I'm in such a bad place right now. Thank you for calling me. The drive home was murder. Kian tried to break my nose outside the studio and we had to give them a lift home."

"How's Mark and Kian doing?"

"I don't know. I noticed them holding hands in the car so looks like Kian's forgiven him. Which is fine, it's my fault anyway it's just awkward... When do you think I can see Nicky? Do you think he'll see me to explain? We need to talk."

"I dunno Shay. He knows he can't keep you from Cobi but it's really raw. Just don't worry about him, he's safe and happy. Just hold tight OK?"

"Thanks darling. Tell him I love him and I'm sorry. I have to put this right."

"Look I have to go. I'll speak to you tomorrow. Take it easy."

"Cheers. Bye." Shane hung up feeling slightly better for their interaction but was none the wiser as to what would happen next. 

Once Mairead had dropped the lads home she'd ensured Shane could get into the cottage with the spare key and asked Finbarr not to ask any questions about the state of Shane's face. Their concerned brother knew it was probably to do with Mark been as Nicky was nowhere to be seen and when he was told Cobi was with him he assumed there had been fisty cuffs between them. He worried for his little brother and wished he could do something so later that night he rang Mairead and told her what he knew. She explained the ordeal and Finbarr couldn't help but get angry. He was on Nicky's side 100% but tried to stay out of it after learning Liam's fate a couple of weeks ago.  
***

Kian sat on the edge of their bed staring at his sore knuckles. "Well that was the most painful 3 hours of my life."

"Nicky knows how to cause a drama hey?!" Mark sniggered, standing by the wardrobe to give Kian space. "I'm so sorry Ki."

"I'm sorry for losing it and punching Shane... but he deserved it." 

"What about me? It takes two babe."

"I'm only letting you off because he didn't enough damage to you already." The blonde sighed and stared at Mark, subdued in the corner. "It's gonna take time and patience Mark but I think we can get through this."

"But only if I stop seeing him?"

"Do you blame me? I don't want to control your life but I can't trust him while he's like this. He needs serious help."

"And he won't get it if he's lost me and Nicky. I promised that no matter what, if you found out, I'd be by his side. I can't cut him off Ki, I just can't, I'm sorry." Mark held back more rare tears, scared stiff his boyfriend would leave him. "I love you so much but I can't walk away from him again. He needs me."

"I need you! I need you to promise me it'll never happen again. That you'll put me first."

"I would put you first but I'm not willing to cut ties with Shane I'm sorry and if what we've done means I lose you then I'll just have to live with that."

"Wow... Fair enough. I guess we're done then. If you need a friend like him in your life then clearly I mean nothing to you. You just run along to him and comfort him in his hour of need. You can cop a punch for me then fuck him as a thank you. Did you fuck him because I've deprived you of the pleasure?" Kian was fuming again and couldn't believe Mark was taking Shane's side. 

"Of course not. I don't wanna lose you but I just can't let him down again. You know how cut up I was about it last time. It was you that told me to try and make it up to him."

Kian growled and stood to his feet, getting up in Mark's face. "I didn't know you'd end up shagging him though did I, you fucking arsehole."

"I'm sorry!" He yelled back. "What else am I supposed to say? I won't turn my back on him and I understand that's a deal breaker for you but I won't make him suffer for this when it was me that fell for him first!"

"What?... You wanted him first?"

Mark covered his face and huffed in regret. "It was a moment of weakness and he saw it. He used it to his advantage and Finbarr caught us."

"He knows too? Great! Do you know how humiliating this is? I asked you if you had feelings for him and you said no."

"I told you I don't love him the way I love you. It was never going to become anything else. It was just a stupid mistake based on temporary emotions. I wasn't the one to pursue it, he was and I told you I was scared of losing him again. I was trying to help and it just got out of hand. I'm not going to keep making excuses for him and I know I'm partly to blame but if you can't accept him then this is over and I have to live with that."

"Fine. You've made your choice. I'm out!" Kian stormed out of the room and picked up his jacket but Mark followed, blocking the front door. 

"Please Ki, we can work this out. I don’t want to live with it."

"Get the hell out of my way Mark."

"Punch me. Hit me and get it out your system. Please don't leave me."

"I'm not going to hurt you. Violence isn't going to solve anything... You don't love me enough for me to trust you anymore. Please just let me go. I can't be with you anymore."

"No, Kian, please, I'll do anything else I swear." Mark wrapped his hands around Kian's neck and tried to pull him close but the blonde was having none of it and thumped his fading bruises, creating a sharp pain to Mark's chest. "Argh! Shit." In an unexpected reflex, Mark's fist punched Kian's shoulder in retaliation. "Fucker!"

"Ow!" Kian moaned back at him, yet again returning the abuse by slapping Mark found the face. "Fuck you!"

"Kian, please."

As the blonde stared into his boyfriend's eyes he could see the genuine remorse in his eyes. He knew Mark loved him and believed Shane had instigated the affair but he was scared it would happen again and now he had no respect left for the cheat, he wasn't sure he could allow Mark to be his friend either. But the fire in his belly turned to lust and all he wanted to do was take Mark for himself. 

"I hate you right now." Kian spluttered before lunging into his mouth and biting Mark's succulent bottom lip. 

"Mmm, I hate me too." Mark held Kian's head in place, pushing his tongue deeper into his mouth. "But I love you and I'm not going to let you walk away from me. We'll compromise, we'll work it out." 

"Mmm ah Marky... I need you to fuck me. I need you to love me and fuck me hard. Prove you want me." 

Mark pushed his weight against the blonde and pinned him against the door, locking their lips together as he reached to rip open the button of Kian's jeans. "Promise it won't be the last time. Promise me this isn't the end."

"Make it good and I'll think about it."  
***


	15. Chapter 15

When Paige had been collected by her father, it left Nicky alone with Cobi to think. Considering he'd just walked out on everything he loved and wanted, he was reasonably calm. He finally turned his phone on to check his messages and it repeatedly bleeped for several minutes. Emails, texts, missed call notifications. He ignored all communication from anyone else except Shane. His ex fiancé had tried to call 78 times, left 10 texts and 3 voicemails so he read through them and sighed. 

Every one began with 'I'm sorry' and ended with 'love you' but each middle section was different. Begging him to talk to him, apologising, expressing his love, admitting his faults. It answered most of Nicky's questions but he still needed to listen to the mail. He wasn't sure he could face hearing Shane's country accent. What if he was crying down the line? Nicky hated it when Shane cried. It hurt as much as seeing his mam sob; an automatic switch broke his heart every time he heard them so weak. But he needed to do it. 

"Hey I guess you're avoiding me for as long as possible and I get that but I need to know my son is OK. I can't believe you took him Nico, that's not fucking cool man. I know you'd never hurt him but ripping him away from me and not knowing if I'll see him again is worse than what I've done to you. You can't do this, it's not fair. Please let me know where he is." 

"Nix come on, just answer your phone, you're taking the piss now. I'm at home and we had to give the lads a ride back with us. Kian tried to break my nose... I take full responsibility for my actions but I swear to you I was gonna end it. I knew it was wrong and I couldn't live with the guilt. It was 2 weeks of madness and it'll never happen again. You have to believe me. Please just let me know you're OK. I love you so much. I'm so sorry."

"Babe... I can't take this any longer. Where are you? Where's Cobi? Please, for fuck sake just talk to me. Let me explain... Losing everything... I can't do it. I can't handle this pain... I'm a wreck and I don't know what to do. I let Jodi get the better of me and I bottled it all up. Me feelings for her were complicated but I'll tell you everything I swear... I need my baby back. Both of you. I can't bear this heart ache Nico I love you so much, I'm so sorry... God I can't even wipe my nose because it's too painful but I'd take another punch from you if it means you'll hear me out... Don't do this Nick... Don't give up on me, please. I can only get through this with you by my side. With my beautiful, amazing Nico by my side... Please forgive me. Please give me a chance to grovel and prove to you, you're everything to me... I don't care about the band OK, I just care about you. I love you so much and if it means pushing Mark away I'll do it... I don't want to cut him off but I'll do it for you. If I have you, that's all I need babe. Please call me. I love you." 

Nicky was distraught now. The tears and quivering sound of Shane's voice was bad enough. The begging was hard to hear but when Shane claimed he'd be willing to lose Mark again just to get him back, he realised he was really sorry and he'd do anything to make it up to him. He knew how much Mark's friendship meant to him and how they'd promised never to let anything break them again but if Shane was willing to step back from his boss, he knew it was a big deal.   
Whilst Mark was adamant he couldn't stop supporting Shane through all this, Shane had made the choice to put Nicky first, as he had Rhaiya. Of course deep down he didn't want to lose his best friend, he was part of the problem and he predicted their friendship would be affected in Kian’s terms to forgive Mark. At this point no-one else mattered to Shane. He'd been the biggest idiot on the planet and he wouldn't feel alive again until he'd got his son and fiancé back under his roof. 

"Fuck sake Shane... Why didn't you just talk to me? I love you so much."   
Hearing the handle of the front door alerted him from his sorrow. It was locked but when he heard the scraping of a key try to unlock it to no avail he figured it was Shane. 

"What the... His keys are in the car! How did he even get in at home?!" Nicky mumbled to himself and raced down the stairs to the entrance of his Bridge Street home. "Shane?" He shouted through the door. 

"Open the fucking door Nicky! My key won't work." Shane hollered back, thumping the wooden barricade between them. "You've seriously changed the lock already?! Open up!'

"How'd you get your key anyway?"

"You left your car unlocked, dickhead, so I got my bag out. Come on babe, just open up, please."

Nicky thought for a second and figured it'd be best if he faced the music sooner rather than later. His initial plan wasn't to return to Sligo at all but Paige's reluctance to go on the run made him see sense. He knew Cobi needed a familiar environment to settle in so the flat was the only place for it. He just wasn't expecting Shane to be at the door already. 

"Cobi's in bed. I don't wanna wake him."

"Let me see my son Nicky. You can't do this." Shane hammered on the door causing a scene for on-lookers outside. "Open the fucking door!"

Annoyed by the noise, Nicky turned the correct key in the lock and slowly inched the door open until Shane forced it wide to step inside. Taking Nicky by surprise Shane scooped the blonde up in his hands and kissed him, refusing to let go until he was fought off. 

"Fuck you, ass hole." Nicky shoved him back towards the stairs and slammed the front door closed. He got a full view of Shane's broken face and gasped. "Jaysus. Kian did that to you?"

"Yeah, nice work huh? Nicky I'm so sorry, you have to believe me. Please just hear me out."

"Do you have any idea how difficult it's been for me to pretend I didn't know anything all week?"

"We had the most amazing sex which has to count for something. The connection and emotion I mean not just the sex... You knew but you still felt it just like I did... Because we love each other and we can get through this."

"You let Mark fuck you and I heard every second of it Shane. How do you think that made me feel? Hearing him make you feel that way..."

"It meant nothing..." Shane tried to reach for Nicky's waist but he was quickly wiped away.

"Bullshit. You told him you were falling in love with him." 

"I lied OK. I wasn't thinking straight. I don't know what I was thinking but I swear to you I am not in love with him. I thought I felt something more but I don't. I love you, I want you. I was going to end it with him as soon as I got a chance to talk to him... You have to believe me Nix."

"Why? Because you think I can forgive you if I believe you don't love him? It doesn't matter either way. You slept with someone else."

"We both slept with Paige!"

"That's different and you know it. But she was still used and we’re lucky she's been so supportive through this. She doesn't deserve this shit."

"Did you sleep with her again?" Shane dared to ask, hoping he said no but expecting him to say yes. 

"No! But you know what? I wanted to. I wanted to get back at you so I wanted to sleep with her again and make sure you found out. It would have stopped me doing this instead but she wouldn't do it. She knew I was using her and talked me out of it."

"OK fine. I'd have deserved it."

"If I had do you really think you'd trust me around her again? Because it's the same deal. Mark isn't just some random in a club. He's your best friend."

"I know and I'm sorry but that's why it happened because he was there and I was all over the place. Neither of us knew what we were doing. It was just a stupid, terrible mistake."

Nicky sniggered and shook his head at the brunette, apologising with his best puppy dog eyes. "You just keep making the same mistakes."

"Because I'm depressed!" Shane yelled finally admitting the truth. "I'm so stressed out Nicky I can't sleep properly. You don't notice because you're laid there making your cute little kitten noises but I'm awake most of the night worrying about every single detail about every single thing I've ever done or said. I can't control any of the bad things that have happened and I was sick of trying. I was sick of being the good guy all the time when inside I was screaming every day to be bad. I didn't consciously set out to hurt anyone but when Jodi died, I just snapped. My own conscience was fighting every single day, telling me to remain calm then 'go for it' if there was any temptation to do wrong. I enjoyed the thrill of being that bad boy for once. Jodi had screwed me over for the last time and I just gave up caring... I belted Mark as hard as I could to try and release the energy but when he gave me that look... Curiosity got the better of me and that adrenaline to be naughty again took over. But I felt sick with guilt all week, I was avoiding him. He came to work to have it out with me and that's when I must have accidentally called you... I'm so, so sorry you had to hear that. I was an idiot. I love you so much Nicky, my heart was aching all week. When we were together last I realised that I was being the biggest prick on the planet and there was no way I could carry on hurting you. I know what I did was unforgivable but I can't take this anymore. This nasty, vile voice in my head, taunting me to do bad things and not feel bad about it. Because I do feel bad. I feel so sick my throat burns with acid every second of the day... I need help Nicky. I need counselling, something to pull me out of this hell hole but I can't do it without you. It's not worth it." Brushed and broken, Shane collapsed on the bottom step on the stairs and cried his heart out. 

Nicky was already wiping tears away after Shane's self-confessed speech. Why hadn't he admitted this before? No one with depression can think straight, he knew that. He thought Shane was just been a stubborn pig, he didn't understand that all along the boy was screaming for help. 

"Shane I'm so sorry. I didn't realise."

"How could you when that's the first time I've admitted it to myself? Not even Mark got that much out of me." 

"Christ!" Nicky felt a weight fall on his shoulders as his caring nature pushed him towards Shane. He sat on the step next to him and wrapped his arms around Shane's back and chest. "I'm so sorry babe. I'm sorry I didn't see it and help you."

"It's not your fault Nix. I've been hiding it for so long I couldn't even admit it to myself. I need serious, professional help and I'll do anything to make this up to you if you can forgive me and give me another chance to make you happy."

"Everything makes more sense now at least... Have you spoken to them since you arrived home?"

"No and I don't intend to. I'm not sure if they're still together but I'm sure it'll be on the condition I'm not around."

"Mark would never turn his back on you Shane you know that."

"Maybe he should this time. Maybe if I cut him off then..."

"You don't have to do that for me. I'd never ask you to do that. I don't have to like him anymore but I'd never stop you being friends with him. I... Can't believe I'm saying this but... I do trust you." 

Shane turned his head to see the genuine faith in Nicky's eyes and he smiled. "My beautiful angel. I'm so sorry I hurt you. You have to forgive me. I can't live without you in my life." 

"I know... I still love you."

"Really?!" Shane wiped his tears on his shoulders and sniffed at Nicky. "After everything I've done and today... How can you trust me and still love me?"

Nicky cupped Shane's hands into his and leaned in to rest his chin on the boy’s wet shoulder. "Because you've just admitted the hardest thing a man can... You haven't been yourself since Jodi returned and now I know why. Watching her die broke you and I couldn't help. I couldn't see the truth behind your actions and I feel to blame for that. I watched you shatter piece by piece and I couldn't save you. I'm just as much to blame for all this... I only sacrificed the band because I didn't understand the reality of it all. Taking Cobi was out of order I know that but I thought he was better off away from the drama you would cause... Paige knocked some sense into me to come here. She's been amazing and although she hated you for cheating on me, she didn't condemn you like I did. She pushed me away when I tried to get in her pants for a revenge fuck and I'm glad she did now. She's a gorgeous person and great friend but I don't fancy her. I fancy you and only you. I love you."

"I love you too. I'm so sorry. Please help me get better. Help me out of this hole. I'll admit it to everyone. I'm depressed Nicky and now I've told you how I feel, I can be honest and tell other people so they can begin to understand why I'm so fucked up."

"I'm gonna try baby. I'm sorry for being so spiteful today. I wish I'd just talked to you..."

"This is not your fault sweetheart, it's mine. It's all my responsibility and I can hold my hands up to that. I just need the chance to put it right. You can trust me I swear. I'll never even look at anyone else again. The thought of losing you today has ripped me apart. No one hates me more than I hate myself for this. Please can we start again?"

Nicky climbed off the stairs and stood in front of Shane holding out his hands to pull him up. "Look at me... I want to marry you more than anything in the world. Cobi and I, we need you and we're not going anywhere. I love you so much."

"So does this mean I'm not dumped?"

"Suppose so." He grinned. "We still have stuff to talk about but if you promise to be honest and open with me we can sort this out."

"Thank God. Thank you. I love you too don't ever deny that."

"You best come upstairs then." Nicky carefully kissed Shane, avoiding contact with his sore nose and led his man into the apartment to talk. 

Shane had surprised even himself by admitting his illness but knew if he didn't finally open his mouth to confess his feelings, it'd all be over for good. He wasn't yet convinced that Nicky would stick by his word to stay together and was afraid Mark and Kian would cause more trouble but as long as he could reprieve himself with the most important person in his life, Shane knew he could face a bout of cognitive therapy himself.   
Luckily for him, by being 100% honest, it only made Nicky feel bad and want to do everything he could to ensure Shane felt loved again. Of course the blonde was gutted Shane had gone behind his back with Mark but it was in his nature to give everyone a fair trial. He was the most forgiving, kind and open minded person Shane knew and the whole debacle only made him love him more and he promised himself he'd rid his head of issues asap so he could continue to make Nicky feel like the happiest man alive. It was to be a long road but after 4 hours of deep conversation and well into the early hours, the subject came up.

"If Kian and Mark stay together do you think there's any future in the band?" Shane asked. 

"Do you think Kian can trust you?' Nicky answered his question with a question. 

"I suppose it's in his hands now. I need to deal with my issues first but if Louis is willing to wait, would you consider signing the contract if the lads are up for it?"

Nicky puffed and shrugged. "I guess given time it's a possibility. Until we've spoken to the lads we don't really know where we stand. I just hope once they realise why this has happened, they can forgive you too and we can get back to being the best of friends." 

"Why are you so fucking perfect Nico? I don't deserve you."

"Shut ya face. Yeah you are fucking lucky but leaving you now would be more of a punishment to myself than to you. You're my world Filan and I'm not about to let anyone come between us again." Nicky wrapped his arms around his man and stroked the back of his hair, twirling the tuft at the bottom of his neck. "Marry me baby."

"I thought I'd already asked you."

"Yeah and I ended it... But I shouldn't have. I want my ring back. I need you back. And I wanna be your husband and prove to you I'll never give up on you again."  
Shane reached into his back pocket and pulled out his wallet where he'd tucked away Nicky's ring. Nicky snatched it from him and held it to the brunette's face.   
"Shane... I love you more than anything in the world. Forgive me and reinstate the engagement? Marry me."

"Of course I'll marry you but that ring isn't going to fit on my finger... So..." He took the ring back from Nicky and held his hand to replace it where it belonged. "Let me show you how sorry I am." 

"Yeah? Best warm your hands up then sugar." Nicky grinned and gently kissed Shane's cheek after admiring the bling back on his hand. "It's just you and me now baby. No one else matters tonight."

"Absolutely Mr Filan-Byrne. Just you and me... Forever." Shane smiled, his heart slowly mending and his faith restored in their relationship. 

It was just like the last time. The chemistry was still there and the make-up sex was out of this world. They both felt relieved they'd managed to talk it through and salvage their relationship while at the same time Mark fucked Kian over and over, so hard he knocked enough sense into him to be forgiven too. The lads needed to sit down and discuss their friendships but with time there was once again a chance that Westside could be a chart topping band, with a new name and a fresh start. Shane quite liked the name Westlife instead, he just needed to be patient.


End file.
